h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As a recent convert from shift work to office hours, I really need to acquaint myself with the concepts of 'school night' and also 'drinking in moderation'.

Yeah, the rest of us have to live with it; we have no sympathy.

B

It's getting into the routine of it that's the odd thing. Suddenly I have weekends again and can have a reasonably normal social life and go out every Saturday night... which is great, but it's just about getting used to the change.

Wuss! You should be young enough not to bother about 'schoool nights'.

School night drinking with a 7 start, ahhh the good old days ....

And how did you get chinned, young man?

Well all the details are pretty hazy but basically as follows:-

Went out on the town hoping to get pissed and mayby meet some nice young ladies . Succeded in getting pissed but the latter was for the most part eluding me.

After one-ish I decided I was too drunk and told my mates I was going home, went to the loo on the way out and three youngish lads followed me in (must have been 16-17ish) The leader told me that I had been trying to pull his bird.

I sized up the situation and came to the conclusion that when three people follow someone into the bogs and open with a line like that they are not coming to chat and told him to "f*ck off" in the hope he might loose his nerve.

Next thing I know I am on the floor covered in piss off the floor so I get up, hit him then get knocked down again. Then his two mates joined in (very tough of them) and started kicking me. Then someone else walked in and broke it up.

the shame of being chinned by little kids eh?

Not sure if I deserved it or not to be honest, I was chatting some girls up but I had no idea any of them had boyfriends. The liklehood is IMHO that that was just an excuse.

Ouch. Like you're in the habit of saying 'excuse me, before I attempt to chat you up, can I just check you don't have a psychopathic boyfriend?'. But yeah, it is a bit embarrassing being roughed up by boys too young to drink. If I were you I'd stick to 'there was these three blokes...'. Sounds *much* better.

Hope it all heals up quickly.

Yeah I know, still it is quite funny and as they say if you dont laugh you cry! I might as well make light of the situation.

Yeah, it's best to try and make light of it... after Christmas I was going around saying things like "I can't believe I got mugged by the Red Hand Gang."

Which is a quote from the Camden episode of Spaced, of course.

Kerr, my mind's still definitely young enough, but my body keeps trying to complain and tell me it's 30 years old!

A lad once approached me in a bar and said - "You've been eyeing up my missus." "Oh yeah ?," says I, "And which one is she ?" Chummy points to a young lady leaning against a pillar about 3 feet away.

"Good grief," I say "If I was after a bird, it would be something decent, not a cross-eyed, little, slapper like that."

Then I fetches him one while his chin's still flapping trying to work out an answer. Being a firm believer in ending things before I get hurt, I'm knelt on his chest, explaining things a bit more forcibly, when the afore-mentioned young lady sticks a glass in the back of my head.

You can still feel the little ridges.

There's probably a moral in this somewhere.

The moral is probably 'beware munters bearing glasses'.
Which has limited, but none the less real, applications.

Ho ho ho.

A rich tapestry, your life, Mr McKay...