h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've gotten myself into a nasty little corner this weekend.

Instead of doing the things I had planned ... namely nothing ... I'll be slaving over a drawing board for the rest of the month, producing cute fuzzy bunny pictures that make me want to barf.

How did this sordid state of affairs arise, you ask? Well, it all started with a little question I directed to my workmate who happens to be pregnant with her second child. Wanting to help out after her family had lost all their previous baby things in last year's house fire, I said, "Is there still anything you need especially for the baby?". I mentioned this in the hope that she would direct me to some item that would be useful that could be purchased in a local store ... BUT NO! After deliberating on the subject for several days, she cleverly pointed out to me that there was a need for something decorative on the walls, and would I please make some pictures for the nursery? "You're really artistic and crafty like that, and I'm sure you could make artwork to match the wallpaper border I have in the baby's room."

Gag.

I stood there, blinking. "Oh for the love of Bob, why do you have to ask for something difficult? Ask me for a car seat, a crib, a college education for the little varmint ... but PLEASE, I beg you, don't screw up the next three weekends!", I thought this to myself. I knew I had messed up big time, and there was not an easy exit. And then, just as the phrase "No" should have escaped my lips, I hopefully thought, "It's a silly little wallpaper border, how difficult could it be to make a little piccie or two?" Pregnant women have a pathetic kind of magnetic charm which should be illegal and to my own horror, I found myself *sort of* agreeing to this project, and I told her to bring in a section of leftover wallpaper for me to use as a reference. At that very moment, I was lost ... socially caught with my pants down around my ankles, in a manner of speaking.

WHAT THE H*LL WAS I THINKING? I don't want to copy stinking little bunnies from cutsie wallpaper! I want to go to a frikking baby department, pick out a gift, pay for it, get it home, wrap it in pretty paper, and present it to the recipient. That's all. I've made a lifetime career of avoiding illustrating every cotton-picking project that the people around me being to my attention. I'm fabulously good at saying no, very quickly, yet politely, to these off-hand requests. Forgive me, but people just don't realize what all is involved, or the amount of time needed to *make* anything. I know what they're thinking ... "Oh, just dash something off in an hour ... it's no biggie." Like it is.

My workmate sees me drawing diligently at my computer screen every day ... and I'm sure this seemed to be something I could toss in with my other wo*k, but that's not a good idea. I *could* make a request to use all the tools at my disposal at wo*k, but my employer charges something like $200.00 US a hour for my labor and the use of his equipment by our customers. If I could scan the aforementioned bunnies, run them through Photoshop, enhance the color, apply a charcoal and canvas effect to them, then print them out on some sort of durable stock, this could work easily ... and fairly quickly. Unfortunately, I don't make such requests. I simply don't want to get into the habit.

So, since I lack any drawing tools on my home computer, I'm left with one option ... reproducing them by hand. One more thing. I have the wallpaper in my hands now, and these are going to be no easy task. I *can* do this ... I have the ability, but the level of detail is excessive and will take waaaay too much of my time, with each bunny having individual hairs visible on it's entire body. The bunnies are wearing detailed clothing, and, they're sitting on overstuffed furniture that has tiny patterned fabrics. All this, and subtle shading too.

I'd much rather be creating something original. Augh! *wince*

I must think of an alternative. I've stuck my foot in it this time.

I have the perfect alternative - a *real* bunny. Buy some doll clothes that approximate the ones the bunnies on the wallpaper are wearing. The baby will just love growing up with a *real* bunny in his/her room.

Would you be kind enough to send me your bunny, Lady Scott, so that I can glue it to my illustration board?

I knew you'd like that idea... I'll Fed Ex her overnight.


See? Now that wasn't such a difficult project after all!

Avenging Washcloth, forgive me for asking
a stupid question, but why don't you draw
one bunny, then photocopy it?

Thanks Paul, but I only need to make two or three different enlarged bunnies for framed pictures. The border around the room is already there. I don't think a photocopy is something she'd want to display ... it needs to be more durable than that. I plan to use good quality Illustration board for a base, then do the drawings in colored pencil. Some people paint, but I love the detail and control I get with plain old pencil.

Would you like Fluffy Pink Rabbit
to come over and be a model?

Actually, that would probably help. Thanks Paul.

--------------------------------->

I think I'll stall until tomorrow before I begin. I gathered the art supplies and tools for the project earlier this evening.

I'm very tired from this week. I have another trainee whom I'm in charge of at wo*k, and he doesn't seem to be catching on very well. Mostly, he exibits absolutely no initiative.

Have I complained enough for one evening?

Feel free to complain all you like. We can take it. We're professionals.

It looks as though the fuzzy one is on his way!

Hahaahahahahahhaha. I'm glad to be in the company of professionals for *once* this week.

Does being a professional nutter count?

What's a nutter?

I've heard of Nutter Butter Peanut Butter sandwich cookies, but I'm too tired to remember what a nutter is, Paul.

Poor AW! I feel your pain! I've been roped into too many things that end up taking days and days to do!

The worst was for some signs my old pastor talked me into painting for the church carnival. I've never painted signs in my life, but I'm an artist so it's no problem right? Wrong! My sister and I slaved over those stupid things on glorious spring days. I remember hearing a bird singing near where we were working. My sister said if you listened closely you could hear it singing, "Sucker! Sucker!"

I think you guys gave me an idea, sap sucker that I am.

Why don't I just make a collage with scrapbooking supplies, adding pretty papers, charms and ribbon thingies along with actual cutouts of the wallpaper?

If I can't get my workmates permission to use the actual wallpaper, I could always go to a copier place and have a nice color copy run off to make the bunnies. *excited*

I'm such a cheater!!!


Shea, your sister is an exceptionally wise woman.

Thank you, Paul! I understand what you meant now!

I can even leave spaces for a newborn baby picture or two ... make it like a birth announcement thingy. YAY! I'm free!!!





*skips and dances through the room, Snoopy style*

I know how to do hand calligraphy, so I can include that too!

*collapses in a heap of contentment*