h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1) The Queen Mother was buried in a cape made from the hair on Giant Panda's Eyelids.
2) The Queen Mother refused to wear any shoes for 6 years once because she was told she wasn't allowed to maim cockney orphans at Great Ormand Street.
3) The Queen Mother once played Peter Pan in pantomime in Sidcup.
4) The Queen Mother once rewrote JM Barrie's Peter Pan so that the Peter Pan was a bitter old fascist, drunk to the eyeballs on gin who never grows up because he doesn't have to do a day's hard work in his lifetime.
5) The Queen Mother once choked on a fish bone dislodging a fully preserved dodo she swallowed alive as a 20 year old, preserved in the alcohol flowing through her veins it shortly before marrying Henry VIII.

What, really?

1) the rev Lesley Gentle deliberately writes 'provocative' postings so that moderators have to read every single word that he writes.
2) The reverend has a large collection of my little ponies in the top of his wardrobe.
3) At school the rev pretended to come from Iceland so that he wouldn't get bullied so much.But nobody was willing to be bribed with frozen food.

I am hurt and offended by these spurious allegations.

6) The Queen Mother once beat Sylvester Stallon in a bout of arm wrestling. Many said he threw the contest until it was discovered that the plucky Queen Mother was in training with strong man Geoff Capes for 4 years to win the contest.

1)The rev Lesley Gentle was 'asked to leave' Guildford University because of his inability to understand that 'recreational' did not mean all the time.

There is no such place as Guildford University. Minus 1 point for the Lady of the night.