h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well

What a day yesterday was.

I live on a very quiet street, and yesterday I happened to look out of the front window, and half the people who lived on the street, were out on the pavement.

Whats going on thinks I, a gas leak? an accident? a bomb scare maybe?

No

Much worse apparently, a duck, in fact a mallard, had took it upon itself to take a stroll down the centre of our road.

There it was taking a lovely little stroll quaking politely at all the spectators and lapping up the attention.

That was until a funny little man in a green body warmer with loads of pockets in it came.

All to the duck who made a run for it as soon as it caught sight of him, to much ooohhhh and ahhhhs from the gathered crowd, but alas the duck was caught

and the excitement didn't end there my friends, oh no

I had a run in with a very cocky ! Let me tell you, oh yes

The ing thing waltzed out from under scotts nappy basket as I was watching Emerdale, now you know spiders they usually scurry out into the middle of the room, stop, look around for the nearest dark corner, then scurry off to it.

Not this one. It strolled, yes strolled! out into the middle of the room, stopped and started to have a little look around!

"right!" thinks I "you're for the hoover matey"

So off I go to get the hoover, all the time thinking that the spider would realise it's days were numbered and and scurry off.

oh no not this one, I wheeled the hoover right up to it, unwrapped the cord and plugged it in and that spider did not move a muscle!

AND!

When I tried to suck it up into the tube the ing thing must have been clinging on to the carpet because it wouldn't go up the tube!!!!!!!

ing ducks and spiders, what next?!?!?!?

Duck and ! That's a sign of..... Nope, I got nothing.

I don't like insects that don't co operate when I wish to squish them. The nerve of them.

yes excatly!

A very large hid behind the mini blinds on one of my windows. The problem was how to get rid of and not break the window. Had to use the hoover on that one.

did he resist like mine did?

It tried hanging onto the blinds. After the first try didn't work, I snuck up behind it and got it. Then, it got stuck in the hose for a few seconds.

got stuck in the hose? how big was it?

It was pretty big.

As it was on the window above my bed, I was considering the shotgun next if the hoover didn't take care of it.

must have been massive!

Its body was about the size of a grape, but it had an impressive leg span too.

Reminds me of a morning many years ago. I got to work for 7 a.m. One of the guys in the kitchen looked a bit pale. This guy lived just up the road from the store, so he had just left home a few minutes before this. I asked what was the matter. His answer was 'There was a spider in the shower, this morning.'. I asked what he did about that. His answer was 'What any red blooded man would do when confronted by a huge spider, first thing in the morning, while naked, in the shower.... screamed like a little girl, grabbed the plunger and beat the out of said spider.'.

I hear onion skins are even worse.

*blinks*

I told you about Stacey screaming bloody murder over an onion skin that she thought was a bug... until it was stomped into submission.

oh yea

That's one onion skin that didn't live to attack anyone else.

At what point were you convinced that I need a new job?

*giggles*

I am glad I dint have to deal with the !! I tend to go running an screaming out of a room which has one!!!!

I've seen someone have a screaming fit over the green stalk from a tomato, thinking it was a spider

My mum carefully brushed one out of the kitchen once, thinking it was a bee

*makes a note to keep an eye on the tomatoes*

Someone mistook a bit of grape stem for a spider and stomped it.