h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Um, I think the alcohol in the beer is
what makes you smart, Pandora. Just rub
some alcohol on your arm sometime, and
it will rreally make you smart.

ME?!?! Drink...beer????I don't THINK so.
Although if there's any left after a guest leaves....I use it to make my hair soft in the shower...
I'm a whisky drinkin' woman!

Yer' a braw bonnie lassie.

No...I don't wear bras...

(Isn't that a ?)

Yer' a bonnie bonnie lassie.

And you're a...you're aYou are ...

I stand corrected, Pandora.

There's mroe alcohol in whiskey than there
is in beer, so it should make you even smarter.

Why are you still standing?! Have a seat! Will THIS one do??? ...*pats her butt...*

You're offering me a pat of butter?

A philosophy professor stood before his class with
some items on the table in front of him. When the
class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large
and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it
with rocks, about 2" in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They
agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up
a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He
shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled
into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it
into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything
else. He then asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous "Yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from
under the table and proceeded to pour their entire
contents into the jar - effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.

Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
"I want you to recognize that this jar represents
your life.

The rocks are the important things - your family,
your partner, your health, your children - things that
if everything else was lost and only they remained,
your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter - like
your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything
else. The small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued
"there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same
goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy
on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things
that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that
are critical to your happiness. Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out
dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the
house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the
beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's
always room for a couple of beers.

And at the end of your life, you'll
need a couple of biers.

But let's not dwell on that.

Not me, Bubba.....I'm gettin' roasted. Won't need a box, just a big zip lock baggie.

Where do you want the ashes sprinkled?

I want them thrown into the faces of people who've pissed me off.....the list is in a constant state of revision.

It's a good thing that you're keeping
track of such things, then.

So much to do, so little time.....

And , by the way, I really liked the biers reference......well done.

*My* fella's are so, er, smart! That's it.
'Cept sometimes Paul H seems a bit thick...but it's okay...I like a meaty man......even if it is etween his ears.
...*hands Paul H a baked potato for his butter...*

Are you in the USA? Do you get Father Ted over there?

Once, Ted got the golden... something award. In his acceptance speech he took the opportunity to have a dig at everyone who had ever p*ssed him off. It was a very long speech.

If you're going to have your ashes thrown into their faces, it might be a good idea to become hideously fat before you die (so there'll be enough to go around) and to die of some hideous disease (so they will too). Jus' a thought.

Stagehand & I are in ... forgets. No Father what'shisface that I know of.
I'm having my ashes UPSed back to my sister......
I've never traveled via parcel...unless you count that one time when I awkened in a differnt Country/timezone...that may have been Fed-Ex or sumtthin'. Seems like my RL began in a baggie...how fitting to end up in one. ...and in my sister's attic as well......you see, I wan't to be scattered at sea...and she's, well, (she just won a trip to Alaska via SHIP...and she traded it in for a stay in Las Vegas!!)Sharon doesn't like water. So, she'll feel guilty the rest of her natural life being TOO chicken to get close enough to the water to scatter me. BWHAHAHAHA...'Course...it "could" have something to do when when I nearl got her drowned in a DEEP river.



I've just realised ...it was on THAT day...the one where I "gave her my word...bla-bla-bla-a-a... the water was only 'bout 4' deep" but really it was, like nine. Hasn't trusted me since. I, however learned to always tell the truth in such situations.

And deciding to tell the truth had nothing whatsoever to do with having to SAVE my sister or being punished and shunned by the entire Clan during a Independece Day week-end.

May take me awhile to catch on. But, Ooooo when I do