h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Republic of Yorkshire... passport needed

or it will do when I get total power

pyschocandy, the war in the Middle East is but a trifle compared to the war in the North East. The Toon Army is on the march again, heading south to Yorkieland to lay waste to the land and lay a few maidens as a true Geordie warriors right...........



Sir Peeb, Gallant Saviour of Geordie Lasseshood and Lover of Coca-Cola in his Youthful Dayes.

nay all Northerners are welcomean' bring some of hadrians bricks with you, we need to do some repairs that council missed

When we have finished delivering justice to the Yorkshire Puddings, we are going to march over The English Channel and rescue that fair maiden Terri and Yoda from the clutches of the Vikings and The Gauls...

Then we will set sail for The Great Southern Land of Australia and hoist our petards in defiance against all comers...



Sir Peeb, who has detoured to the Post Office for a minute or two.

>we are going to march over The English Channel< you'll have to wait for the tide to go out first

Careful where you hoist that petard,Sir Peeb!

Geordies walk on water, Animal..

Jollywinegums, have no fear, my petard will not be hoisted to a fine Welsh lass like you, as Sir Peeb is recently betrothed and betrayal is not his motto....I must gracefully decline your offer, and my sword will remain forever sheathed for you.



Sir Peeb

I meant (ahem) ...be careful you're not hoisted by your own petard,Sir Peeb! Gracefully declined,though

Geordies can never be hoisted by their own petards, jollywinegums, except when the petard happens to be involved with maidenly business..



Sir Peeb

Better be careful who you hoist it with,then

*wakes up*. >recently betrothed< !! are congratulations in order,Sir Peeb?

Yes do tell, Sir Peeb...

I will let you all know by later today, or tomorrow, if my Good Lady allows it. But it will be a special announcement either way. My lips are sealed for now.



Sir Peeb

OOh! *awaits with eager anticipation*.!!

Your Good lady????? EEk!

Reminds me of the late lamented George Melly, who used to be gay, then did *ahem* a turnaround. Some dingbat interviewer asked him "was it the love of a good woman that changed you?"

"Nope, the lust of several very very Bad Women."

Come on, out with it Peeb. As it were....

zdt

I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on.

Business as usual, then.

I got taken shopping. But i didn't buy bread. Very silly of me. C'est pas grave. I got some ginormous leeks though. Nothing to do with the fosse septique. The sink leaks but c'est pas grave. No cemetaries were harmed in the possible purchase of this house.

Wonderful phone convo between le v & the poor long suffering estate agent; abridged version:

"yes, yes, i know the bloody water drains out of the house & ends up in the right place, the bloody English squeaking guy demonstrated this & Terri explained, but What About The Merde? I saw no sign of toilet paper or (i do not wish to use vulgar experesions) faecal matter? Where does this go? Is it building up under this house?"

I did try to say "maybe nobody has had a poo here for many years, shall i go & do one so you can see if it appears down the drain?" but got met with looks of total bafflement. Seems like a sensible solution to me.

I am zen. repeat, repeat, repeat.

zdt

This is totally spooky. I am on MSN with FF & Yoda is whinging, i lift her onto the keyboard and she types this:

Terriandyoda says:
fcfcff


f
<pea


The bloody pigeon smiley doesn't even exist on anywhere except hootoo. Please explain.

Gaargh, just noticed the first bit: we are talking about disputes etc. "Fcffcff"????

zdt

Ermmm,just a thought Terri,couldn't you put those ginormous leeks you bought to some better use than just eating them ? ie.Fixing the leek with them ? I'm not a plumber of course,just a passing thought ! (I know,the quicker it passes the better if I was in your house eh ? ) Nevermind,just trying to be helpfulx .....Roy,I have to send you a BIG Thankyou....Not many people realise just how wonderful we Wearsiders truly are ! I appreciate so very much your recognition of this fact ! ......My Sir Gallant Knight xxx MSN NOW !!!!!

Mmmmmm,those Geordies have a lot to answer for Terri,they all keep pigeons up there you know ? Start in Newcastle,you'll find hordes of them ! x