h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Starts writing 100 times "I must learn to notice when the conversation goes over the page*

*sits in physics computer room looking over her shoulder and pretends to code fortran in xemacs*

*arrives late and reads backlog*

Oo, harsh Abi!

*adopts bad northern accent*

A library eh? Luxury!

*wisely gives up on northern accent*

That makes it all far too easy - actually having the information written down somewhere. When I were a lad, after the lectures, you had to go and work out stuff for yourself through experimentation!

*sits in her bedroom looking like she's not doing any work and eating chocolate*

"When I were a lad, after the lectures, you had to go and work out stuff for yourself through experimentation!"

Oh really Mr G? I am not sure we need to know what experimenting you were doing after lectures!

(Then again I might just ask your friends!)

Mental note to self: remember to check bribe/blackmail schedules are all up to date.

*wonders*
Hum...
*ponders*
Hmmm...
*contemplates*
Ermm...
*relaxes*
Well thats my work done for today

Hey Ian, who do you suppose we get to bribe to get our conversation back up? I have a really bad feeling that it was waiting for me to reply before Rupert and so now it'll have taken me about a year to reply

me me me me!

(NB This particular italic is always open to being bribed )

Ooh ooh ooh ooh!!!
Yey! Hold on, you do remember how long this conversation was don't you? It's the one thing which people always seem to remember me for at the meets...well actually not at the recent meets, the recent meets I've tended to be noted for my disruptive element and choice of guests but before that it was always the conversation that was noted
*thinks again then has some chocolate to ease the exhaustion of thinking twice in one day*
So if we were thinking of bribing you, what would you say your average rates were? OOh and if Ian provides photographic evidence will we get it back quicker

So who is easier to bribe? You or Jim? Since I'm guessing that you would have to bribe Jim in turn to hack the database to unlock the conversation in question, it might be cheaper for us to go direct.

Tsk! Those pesky simulposts! That was actually in reply to Abi...

Photographic evidence of what...

*grins*
I don't know but theres enough photographic evidence to use against me from the last meet to last for years and that was only over 2 days so I'm assuming that as you've known him for aaaaaggggggeeeeessss he must have a fair few pictures?
*prods Ian and grins*
You have a fair few pictures right?

Ooh Jim, now theres a thought...I could stealth into the BBC building, and umm...then...errr....hold on I'll get back to you with the rest of the plan...

Jim says he has a sliding scale of charges for conversations based on the value of the conversation itself. So I am afraid that you lot find yourself priced out of the market!

Would you like directions for Fort Knox?

Pah, thats easy....we can umm...I could sing Britney songs continually until people pay me to shut up? That worked in Manchester so on a much larger scale I could make Millions! Failing that I assume the scale goes up depending on the quality value as opposed to length of waffle so ummm... 5 pence might do it?

Tinkerbell - aren't you supposed to provide me with the photographic evidence rather then the other way round?

*looks confused*
Oh is that how it works? Oooh that explains a lot...
*goes off with a new plan to get the photo of her arse taken down *


*prods Ian*
Where'd you go? I mean honestly, fancy going off to do work during the working day, some people... Umm, how about ? Does work as a bribary technique until I get photos off of him?

Actually cake is better then photographs!

Really? Ooooh... OOOH! Then you should come to Durham they have the nicest cake anywhere in this cafe next to Waterstones, it's HUGE! Like 2 cakes on top of each other and it fills up the whole plate and then you get HUGE amounts of clotted cream on top too And it wasn't just me either, even Peregrin couldn't eat it all
*has brain wave*
In fact you should shift the London meet to Durham then I could just roll out of bed and there's 5 of us here already
*ignore the slight flaw that there's possibly more than 5 people living in London*

How about if I went into the BBC building and sang Britney songs?

Hey I put up a nice picture of you tinks - it said so
THAT other picture got censored