h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

After much thought, J has determined that while she does want to marry me, she is not sure she will be ready next February. This is something she told me near to a month ago and even though it hurts, her reasoning is very sound.

1. The kids and I have to adjust to the addition of one person to our family. For her, it is not just having to adjust to a new husband, she has to adjust to an instant family.

2. She will want to adjust her work schedule so that she can be home more. She feels that working 12 hour shifts will not be beneficial to the kids.

3. Then there is the issue of both of us needing psychiatric counseling. I have the abandoned young boy to deal with. She has issues from past relationships, that were abusive, to come to terms with.

While waiting for her kind of sucks, she is most definitely worth the wait.

I'm probably not the right one to be the first to respond to this as an actual marriage to me is a practical matter and no big deal - I only got married because it saved some paperwork with 'your kid, my kid and our kids' when we bought a house.

To me the important subjects in a relationship between two adults are how you treat, support and love each other - and the children involved.

Having said that I think you have a very wise, considerate and empathic woman close to you.

And from what I read in Lil's Salon, both you and J. enjoy being in love and the two of you are spending a lot of good times exploring the many facets of life and the world together.

To understand: You will not actually live together until you are married? If so, I can see it is a long wait.

If I'm allowed to ask - does no marriage mean no sex? A very private question, I know. In Denmark it is very rarely so, but we do see some tv-broadcasts from the US where exactly that is the message. Maybe only for very young people?

Those are all issues that need to be considered. I took on three step-children when I married. That isn't an easy thing to do. Jen needs to make sure she's ready for it.

The answer to your question is yes, tartaronne. It is going to be a long wait and there will be many times where I am very frustrated about it but, this is the life I have chosen.

That *is* tough. But as you say, it is your (and J.'s) choice. And if you feel that is the best and right way - it *is* the best way.

with everything. I'm sure you enjoy each others company nevertheless.

On quite another note. -moment. Am I the only one who gets Doors in my minds ears when I see the title of this conversation.

Waiting....waiting...waiting...waiaiting.... Waiting for you to....come along (I'm not too sure about the last )

to butt in again. I really don't understand the concept of no sex before marriage. Sex is no big deal in my opinion. Pleasurable and good fun. Fun excercise even. And a way to have offspring. But is it the Meaning of Life? Hardly. It is as natural as kissing and hugging, fighting and cooperating.

Maybe it is because I am not religious, allthough in my country we are all protestants - (except for the very few who are catholic, Greek and Russian Orthodox, Muslims and Bhuddists) The laws and common sense are based upon hard work, duty and sacrifies - i.e. Lutheranian Protestantism.

I have no religion - I do not believe in anything but being part of a community - small or large - based on kindness, helpfulness, tolerance and joy - without annoying anybody else. But definitely not based on any form of religion, as I see religion as the number one course for wars, prejudice and unempathetic power. Money as number two. And hence for bullying, corruption, criminal offences, murder (= the catholic church preventing HIV-smitten people to use condoms), and a way to suppress people who think otherwise.

. Like you I feel strongly about this.

I don't pray - I act. But we may think alike and do alike - from a different outlook. And that is not too bad.

I have yikesed my previous post because I find it is inconsiderate, out of line and way off topic.

I hope it disappears soon.

I'm sorry, GDZ.

tartaronne

Good to have read it, though, tartaronne. Kinda puts who you are in perspective. Good to know ya! Even if you 'act' a bit different than I might in the same instance. Keep the faith you have; no self-condemnation.

B4theresaholewhereyourpostused2B

RE: tartaronne's previous post which may or may not disappear...

I had one gentleman tell me that his previous relationships went bad because they became intimate too soon, and it made the relationship less meaningful. I agree with you, tartaronne, but we shouldn't let our personal opinions stand in the way.

And GDZ, I know how Jen feels, as well. When R. asked me to get married, it was only six months or so after a death in the family. I wasn't sure of my own judgement at the time, so I hemmed and hawed until I realized that my wishy-washiness was hurting my sweetie's feelings. Once I made it clear what was going on, R. felt a lot better about it, and I did too. When we did get married, we were both *really* ready.

I had this answer from the moderators this morning.

"we have decided that it does not contravene the House Rules and are going to leave it on site".

So, GDZ, please accept that I'm sorry, and feel bad about riding my own hobby horse in your journal. It is not very helpful concerning the matters, you are pondering.

I'm sorry to hear the news, GDZ. I think you and Jen are strong enough to solve the issues, and she's got a point. It's a delicate thing, merging a family. You're both going through a lot right now, and it can't hurt to delay it a little bit; it might even make the bond stronger. with everything!

No worries tartaronne, my views on sex have changed over the last few months. My views were very similar to yours. I don't say your views are bad they are just not for me anymore. J and I discovered that having sex was interfering with what we are trying to accomplish, it was becoming the center point of our relationship and was starting to seriously harming it. So, we yikesed it until marriage.

Sex and how it affects relationships is very much an individual issue... some people leap in the sack within two hours of meeting and still have a stable relationship eight years later.

My attitudes towards the whole thing have changed a lot since then... but I won't elaborate because I ain't sharing.

Anyway, enough about me... hope things work out for you two. You've seemed much happier (insofar as one can discern happyness from reading text on a screen) overall since meeting J.

>>You've seemed much happier

Which of course are the key words.

Good, GDZ, I was really worried I'd hurt your feelings....

You are not the only one to have noticed that Mr. D. A lot of my family have said the same, as has her family about her.

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