h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I had some Yorkshire water the other day.
It didn't have much of an accent.

watter, nowt wrong wi watter, as long as there's no soap in it

Yeah, I know, washing only makes your skin thinner, doesn't it?

Prof's washing method = finger dipped in water and splash face

IS it always the same finger, that you have decided to sacrifice?

practice makes perfect

my granddad always used to say to my mam, "leave the kid alone, where there's muck there's money!" I'm still skint, but why change habit of a lifetime

people are actually too clean now a days, so no resistance to minor bugs and a man of my calibre having to catch the "common cold" is not on

and YOU are missed

... And the pointy brackets are missed here...

wow! thought you'd gone on holiday and forgot or didn't want to come backhope all has been ok in health mainly since your absence

Yes, fine.
Very nice weather here.

Oh come on, how could i forget about you?

aw! thank you

anyway, how have you been etc and have you been able to find work, since the way those err others treat you

I m fine, but still haven t got a job.
I m now preparing for an exam to become a librarian, while looking at job ads.
But as long as the ministry mor... errr people haven t sent me the official paper that says they re firing me, I can t look for a job, because i m not officially unemployed...

ministry mor... moron'ssee it's easymine are council and housing one's, so the word used often by me.

[ haven t sent me the official paper that says they re firing me]

Contact them and say your thinking about seeing a solicitor about suing them for loss of earning because you can't be employed elsewhere.
doesn't mean to say you dojust the threat

[tact them and say your thinking about seeing a solicitor about suing them for loss of earning because you can't be employed elsewhere.]

Can't: they're still paying me!!

They keep saying we all need to save money, and they still would rather pay me for nothing, than actually moving their backside and sent me my paper!!

Read "move" and "send".

And "[contact".

don't worry about speeling
I'm stuck for any other course of action to advise, just hope that they are taking laxatives to get them moving