h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Anyone who caught the duck-nonsense (last journal Entry) might have realised that there's a fundraising drive going on for a local cancer care centre.

In another manifestation, some enterprising colleagues have persuaded a local brewery to make and distribute a commemorative beer. The draught version is called 'Hop Metal' (witty, eh?) and is right now coming available in several of the city's hostelries. There's a bottled version by the case, too. I better hadn't try overt selling on the site, but if you want to know more, just ask.

Anyway, the local paper want a launch photo, with metalworking connotations. They want it in a pub, though, which is a bit tricky on health and safety grounds. Very few victuallers are licensed for smelting.

Someone came up with the idea of re-enacting the poses and equipment of the Meadowhall statues of crucible steelmakers (minus the molten steel), meaning we suddenly had to procure a set of teemer's tongs and a crucible. This was in the middle of a Friday afternoon straight before a bank holiday weekend, mind.

A friend at Kelham (still a friend, I hope, but I sense that she's finding me increasingly taxing) came up magnificently with the pot itself and a tongs-variant - a set on wheels. The push-around way of doing it came late to the industry. Very sensible and practical compared with manual brute force, but not nearly so romantic and not familiar to the public. The photo's pretty pointless, of course, unless the scene is instantly recognisable.

So, though authentic, our current implements don't match the statues set-up, still leaving us in a bit of a hole (pun for all you crucible steelmakers out there; I know you're listening).

Therefore : anyone in the Sheffield area with access to a pair of teemer's tongs, similar to the ones used by the Big Bronze B*ggers in Market Street, please pipe up pronto.

(I might throw a few more of these charity stories into the Journal as things progress. There are some unusual ones, right in keeping with the quirky spirit of this wonderful city)

Good luck with your search, I'm afraid I can't help you myself

There is an event scheduled for next Saturday to raise money for a battered women's shelter in Joplin. They are pushing 11 cars off of a bluff. I have no idea who dreams up stuff like this.

The local blacksmith obliged, adapting a pair of tongs, so that they fitted a nice big jug. They then poured beer instead of steel, and Joe (who thought of the whole thing and silver-tongued the brewery) looked quite the part as the teemer.

Damn good beer, too. Here among other places : A987834. Get some if you're near.

Bottled version at £22 a case, anyone? (12 x 500 ml). OK, it'sa bit dear, but the margin's to the cause. Benjamin knows how we'd deliver it, mind. And I'll probably get modded for advertising...