Journal Entries
Nation States
Posted Jan 14, 2005
http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi
Good Game
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Latest reply: Jan 14, 2005
I've fallen and I have to get up
Posted Dec 30, 2004
Why is it that I have such an easy time falling for women that live so far away from me? In every case, there have been 4, I have known it would not work out and in 3 out of 4, I have managed to get emotionally attached and I have gotten hurt in some way.
First there was Kelly who lives (lived?) in Prince George, BC. She was going through a divorce when things between me and my ex started looking up in 2002. She dropped off the face of the planet.
Second, Rachel. Up in Ontario, we still talk and are good friends.
Third, a friend I cannot name. She moved here and then left, I never told her how I felt before she moved.
Fourth, Bethany. I fell for her quicker than any of the other 3. Read my other journal entry for more info on her.
Just once, can't I fall for someone who lives in the same state I do? The same county? How about the same 
ing city? 
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Latest reply: Dec 30, 2004
Self Confidence
Posted Dec 28, 2004
Self-confidence is such a wondrous but fragile thing. Several years ago, I began to lose my self-confidence as my marriage faltered and then failed. While I know that the failure is not due exclusively to me, my feelings on the matter argued differently. That ultimately resulted in my suicide attempt on Dec. 27, 2001.
Three years later, my self-confidence is much higher than at any point in the last 7 or 8 years. It has recently taken a dramatic upturn.
I met someone who I consider to be an extremely good friend. She somehow gets me to do things that I would never have done in the last 8 years. She accepts me for who I am, she compliments me on what I consider to be very ordinary looks (making me blush), she makes me laugh and smile. I can't recall anyone (besides my kids), or anything, having this effect on me. She makes me feel much more confident in myself than at anytime I can remember. I REALLY hope she realizes the effect she has on me. 
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Latest reply: Dec 28, 2004
Bethany
Posted Dec 23, 2004
I met Bethany about a week ago, we got talking while playing pool on yahoo and quickly became friends. We get along REALLY well and have come to know each other fairly well. We have exchanged pictures and such but tonight, wow, we talked by voice and let me tell you, she has the most amazing voice! It's Angelic. It's possible that I am falling for her.
Now for the downside to this: she lives 1,864 miles away from me in Morgan City, Louisiana.
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Latest reply: Dec 23, 2004
Wow, 3 years
Posted Dec 22, 2004
December 27 marks 3 years since I attempted suicide. Wow! I can't believe it has been that long!
Long story short:
Ex had an affair, I had a mental and emotional breakdown and tried pills and alcohol, I spent a few days in the psychiatric ward.
After I had been released from the psychiatric ward I wrote an email to a good friend:
"I know that you are probably mad at me for attempting suicide.
I had let the pressure build and build and build, I was not able to
release it and it started to eat me up. I didn't know what to do.
This is really no excuse but it is the way that I was feeling at the
time.
I tried to pm you on messenger, I guess you are not on right
now. I am spending some time with Annette but, her friend Cortney has been with us. While I am more able to cope with the situation now, it is still hard to do so. I learned a few good coping skills while I was in the "Nut Ward" LOL. Even now I am trying to use one of them. I called myself weak for having a drink of alcohol, I have to find 3 reasons that invalidate that phrase. I am having a hard time doing so. I have been writing a journal for the last several days, I had tried journaling before but this time I am determined to keep it up. In my journal, I write what I am feeling, what my thoughts are. I let Annette read it so that she knows what I am feeling. When I write in it, I do not even think about the fact that Annette will be reading it. Some of what I write hurts her a little but, it is how I feel. One day I will have to copy my journal into an email for you so that you can read it."
It's truly amazing what a person can accomplish, mentally, when they have put themselves on the brink of mental and emotional death. I divorced my wife(something I did not think I could do) and I am raising my kids as a single parent. Who'd a thunk it?
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Latest reply: Dec 22, 2004
Good Doctor Zomnker (This must be Tuesday," said GDZ to himself, sinking low over his Dr. Pepper, "I never could get the hang of Tuesdays.")
Researcher U98469
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