h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Jacqueline, the trip thing you related sounds like something that happened to me back in college. One of my friends wanted me to go to Florida with her for Spring break. I didn't want to go to Florida, and asked if she would be interested in going to New Orleans instead, because I had never been there, and really wanted to go. She said no, she wasn't interested in going there. A couple weeks later I called her house, and her boyfriend said she was out of town. I said, "Oh, did she go to Florida?" He said, "No, she went to New Orleans with T" Oh, was I ever steamed! I related this incident to a therapy group at the time, and nobody understood why I was angry! I wouldn't have minded if she went anywhere else, but she had specifically told me two weeks earlier she didn't want to go to New Orleans. (I don't see her much these days - she lives in California. This was a different friend from the one I just split up with.)

It's hard to know where to draw the line with friends, and when to say enough is enough. I hate to shut a friendship down if there is any hope of resurrecting it. What I decided to with R (the friend I just had a falling out with) was to take her off of my AOL buddy list - so I don't know when she is online anymore - and to stop calling her. If she wants to call me, that's fine, I will talk to her. And if she wants to go do something, I'll consider going with her. But I won't initiate any contact myself anymore. That's my way of keeping the door to friendship open a crack, in case she wants to come back.

JEllen

Hi Terry. JEllen here. Didn't mean to ignore you earlier. Sounds like you need a hot cocoa.

Hi JEllen,

I didn't feel ignored!

Perhaps a hot cocoa is better than a chocolate flavoured tea...
I could do with some comforting (solid or liquid)
I woke up with a really nasty headache this morning. To make things worse I have an important meeting this afternoon, so that I have to wear a suit-and-tie all day!

But moaning doesn't make me feel any better, so I might as well try and make the most of it. After all, it is the last working day for this week (I never work on Fridays), so that's something to feel happy about.

How are you?

Terry

Hi Terry. I'm good. I have my pottery class tonight. I'm hoping my teacher has fired the pottery I made last week - I want to bring it home and show it off.

I've spent the last hour reading the Retail Rants thread from Ask h2g2. It is absolutely great! Best thread I've come across on here! (Can you tell I used to work in retail?)

Sorry about the headache and all. Here's some chocolate:

JEllen

for the , JEllen!

I am feeling a lot better now!
Maybe the pottery class is cancelled today, I hear the teacher is fired... Sorry, I had to do that.
What did you make?

As far as Working In Retail is concerned: I would never have guessed!
But I haven't read the Retail Rants thread, so that might be the reason.

Terry

Hehehehe, that's a good joke!

Do you really want to hear about my pottery? Hehe, you must be bored. First class I made a "pinch" type pot, which I decorated with little indentions all the way around. Then I made a "coil" pot, out of rolls of clay. Second class I "threw" two pots on a wheel. It was hard to do! My clay kept coming loose from the wheel, and my teacher would have to press it down for me. It was a nonmotorized wheel that you had to kick with your right foot. You aren't supposed to actually kick when you are touching the clay - something I had a hard time getting the hang of. It would start to slow down, and I would automatically start kicking, and the teacher would say "No, no, no!"

JE

Hey, both of you!

Terry for your headache, hope you are feeling better now after that cup of cocoa! Can I have one too JEllen?

I don't have cocolat just the Brittish teas like Prince of Wales, Afternoon, Morning, Lady Grey... But you can also drink those with a chocolate bar!

And about keeping friendships open. I don't know. I could just stop contacting her, which I already stopped, but then just waiting when she finally decides I am good enough again... I don't know about that. That's normally what I would do, but enough is enough. At least that's my feeling now... I will write an email and leave it in my drafts folder for a couple of days, just to be sure I am not going to say anything I'll regret. I don't know, will take a couple of days to think about it.

Hugs and cheers
Jacqueline

Hi Jacqueline,

I think the E-mail is a very wise thing to do. Especially when you look at it again in a few days before sending it.

1) It is good to send it: it gives you the opportunity to get it off your chest and make a clear statement about how you feel about the situation.
2) It is good to wait: thay way you don't run the risk of saying spur-of-the-moment things you may come to regret.

Very wise!
I think you will feel a lot better after you've send it.

My headache is at its worst now, and in a few moments I have a meeting ending in drinks-and-dinner...

I read somewhere you had a job interview today, is that right?
If so, how do feel about it, did you leave a good impression of yourself?

I'll be back online tomorrow....

Terry

Hi Terry,

well, it is done, the email has been sent! I let my gf read it and she told me it was totally decent and that I did tell what I felt, nothing more, nothing less. I let it rest for a couple of hours, then went back to it again and just knew I had been feeling like this all along, that my feelings were genuine that I just had to tell it. But I can tell you, it hurts, it hurts unbelievably. Especially this is really the first time in my life that I say something, that I tell people how I feel. I normally never did that, I just let if burn down and out, never expressed my feelings. So it not only hurts, it is also scary as hell!

Luckily my gf is a darling, she is my strength at this moment, on one hand I am proud at myself for doing this, for finally speaking my mind, on the other hand...

Well, you get the point!

I hope you are feeling better now...and that your headache is less. As for me, I am off to bed now, hopefully I can sleep at least a bit.

Thanks for listening guys, that's really important for me and I feel grateful!

Jacqueline

I'd glad Jacqueline that you are close to your gf, and that you two have a good relationship. That stability can be so helpful when you are dealing with troubles with friends.

Do you think your friend will respond to your email? If so, I wonder what she will say.

I'm going on a picnic tomorrow. Gotta try and get to sleep early tonight.

JEllen

Micio is having fun with her toy ball.

Hey Jacqueline,

I am very proud to have you on my (still very short )Friends List.
You did a truly brave thing, sending the e-mail. Being brave does not always feel as cool as it may seem from the outside. Sometimes you are just brave because there no other way, and you don't feel cool and big and heroic, you're scared and miserable.

But I think that you WILL feel better about it, when you look back in a few weeks time. I also think this could be a turning point for you in the sense that from now on (because you survived the scary first time) you may feel more confident and can more easily express your feelings in cases where people tend to overlook that you have any.
(Do I sound like Dr.Phil now?)

I looks like you have a wonderful girlfriend!
You have both deserved tons of , gallons of and a single .

Terry

Hi both,

First of all: Thanks JEllen & Terry for being there for me. I still don't feel good about this, but hopefully that feeling will dissipate and then I will be able to give myself a compliment. I know I am so lucky with my girlfriend. She is the world to me and although she is really busy she still had time to talk with me and she still let me cry. I couldn't do this without her.

And Terry indeed feeling brave at the moment isn't cool. And yes, you did sound a bit like Dr. Phil :-p

Thanks for the and the and the beautiful flower, that made my day. And well, who knows I might not have time to worry about this anymore. My gf is celebrating her b'day tomorrow and we will hopefully get the new Harry Potter book. Although I am not sure about that, we ordered them at Amazon, but the amount of books they need to sent...

bye and thanks!

Jacqueline

Since it is Angela's birthday tomorrow:

and a .

Dr. Phil Teadreg

Oh, and don't fight over the book, once you get it

Hi Terry,

we won't fight over the book. I will read the book out loud to Angela. I have done the same with the other 4 books. Angela said I was suddenly useful in the car. My poor throat... no, it is actually quite good. It is good for my English and this way Angela will at least hear some books too. She never has the time to read books, so I read them for her. She has got an awfull lot to do, but I will just keep on reading. So no, we won't fight about the book! Don't worry!

Thanks for the flowers, I will give them to her. Well, actually her real birthday was on the 12th of June. She will only be celebrating tomorrow... but thanks anyway!

Bye, Jacqueline

Hi guys. Some bookstores stayed open tonight past midnight, so that they could start selling the Harry Potter book at midnight. Pretty cool. My brother works at FedEx, and he said they are shipping a lot of the HP books. (FedEx is big here in Memphis - the "hub" is here)

JEllen

Hi JEllen,

well, we have pre-ordered our book (and that of 3 of our friends) at amazon.co.uk. But when I checked last night in 'my amazon' it said it had still to be dispatched and delivery time would be about 25 - 27 June

I definitely hope they just didn't update the website or something like that, because that would certainly be NOT funny! I know about a couple of stores in Holland that also were open last night. A friend of mine went to a bookshop in Amsterdam for a Harry Potter party and they were able to buy the book Somewhere around midnight...

bye, Jacqueline

Sheesh! Sorry you have to wait for your book, what a bummer.

I've been preoccupied tonight with my friend Karen on h2g2. She has been very down, and I am rather worried about her. I hope I get a post or email from her soon.

JEllen

Hi JEllen,

Well, I hope you will succeed in getting a reply from her and cheering her up. It is always difficult when people close to you are down and depressed. I guess the only thing you can do is talk with them and be there for them. Especially online it can be difficult when you have to wait for them to send a reply.
Hopefully she'll be alright! Good luck with trying to help her. One of my good friends (the ex gf of my brother) is down and depressed a lot and the most important thing I do is to try and get her to smile. But I normally do that via the phone and I can imagine it is a lot more difficult then online.

Good luck!!! And a for your friend! I hope that she will be able to deal with whatever is troubling her especially with your help!

Bye, Jacqueline

Well, just a small update for whoever wants to know...

Yesterday evening I had just had it. I saw my 'friend' was on Yahoo and just asked her: I know you are busy but I just have 2 questions. 1: Did you get my email and 2: is it your intention to reply to it?

suddenly I got a reply back within seconds, even though it said she was busy doing about 3 things at a time. And she said something like:

UHUH... I got your reply, it took you a couple of days so I can take a week or so too.

So I typed back: Well, it took me just one day so I should have deleted the 'I will leave this email a couple of days and then sent it'lines. But ok, if it takes you about a week then I know I can expect a reply somewhere next Wednesday/Thursday.

And she replied (in a matter of seconds again!). You don't have to wait for any reply on any given date or day you will just get it when it is ready!
And as you can imagine that was it. I went offline after that and when I logged on this morning there were also no offline messages. My idea is that this is it. I mean, if I would have gotten such an email as I'd sent and I wanted this person to still be my friend. And I'd thought: well that wasn't my intention or whatever. I would have called/emailed/contacted that person right away after reading the email. Saying something like: I am sorry you feel that way, it is not my intention...can me please talk about this and sort it.

But no I sent this email on the 19th of June around ten in the evening. And she didn't call/contact/email. Instead when I ask about it I get the reply I just typed above...

What do you think? My idea is that this is just it. Especially after her response yesterday. My heart aches and I don't feel happy about this at all, but somehow I just feel it would be better for me and my energy to put my energy into something more worthwhile.

Am I crazy, is it all me? I mean, I just get really selfconcience and think it is all my fault.

Please respond and tell me what you think?

Bye, Jacqueline

PS: Angela's party was nice although there were not a lot of people. We celebrated it in the building of our local radioclub (more space there) and were home around 2:30. So pretty late (or early, but it was worthwhile, definitely!)

Her response (or more like a non response) sounds pretty cold to me. The way she treats you, I think the friendship is not worth trying to revive. Even if she stopped dating the girl she is obsessed with, and wanted to be friends again - what will stop her from acting the same way when she falls in love again?

I know how you are feeling though - I feel self conscious too. Like, what did I do wrong. Little things keep reminding me of my former friend R. I saw a poster with Cate Blanchett on it today. She and I used to be crazy about Blanchett. It gave me a sharp pang of pain to realize that I couldn't really call R. up and say, "Hey, she's got a new movie coming out.." I haven't heard a word from R. in several weeks now, and I'm starting to feel like I just won't anymore, despite her assertions that "we will always be friends."

I'm trying to develop new friendships, but it is hard going. I was supposed to go see a movie with A. today, but I was never able to get her on the phone - it just rang and rang. I think she just forgot altogether. Earlier this week I went to a singles group, but I wound up seated down with people I did not know, who were not at all friendly. *sigh* I am glad that I have close ties to my siblings - that's what keeps me going when I get lonely. I did go on a picnic with my support group this week - that was quite fun. Good to get out in the sunshine!

JEllen