defying the toaster gestapo
Yes, that's right, I am the Almighty Keeper of the Glow in the Dark Glitter, well, all glitter for that matter. And I now am in charge of the Polyester Slacks Museum. Soon I will be opening the new wing of the museum for everyone to see and admire, until then, just know that the Slacks are waiting.
the final results of my experiments with sanity.....
Behold the wonders of sleep deprivation!!!. bow before me, for i alone hold the secrets to spam. worship me, all of you! fall to your knees at the sight of my cow hat!
moo moo moo! i'm voodoo cursing you!!
Welcome to Cafe Weird.
Pull up a cushion, snag a magazine and enjoy the coffee.
Everything's Legal here. Come as you are. Don't make a mess. Don't bloody the carpets. And don't tempt the Fish.
scary story #1: the toaster of doom my toaster has been trying to kill me. 1 i keep hearing it knocking around in the cabinet. it watches horror movies via it's cord which it plugs into the phone lines. it's plotting. i can hear it and tomorrow is friday the 13th and i think it will strike then.
scary story #2 my fish.2i spend an immense amount of time tending to them. the most time consuming problem has been creating the perfect color. the color alone holds people hostage.
scary story #3 the sims.3 this is my therapy. i get an accurate description of someone i hate and "sim" them, then i proceed to kill them slowly in cruel ways...... what did you say you looked like? ah yes, now i remember...
scary story #4: #1 part 2.
The Fish Files Continue.4 After more than a year of careful breeding and many deaths, i have finally gotten my master race of fish!!!! it has all of the colors of all the fish i have bred thus far, has a Tuxedo AND a Cobra pattern. MUWAaHAAA AAHHAAA *cough* HAHAA!!!! . Now all i have to do is give them Albino eyes.
Scary Story #4: The Toaster's Revenge5 my toaster has been seething for some time now, angrily snapping its cord at me for ignoring it.
Glitter sticks to everything.
There is no point in trying to wash it off either, as the water will act as a glue and further adhere it to your skin. It will be ground into your carpets and grout. And no matter what you do, it will never leave. Why you ask? Because glitter is ALIVE!
Glitter follows me where ever I go. I come by the name Glitter Girl relatively honestly. You can always tell if I've been by because there will be a trail of glitter across the floor or chair or cat. I don't even have to put glitter on anymore, I just wink and wrinkle my nose and POOOF!! Its appears! It's magick.
Just when you think things are looking their worst...
BLAMMO!!! Right in your face. It gets worse. But such things look amiss in the shiny pages of the glitter girl. Let this be a lesson to everyone, everything ripe was once sour, everything that glistens will tarnish at some point. Even a diamond was once worthless and ignored. While I may be indeed the glitter girl, not even the finest, most iridescent glitter can stave off the tides of depression. Not everyone can claim sanity. I certainly don't.
Indulge your insanity. somewhat damaged.
Come see the wonders of having too much time on your hands.
crazy? i was crazy once......
Wouldn't that just sting a bit? Oh but wouldn't it be grand? To just shuffle around building up static energy, just waiting for the wrong person to cross you. Oh the power. And you scoot around, waiting, waiting, trying not to touch anything. Waiting........ And then.........
This is my top Secret Project. It is with this device that i shall take over the world, one shag carpet at a time. It is based on 15,000 volt carpet shock technology was made known to me by The Magnificent Basket Zeus the WonderKind. And it is this kind of Power that shall aid me in my quest. Prowling through Coffee Shops and Carpet Emporiums, i shall begin, winding my way through larger outlet malls Kill Zapping anyone who dares defy me like a NutCat when it steps on the wrong power line. ZAPP!! Then, i shall move into the more populated shopping malls and finally, into the Poodle Farm, where i shall free them of their ugly coil.White wash for Dark Thoughts
I have been feeling very mystical lately.
This is good for all of you lost souls who wander into my murky sand traps and eat the cookies. NO! NOT THOSE!!
*SMACK* Don't eat the oatmeal ones! Those are for my cannibal fish.
Now, normally i reserve my Guru Talents for my other site. (not to be confused with the H2G2 Gurus) But i am feeling very generous lately. I think it may be the tap water here, but what the leech? I will be nice until i regain some sense of reason. Feel free to consult me on your dilemmas. Just don't ask me about orange things or about Fluff.
Less time spent on the project this week. Learning to walk again takes a bit higher priority.
Damn straight Skippy..
Not everyone has been taught one of life's most important lessons: How to gut fish. I learned this several years ago and actually had a very high paying job with putting this lesson to good use. Oh, the memories. Everyday, showing up, performing a task that makes most people squeamish, shooting the sh... Salmon a bit, getting paid more an hour than most people who have nice cozy office jobs. Good times. People respect you when you have a job like that. They have to really, I mean, I handled you food while it was raw. Would you REALLY want to be rude to someone who is touching your meat and fish. So of course you are extremely nice to me. And if you aren't? Well, when I turn my back to you to wrap it, let's just say you will get a nice sample of whatever candy I am chewing on buried in your food. Yes, that's right. I was one of the Elite, one of the Meat Cutters. And to top that, I had earned the title of Seafood Manager. so this meant that I was the Head Fish Faere and official Lobster Killer. You want your fish gutted?
You ask me. Need a recipe?
Ask me. Want your meat cut just right?
Ask me. Want to have me cut a special piece from an unopened side of beef because you don't like the ones in the case?
Bugger off, cause you aren't getting it.
Technically, I didn't have to handle meat, only seafood, but meat is fun. It's one of the best jobs I have ever had. And why not? I got paid to be walk in ankle deep blood at times, to mutilate animal carcasses, and to glare at people. What could be better? just remember:
knife goes in, guts come out.
Trying to add some sparkleYumm
Time for one of my favourite things: Food. Being the tortured artist type, i am often plagues by long bouts of laziness and general contempt for cooking at home. i can cook very well, and i love to cook for people, but sometimes i just don't want to bother. so i grab my notebook and head off to find something fast and greasy.
sushi is beautiful, so colorful, so delicate. it smells nice and i just love to look at it, but i don't much fancy the taste.
i won't eat jell-o. i am scared of it. and it's all because of Pedro, because he came back to life. my advice, if you find jell-o, stab it with a kitchen knife and throw it in the sink. never let it see you scared. jell-o can smell fear.
|Messages left for this Researcher||Posted|
|so where are the scary tales?||Oct 13, 2000|
|[no subject]||Nov 8, 1999|
|Conversation Title||Latest Post||Latest Reply|
|DUCT TAPE!||Jul 6, 2000||Oct 7, 2002|
|Ancient Riddle||Jan 11, 2001||No Replies|
|Yawn||Jan 10, 2001||No Replies|
|trying not to trip.||Jan 5, 2001||No Replies|
|humble but bold request||Jan 3, 2001||No Replies|
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