h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*strange wibbly thing appears in middle of room. disappears, replaced by extremely confused-looking Captain Al Boy, who has been missing, presumed missing, since October but has been returned here by strange forces. obviously*

Huh? What... Affy? YK? What's going... oh. Saving the Galaxy again.

Shall we drag the ship out of mothballs?

And may I just say... it's good to be back.

[YK] Say ... if KL double-crossed Morty, maybe we could rescue him!

[Pause. Actually a rather long one]

[Elbert] That has to be the single stupidest thing I've ever heard you say.

*GL enters the room, just catching the YK's post.*

Actually, that might not be a bad idea. MM cares nothing for anything but himself, but he is brilliant and it would be in his best interest to help us. We have no way of knowing where he is being held, however.

*GL turns to Affy.*
I've finished duplicating Neural Stunners for everyone.

*Hands Neural Stunners to all present, and sets some aside for others yet to come.*
They all have full charges, good for 5 shots, but once we are on the OmegaMatic, we won't be able to recharge them unless we find some charge packs there. This is very likely, though, since they use standard charge packs which are found in abundance in every doomsday machine. The Neural Stunner is the only weapon that will work on some of the robots and androids that we will face. And even then, it will only temporarily stun some of them, although others will be stunned indefinately.

We managed to find some scraps of design notes that were incompletely destroyed by KL after the OmegaMatic had been built and they have given us a few leads. When we first get there, we are going to try to invoke GOD mode, which will give us invincibility against all weapons (although we can still die by falling into deep pits). We hope they haven't disabled it. There is also a jump cheat we can use if it isn't disabled either. There were a couple of other useful items in the "debug mode" options, but we will wait to see if they are needed. Of course, if they think of it, they can easily disable all of these.

Now, I haven't finished duplicating them yet, but I will also be issuing everyone with supercharged pogo sticks. There are many places where we sill need to jump higher than we normally can and these pogo sticks will give us that ability.

*Heads back to the lab to work on the pogo sticks.*

*raises her hand*

I have a question. Can the Neural Stunners be used on organic life forms, too?

I have another question. Not being a text based adventure devotee, am I at a serious disadvantage regarding references to characters and devices?

Wait, one more question. I've never been deaded. Does it hurt?

[Mackenzie] (About your first question,) I would imagine that the neural stunners would work on organic life forms such as clones and droids designed to be humans.

[Elbert] (About your second question,) Not as such, no, but you will have to imagine things.

[YK] (About your third,) ... Being deaded. HA! Oh, also, GL, I don't think I'll need the pogo sticks; I have the Force. And as far as deflecting blaster bolts is concerned, [takes out his lightsaber but doesn't arm it] I can do without GOD mode. It would still be nice.

[Examining neural stunner]

How does this wo..ZZZAPPP..OWWWW! D'Oh! er..

How does this wo..ZZZAPPP..OWWWW! D'Oh! er..

How does this wo..ZZZAPPP..OWWWW! D'Oh! er..

How does thi...

[Someone slaps it out of his hand]

[YK] Don't do that.

*examines the stunner*

"Won't my poetry beam work?" She looks sadly at the Poetry Beam.

Your standard weapons will be useable, but I recommend the neural stunner for many of the entities there. The main ones we have to worry about are the Sparky, Little Ampton, Shikadi, Shokshund, Sphereful, Spirogrip, Shikadi Mine, Volteface, Slicestar, and some tiny robotic explosive that enjoys dive bombing people. Oh, and there's also a strange breed of Shikadi called the Shikadi Master, but they're invincible, as are the Robo-Reds, extremely dangerous guard robots that shoot first and never ask questions.

Also, there are four robots from the infamous E-100 series: E-101 "Beta", E-103 "Delta", E-104 "Epsilon", and E-105 "Zeta". These robots are not the most dangerous of the pack, but should definitely be considered armed and dangerous.

Along with these threats, we'll be facing the core members of STUMPED: Minos Krylma, Big Bad Werewolf, NYC, Sea, evillene, Y2K (and clones), Lord Ancba, Yowuzupman, Zeb,...the gang's all there. It's even possible that Darth Noire and the Masque will show up from their long absences.

Oh, and Captain Al Boy, if you want the Esirpretne, that's fine, but I'm riding in the Mangar.

[YK] And I'll be flying the Millenium Bug, but be ready with those transporters!

Okay, here's my plan. We can take the Esirpretne, Mangar, Millinium Bug, and the CLI Mini-UFO. If the first three cause enough of a diversion, the Mini should be able to get close enough for us to sneak through the Ion Ventilation Shaft.

There's an asteroid field located close to the OmegaMatic. We can set the Esirpretne, Mangar, and Bug on cruise control, causing just a little damage just outside of their range, causing them to not pay close enough attention on the field. If the Mini is cloaked, the magnetic interference of the asteroid belt should be more than enough to keep them from seeing us, up until the time we board.

How does this plan sound to everyone? We can hash out the details on the way.

It sounds needlessly complex. I like it!

*Suicide Man wanders in. Technically he's dead, but that hasn't stopped him wandering around and expressing annoying opinions yet*



I'm proud to say that I've just completed a major campaign to deplete the enemy's supplies. I walked into the security complex surrounding the enemy's base and threw stones at a security machine gun until it shot and killed me. Thus I have reduced their supplies by approximately 156 armour piercing bullets.

*beams happily*

That's VERY good!

[YK] Fine, but I want to be in the boarding party.

[Mackenzie] Me too.

[YK] Sure. Oh, by the way, I have a spy on there who's disguised as a Gecko Warrior. There isn't really a password for figuring out it's her, except inasmuch as a Gecko Warrior transforming into an Oriental young woman.

Could you send me through the Ion ventilation shaft first, to make sure there's no traps or anything? You could fire me at it out of a torpedo tube if you like.

We can all be in the boarding party. We just need a lot of Red Suited Extras to man the other ships till we get back. Most of 'em will die, but we never really run out of 'em anyways.


Erm, YK? Why have a character disguised as a Gecko Warrior? Besides, do you have any idea how impossible that is? Just out of curiosity?

It's not IMPOSSIBLE. It's just IMPROBABLE. You'll find out the other way as well.

I have a character disguised as a Gecko warrior because they're about anonymous as anything in that direction can get. Plus I want YK to have some information that Y2K has, with some explaination for that (a spy).

BTW, could the OmegaMatic have a huge, vertical shaft running up/down it a la Cloud City? Up (or down) which an explosion could run a la Star Trek: Insurrection?

Almost certainly. I have yet to come across a space station, or indeed any expensive construction of any kind (eg the tower block in MI2) that doesn't.

And the final critical battle has to take place at the top of it, obviously. And the loser falling down it in slow motion, eyes wide, shouting 'Noooooo.....' goes without saying.

No, no, no. I want the explosion to run up it, a la Star Trek: Insurrection. You read the above post!!