h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How can anyone of my sex, age, orientation and looks (male, 29, straight, good... as I am told) maintain any kind of self-esteem when the only kinds of women I seem to inspire interest in are either retired or girls under the age of five??? I have always known that old ladies like me - "such a nice young man..." Even a child I was able to charm all my grandmother's friends into doing for me whatever I wanted them to do for me. Oh well.

The other day I sat down in a café to have some coffee, which is a reasonable thing to do in a café. There were only four other people there as it was pretty early in the morning: two construction workers who preferred not to be caught working, a young mother and her daughter of about three years. And before I could even only think about taking out the book I had the intention of reading, the little girl marched over to my table and demanded to be entertained. Highly cute, too.

It's always the same. Old ladies like me, little girls like me, and also (just to be precise) gay men of all ages like me. All of whom are nice, in their own way. Old ladies often are the greatest story tellers. Little children are always fun. Men, gay or straight or anything inbetween, are good friends. But as far as women of my age group are concerned, I am either too stupid to notice any signal they might or might not be sending, or I am just sh!i out of luck there.

Y - thanks for listening.

As a happy married man for 25 years I am not highly qualified to offer much advice, but the qualities you describe would seem to be very positive and desirable by the opposite sex.
Random Mood.

Tell that the opposite sex

Y.

lol, sorry!
PS - get a dog, great for breaking down barriers with other dog owners!

Ah, no way. It's not so much that I hate dogs (I don't), I just don't really like them. And let's be honest... a one room appartment of 25 square meters is just not big enough for the two of us, a dog or me. My neighbor manages to have no less than two dogs and one cat in a flat of the same size, and you can imagine the smell that emanates from her room as soon as she opens the door. This lovely scent is, in fact, even added to by her heavy smoking habit and her heavy non-opening-of-windows habit

So, no. No dogs. I might borrow one of my cousins' kids and take them to the park. That'll get me them looks alright. Sounds like someone should make a movie out of that. Oh. Wait. Bindun, right?

Y.

Borrow one, that's a great idea!
Just off for a walk with mine now!
Random Mood.

I don't know if I can say anything without sounding kinda smug, what with me being so sickeningly in love and all...

Not that I'd have any advice anyway, really. Never been good at that stuff. *shrug*

What were you reading? If it was "The Psycopathic Divorcees' Handbook" that might be a clue

Personally, a similar problem, in that only old or married men and mega-s (the boring kind with the limp handshake - nothing wrong with a bit of ) are aware of the fact that I exist, let alone am female...

No, it wasn't the "Psychotic Divorcee" handbook. Owing to the fact that my grandfather worked as a criminal investigator, I came into the possesion of books that I understand people to feel put off by, even though I passed my favorite one (The Investigation of Unnatural Deaths) on to my cousin, who, passing over from Realschule to Gymnasium after her tenth grade, seemed to need some worthy equipment... I did not, however, have any of those books on me, and anyway, I did not even get to get it out of my backpack. If I had, the world would have been releaved to see that it was, in fact, Northanger Abbey.

As to not being noticed - let's all join in the lament
I hear you, kid, I hear you

OK, so we've eliminated that option - did you order a bowl of oatmeal, and tell the waiter to make it extra-bland, hold the salt, and use water instead of milk please?

Why, would that do it for you?

No, just figuring out what could possibly be so boring about you!

I think I know what it is... on second thoughts, no, I actually don't.

Y.

Well, there's your problem: you'Re too indecisive!

...which actually is exactly the case
But seeing it spelt out simple as that gives me a sense of direction, too, so thanks

Y.

So you don't even know whether to be annoyed that I figured it out?

I'm the same way, I take 10 minutes just to pick something at the bakery...

I was absolutely sure that I was not annoyed. Surprised, I was. To be figured out so quickly. On the other hand, "indecision" is (if I were to be entirely honest for a second), just a cover up. The real root cause might simply be that I am a coward.

...which is not exactly true, either. In my past relationships, there was no indecision, no doubt, or anything. I think.

So what is your excuse?

Y.

Me? Oh, I have more important things to worry about. Who needs men anyway?

Well, there is one man I do need: it's the guy who processes my paychecks Other than that, I would fully agree (excepting of course the possibility that agreeing includes negating my existence which I would not gladly have). It's a bit like in that song by Die Ärzte, "WAMFW" (If all men were women), where he goes on about how great the world were if all men were indeed women - except him...

Y.

I remember when my father moved out, my sister's friend asked "So who's going to open your jars now?" - see, you do have your uses!