h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Some of you may know that I play quizbowl for my school. If you don't, the basics are that I'm pretty damn good (if I say so myself) and that it's the most important thing in my life.

In any case, I was at practice for novice, the beginners' level, today, and my coach decided to ask a series of math questions from a Los Angeles math placement test for inner-city high school students. Fair enough. But ... the subject matter was a bit, well, odd.

One question went something like this: 'If Damian pimps three ho(e)s (sp?) and each ho(e) can turn three tricks in one week for $50 an hour, how long will Damian have to pimp for in order to support his $3,000 crack habit?

I don't remember what the exact numbers were, but the other questions featured drugs (cocaine in particular), sex, stealing stuff like cars and going to prison. Oh, here's another one:

Ramón was sentenced to prison for six years for peddling cocaine, but before he was caught he made $10,000. His common-law wife spends $100 of that money a month. How much will be left when Ramón gets out of prison?

Teaching math in inner-city LA is not a job I'd like to have. But as a friend pointed out afterward, how many of our sheltered quizbowl team are ever going to 'pimp a ho(e)', develop a cocaine addiction, steal a BMW or go to prison for six years?

Cheating on a test, though? No problem.

Well you know its a slipper slope EMR, first cheating on a test, then caffeine addiction. Before you know it you're selling your body three times a night to support that ailing crack addiction while crawling through rubbish tips during the day in search of that lucky lottery ticket.

I'd like to think so anyway

Well, don't students always complain that they don't get enough 'real life' applications for math?

Whatever it takes.



Er... I think it's wh0res you might mean.

Aye well being from the 'hood I'm sure it'll help them in life. Obviously she means whores but this is the ghetto ma' brother, we don' talk proper that's for the school kids, not the cool kids essé; down here we say ho and hoes for real.

*Makes a W-sign with fingers*

C'mon it's bringing math to life It's math... for real. Fo' real. Yeah.

You know, Tony, that whole slippery slope thing is actually a real danger. These kids are desperate - they *have* to get good grades and get into a good university, and they will do whatever it takes.

Thanks for clarifying on the spelling, too. I can spell 'whore' (in fact, in eighth grade I was one of the few people who could) but I've never seen 'ho' on paper, only spoken.

I don't know how our coach managed to read those questions with a straight face. I hope we get them again next practice.

There are many times, and this is one of them, that I am glad I live in deepest rural Wales. We don't need "ho's" we have ewes.

Blessings,
Matholwch /|\

The American slang dictionary defines ho as a hooker or a hoochie. A man who has more than one girlfriend is a ho-monga. Sometimes a ho is considered more promiscuous than a hoochie.

Waddup, my bruddas and sistas. Whats goin down y'all?

If questions like that were ever asked at my school in maths, the teacher would get laughed down so badly. It would never get asked anyway, but if it was students would talk about ti for years to come.

One philosophy amongst the young is that uncool adults and teachers are uncool, but adults and teachers who are uncool yet attempt to be cool are even uncooler. They can't win. It would be something like that at our school.

And besides, even though they may say it, nobody in our school would have any kind of experience with things like that.

Perhaps you would prefer this test:

MATHS TEST FOR PUBLIC SCHOOLS

Name___________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
_____________________________ if longer please continue on a separate
sheet )
School _______________________________________________
Daddy's / Mummy's Company ____________________________

1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and
killing 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief Constable to
intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and
receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times
the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of
car is Harry driving now?

2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand
products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course
of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Fiona
doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

3. Tristram fancies the arse off a certain number of debutants, but he
only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14
tablets of Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds?

4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a size
8 Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks, she has to
make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost?

5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies
women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners.
However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When will he
stand for parliament?

>>These kids are desperate - they *have* to get good grades and get into a good university, and they will do whatever it takes.<<

Which kids are you referring to?
A good 3/4 of the inner city kids in the Big Apple aren't desperate to do anything except--er, well, you heard the questions.

>>These kids are desperate - they *have* to get good grades and get into a good university, and they will do whatever it takes.<<

Which kids are you referring to?
A good 3/4 of the inner city kids in the Big Apple aren't desperate to do anything except--er, well, you heard the questions.

A whole ring of 'em were arrested off my train a few days back, actually. (The place was swarming with plainclothed cops. Very impressive. Still, it was difficult not to wonder about the guys squishing into the farthest seats and explaining that they can't afford to get arrested just now, so would anyone mind standing in front of them please?

Very good, KA.

Sorry, Leo - I meant the kids that I go to school with would easily cheat, if it meant a better grade.

In fact echo, I think I've found the piece your quiz was based on:

MATHS TEST FOR COMPREHENSIVE SCHOOLS

Name _____________________________
Nickname__________________________
Gang Name________________________

1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for
300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street value of
the rest of his hold?

2. Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs
per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day coke
habit?

3. Crackster wants to! cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid
to make a 20% profit. How many grams of Strychnine will he need?

4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got GBP350,000 for the hit. If
his common law wife spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be
left when he gets out?
Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing the
slapper that spent his money?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the
average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with
eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free ?

6. Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of
35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20
seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets
whacked?

I daresay that's it, except Americanised!

As far as I can see, a stupid and very stereotypical question asked so that the people asked might feel, um, somehow

As if any of you live this, know anything about it.

It seems like a very cheap dig, not clever, not funny.


az

You'd be surprised how ubiquitous the drug world really is. I was (ostensibly) a respectable member of school, prefect and peer mentor as well as involving myself in various seminar days and international conferences; I have had access to illegal drugs since I was 12 and have known people who have been large time dealers. Then again that was in London, now I'm in Glasgow it doesn't seem as frequent (or maybe I'm in the wrong part of town) but either way we live in a drug-heavy culture whether we like it or not.

So Simon is selling 90 grammes of coke for 90 quid Kerr?

Have you got his number

<>

Of course we don't. Which is the irony, I guess. Thank god.

I could technically get some two blocks away, but I've never tried.
*shrug*

Meet under the sneakers...