h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmm, yes, that does sound slightly weird...

Well, you can always stalk Yelbakk - I'm sure he won't mind.

Actually, I taught P how to use the toilet

But I'm sure he can do that all by himself now, having graduated school and all.

Well, you can ask that in the letter you write him!

'PPS - I hope you know how to use the toilet on your own now.'

You have the best ideas! actually, that question might dramatically increase my success with all men!

Well, now that we "seem to be hitting it off pretty well..." (), I feel obliged to observe that such question might not go down well with certain men. I'd suggest to take one step at a time, like "have you learned to close the toilet lid when you are done?" or "do you remember by now to flush *after* you are done?" You know, you don't wanna overtax us men

Y.

How about "Can you aim"? That one's very important!

Well, now that question is SO not the point. Genetically, you know, men are designed to aim wide and far and all over the place

And I won't even talk about sitting down. I am not even gonna go there...

Y.

Well, if you say that's SO not the point, there we have your problem! Do you know just how many negative points that alone brings you?

Hey, I said I won't discuss it - that doesn't mean that I won't *do* it.

Well, my sister always says "Sit down or lick up" - is that an incentive?


and why are we having this discussion anyway?

It's all just diversionary activity...

Ah, that explains things - and all those conversations about are just a false front, right?

Nonono, all those conversations about football are not a false front. In fact, in most cases, the football conversations are just all there is: the surface behind which no substance is hiding. It's all surface and nothing beneath, but at least the surface is real, enough.

Me, I don't talk football, of course.

Y.

very philosophical, all that - gives a new meaning to "hollow man"

'We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!'

(TS Eliot)

Exactly!

Alas!



So, have you written the stalker-letter yet?

* "Stalker! They're on to me!" *

You should read back a bit. It's funny.

Pssh. Who you think you're talking to?