h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, probably no one will read this, but I want to get it off my chest anyway. What is it with friendship? My so called best friend doesn't even reply to me on my Yahoo Messenger anymore. I don't know what I have done wrong, the only thing I know is that she fell in love with a girl in the USA and suddenly doesn't have time for me anymore. I do have a couple of more friends, but no one as close to 'best'friend as she came. I just feel betrayed a bit. I am always here for people, always talk to them about their problems, but I do miss a best friend. Someone that you can talk to about everything that is bothering you. Or is this just an illusion? Doesn't a friendship like this exist?

I would like your views on this one if someone bothers to read it...

Hugs, Jacqueline

Jacqueline, I hear you loud and clear! I am going through a very similiar situation. The person who was my best friend for the last few years has grown apart from me, and our friendship is pretty much over. (See my journal for details) It's a hard thing! I guess I have to face the fact that friendships move in large cycles - a long time of getting to know one another, a long time of being close, and then a gradual decline, as interests fall in different directions.

I have made many friends here on h2g2 - there are a lot of friendly, supportive people here. I just wish they weren't scattered all over the globe, it would be nice to know more people in "real life". Stop by my page if you'd like - I'm from the States.

Hi JEllen,

I know what you feel. It is pretty difficult, having friendships and breaking up. People normally think that only happens to people in a relationship, but I kinda see friendships using the same emotions. I hope you are ok now! I can't talk a lot about the people on here because I have only been here for 1 day... but what I have seen, they seem pretty nice and sweet!

Hope you are ok, and you might like to chat some more?

Bye, Jacqueline

Hello again. If you are looking for a good place to chat with people on h2g2, may I recommend Terri's "eyes" thread in her journal. I like hanging out there, everyone is friendly, and always has something interesting to report on. Here's the link to her latest one:
F103650?thread=279281&latest=1 Terri's user number is U208370 - if you add her to your friends list you will automatically get her latest journal entries.

What's up with me? Well I've been continuing taking my pottery class. I learned how to use a wheel to make pottery last time. Threw two pots. It was rather hard - there were a lot of details to remember, like to keep you elbows tucked in. It was a kick type wheel, so I am a little sore from all that kicking.

JEllen

Hi Jacqueline,

You wrote that your friend is currently in love with someone from the USA. I find that people in love have very little time for anyone or anything apart from their new lover. This will wear out in a few weeks / months (I have found out several times ), making them return more or less to their normal state. If she really is/was your best mate, she will most certainly contact you as soon as she has landed on this planet again.

I have a friend called Paul whom I met at primairy school (in 1965, I'm an old geezer). Over the decades (!) the intensity of our friendship varied with the cirmcumstances. But in times of trouble we always knew there was at least one person we could turn to (and solve the problems over a or two, as we ususally do).

Terry

Hi JEllen,

Wow, pottery, I can imagine it is much more difficult then it seems... Hope you will be ok in a couple of days!

Thanks for the information, I will surely check it out! In the meantime... is it ok if I put you in my friends list? I mean, it seems like we have met in a couple of conversations already...!

Hi Terry,

Well, I guess you are right, but it is still pretty difficult. Because in that time you don't really have a contact at all. And then suddenly they kinda come down to earth and the contact is there again, but like nothing happened. And for me something did happen. I mean, if you are in love you want to tell people, especially best friends, don't you? Well, why does she stop talking to me then? Just because she is too busy with being in love that the contact is suddenly down to zero? I can't really understand that, yeah, contact might become less, but nothing at all?

Bye, Jacqueline

Hey Jacqueline,

I agree that no-contact-at-all is a bit weird. A best friend should be the first to know about a new love (and get bored with listening to the endless stories about this wonderful new person...).
Sometimes the new lover is extremely jealous and posessive, perhaps that is the case here?

Anyway, there's lots of nice folk on the H2G2 pages that you can talk to. It may be a poor substitute to a Real Friend, but we try hard .


Terry

Sure Jacqueline, put me on your friends list, and I'll do the same.

I dreamed last night that my friend R (the one I have had a falling out with) was on a boat in a dock with me. Suddenly, she was gone, she left without saying goodbye, and without me seeing her go. In the dream I searched for her for quite a while. It left me with a lonely feeling after I woke up.

Had a good day today though - had a big family party for father's day. We made hand cranked ice cream. So good.

JEllen

Hi JEllen,

I know your feeling. I hope you are ok though. I just don't know about friendships anymore. I guess the 'best friend' doesn't exist...

Bye, Jacqueline

I think it can exist, I just don't think it is permanent.

Hi both,

Well JEllen, you might have a point there. That having a 'best friend' exists but that it is just not permanent. I certainly know the person I thought was my best friend doesn't act like that anymore. Of course, when you are in love you tend to forget about anyone, but not your best friend and not suddenly like this. She doesn't have time to talk to me anymore on Yahoo or otherwise. Everytime the last couple of weeks, whenever we do have contact it was me who initiates it. On Yahoo she normally doesn't respond anymore because she is talking with that USA girl she is in love with. We had the idea to go away for a couple of weekends, nothing special, just here in Holland, but then she had a financial setback and the first weekend was off because of that. Well, guess what. She now has booked about the next half year with all kinds of trips, without even thinking about the weekends we would be going to do. She didn't even think about them! She will go for a week to her USA girl, ok fair enough. For a weekend to Copenhagen because a group she is fan of will be pervorming there (if they show up, because normally they let their fans down the last moment) and someone, a friend of hers, she knows from the web lives there. Then the USA girl should be coming over to Holland and then somewhere in December she should be going to the USA again. What happened to 'sorry Jacqueline but you can understand I don't have money for that weekend anymore, can we do that another time???'. I am sorry, but I just feel dumped. I feel that I am good enough when there is no one else in her life, but when she starts having a gf that's it, she doens't need me anymore, or doesn't have time for me at all anymore. This is exactly what happened with her last gf too. But after they broke up she contacted me again, saying her gf had had problems with her leaving alone and meeting her friends without her gf, and they both had work and a house and blah, blah, blah. And then she said, I will never let anyone get between us ever again... Right... Well, could you please advice me? My gf already says, drop her, she isn't worth the headache. But I don't know. Am I being stupid? Should I just forget it and wait till she contacts me again suddenly, which I feel will never happen? I just feel betrayed...

Hugs, Jacqueline

Hi Jacqueline,

After reading all that, there is only one conclusion: you ARE betrayed. The financial problems are a pretty lame excuse, after seeing what other trips she has planned.
I can understand that you feel very miserable. There is no real comfort in the obviuos things people tend to say in situations like this ("time heals all wounds...", "maybe she wasn't worth it..." and crap like that). You are angry and sad and sorry and that won't go away just like that.
The only thing I can offer is a little of my time and attention, so that you can talk about whatever it is you want to get off your chest.
Anytime...


Terry

Hi Terry,

Thanks so much, that almost made me cry! All my life I have had the problem that people do with me as they please and I keep my mouth shut. Well, not anymore, I decided. I am trying to think of the correct words to write in an email exactly what I feel. I mean, it hurts for me to know I have to do this. But if I would let it rest now, it would happen again and again. And I would get hurt again and again. I have got the feeling now that she throws me out like a bin bag, puts me on the street because she doesn't need me anymore. And in the future when she does need me again she will come back with saying: I am so sorry and I would be stupid enough to eat it again. Well, not now... it hurts so much but I will write her exactly what I feel about how she treats me. But it rips my heart apart, I can tell you!

Hopefully I can deal with it with friends I already have and the friends I am making here on h2g2. At least I can say what I think without people feeling it is stupid.

Thanks Terry for you kind words, I really appreciate and need them at this time in my life!

But you have to tell me when I start getting boring...

And just a question? Can I add you (Terry) to my friends list, would that be ok?

Bye, Jacqueline

Still trying not to cry her eyes out at the terrible pain she is feeling at the moment

Aww, sweetheart...

My sympathies, even if I have no wise words for you. If you need us, we'll be here.

Vip x

Hey Jacqueline,

I would love to be on your friends list!
And if you like, you can be My Very First Friend on H2G2!
My list is still empty, 'cause I've only been on H2G2 for three months yet
(and I haven't met anyone interesting enough to make friends with)

Can I offer you and as a token of my friendship?

C-ya,
Terry

Hey Vip,

Thanks! Just being on here reading the nice messages helps me get through this.

And Terry, thanks for you tokens of friendship, especially that chocolate bar and cake was really good!
Well, I have been here for about a week and you will be my 2nd friend on my list... I just like talking to people and getting to know them. Especially now if you can understand...

Hey you have got my permission to put me on your friend's list too!

Thanks, guys & gals, I really need this! It is great to make new friends. Especially when other friends let you down.

Bye, Jacqueline

Just drop by if you need more or (or both!) or perhaps an or .

Gotta do some work now,

Terry

Hi Terry,

I would quite like a with a . But you can always stop around at my place...because I have got loads of different teas. Which do you want?

Bye, Jacqueline

Would there be such a thing as -flavoured ??
That would be my favourite!

Terry