h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh...it was your birthday Ed, I didn't know that! Many happy returns

I was thinking about talking to someone on h2g2 about - yeah well, about my depression. You wrote on your personal space, and I think in some conversations as well, that you are manic depressive. I just get the depressions, I don't get manic. But it's somewhat down the same road, if I can say so .

So, I was wondering if you like to talk about the subject at all, or if you rather like to forget about it. Maybe you are not very keen to talk about it, I would of course understand that.

No problem. By e-mail, if you prefer.

Three useful thoughts to start with:
- It's an illness - and a very common one. It's *not* a personal failing.
- Medication is important. Don't be scared of it.
- The treatment of choice these days is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.

I don't mind at all if we talk here, but if you prefer it, here's my email: [email protected]

I'm telling myself that it's an illness, but sometimes it seems that nobody else knows this

Medication: this is one point that is constantly on my mind at the moment. I don't take anything - yet. I *am* scared. But then, I am scared of pretty much everything I have the telephone number of a neurologist, but it's such a huge thing to call. I know that I will have to. Maybe tomorrow. Yeah - tomorrow morning!

I have now been twice to see a psychologist, but a lot of the time I was just answering her questions with "I don't know".

Thanks Ed, it's really good to write this. Unfortunately, I don't have someone in real life to speak to about. Apart from the psychologist, but I don't know her and she doesn't know me.

Please don't feel offended if I'm asking stuff that's too personal, I'm so scared to say the wrong things. You don't have to answer if you don#t want to.

Did you always have the illness? Or did it come at a specific time in your life?

With hindsight, I've been depressed periodically since I was about 14. Also with hindsight, I guess minor hypomanic episodes started in my 20s, with a couple of major episodes in the last five years, the second of which put me in hospital. (about 3 1/2 years ago). But mainly I've been depressed.

Really, really don't be afraid of talking to doctors. In the UK, depression is the most common illness - and I guess it must be the same in Germany. Your doctor will have seen it all before!

Medication - if you're *really* scared - In guess that in Germany you'll be able to get St John's Wort (das Johanniskraut) prescribed. But I'm not convinced by that - and it only works (if at all) for mild to moderate depression (and not for bipolar depression).

Modern drugs - medical science has moved on a long way since patients were doped up with tranquilisers. Yes, some of them have side effects, but they tend to be mild. Sometimes you have to try a few before you find something that works for you. Don't get fooled by the popular views about things like Prozac - they're not designer recreational drugs that will totally change your way of thinking. And it's *not* a failure to have to take them.

Again, in Germany, I guess your insurance will cover things like massage, spa cures, etc. Take anything going! Lessons in relaxation are a good idea. Here they give out relaxation tapes (which shows how backward we are - No CDs or mp3s!).

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is a good idea - no idea what it will be called in German. Although depression is *not* your fault, depressed people learn patterns of negative thinking. CBT is all about looking at your negative thoughts, looking at whether the evidence really supports them and challenging them. I find that it helps to stop me going down the wrong road and tinking that disasters are imminent and they're all my fault etc. etc.

The big thing to remember is that you *will* get better - with treatment. And that this really *is* an illness - a very common illness that doctors will have seen before - and you probably know lots of other people who have it, even if they don't talk about it. "There are two types of people in the world: Those who are sorting out their shit and those who aren't." It's not weakness. It's not your fault.

Viel Glück! Feel free to ask me anything. Meanwhile - do something nice.

Hi Susanne, may I jump in and say hello too? I know this is a pretty private conversation, but I have suffered from very serious depression too. I second everything Ed has said, I agree with all his points. And I will add that fish oil capsules are very helpful in fighting depression and mood swings. I take Prozac too myself, and find it helps soooooooo immensely. Could not have made it without it. Good luck hun with fighting your depression.

And hi Edward too.

Actually - last time I researched it, fish oil was unproven for depression. There's very good evidence that it helps schizophrenia, and more and more evidence for bipolar disorder. It's unproven for unipolar depression - but it can't hurt! You probably need very big doses though (1.2g of the EPA component daily for bipolar = 6g of oil!)

Anyway - I've persuaded my psychiatrist to prescribe fish oil for me.

BUT - *as well as* NOT *instead of* medication.

Yes, good point. And there are many kinds of antidepressants out there, so if one doesn't work for you, you can try a completely different one, and so on.

I phoned two neurologists yesterday. One said that the earliest appointment I could get would be in two months. The other doesn't take on any more patients at all. Okaaaayyy...

I am just trying to pluck up the courage to phone my Mum. I'm going to ask her to fix an appointment for me (in my hometown). I really want to go home now, it's useless to stay here. I'm not going to university at all, I'm just drinking tea and reading Harry Potter to distract myself. But how on earth am I going to tell my Mum?

Okay, I'm going online again later to report.

Hi Hun! Emailing you. Hang in there.

And just tell her. It will be okay. Tell her you are getting too depressed to function. Even if she overreacts at first, she will calm down. Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. In other words, if you need help you must make yourself heard.

Hi JEllen, got your Email, thank you .
I tried to phone two times already, but it was just my sister answering. I'm going to the library now, after that I'll try again. I wrote down what I want to say to my Mum , so that I don't geet a blockade (is that a word?) in my head.
I don't think she will really understand, though. But we shall see .

Hi, sorry to interrupt.

"We were discussing the previous nickname on another thread, why not continue it there."

Post 5 Ed, did you miss this sentence? What does this sentence mean?

Arnie,

This is a conversation about a highly personal topic. It was initiated by someone else. No matter what you think of me, her privacy ought to be respected.

Arnie, you are stalking.

(sussanne - sorry. Arnie is annoyed at me because I will no longer respond to postings by him. I'm sorry that this has affected you).

What an odd place to have a personal discussion. My apologies.

Why is this an odd place? I don't mind. I don't know Arnie.

Second thought: Yes, I know this is a public place, it's the INTERNET if you mean that, but I don't care if it's public, on the contrary, if someone reads this and feels like commenting something useful, feel free to do so.

Still trying to talk to the Mum. Instead, my father called this morning, saying exactly the wrong things and making me cry. Just now I phoned the Mum and started by saying "Maybe I will sign out of uni this week." Silence. then: "Better talk to your sister." Me: "NOO!!!" Too late, it was my sis again and she can't help me with anything. Okay, tomorrow morning.

I feel a little sick now. But maybe I only had too much pineapple. I bought a tin a week ago and forgot about it. Finding it today, I thought Yay! something tasty for sunday brunch. Then I remembered that I don't have a tin-opener . So I had to work on it with my pocket-knife, a screwdriver and scissors . Managed to open it finally

Aww, hun, I am so sorry. Be patient, I'm hoping they'll come round. It's not your fault you are depressed; don't let anyone make you feel bad about that.

And it's not your fault that you can't just "Pull yourself together" (sich zusammennehmen ?) and put on a smile. It doesn't work like that.

Also, it's important to remember - and let others know - that you don't have to be depressed *about* anything. If you end up talking to people about life problems, they might think "Huh! Is that all?" But when you're depressed, even things like having to open a can of pineapple can seem like the end of the world.

And the stupid thing is that depression even makes you feel guilty for not being able to cope. Would you feel guilty about having a cold or a broken leg?

Hang in there!

Thank you guys! That's what I was telling my friend Mascha when I tried to make her understand: would you say to someone who has diabetes or something "Pull yourself together"? They don't get it that it's a physical illness. But you are right Ed, you definately learn to think in negative patterns. But I find it almost impossible to distinguish between what I *am* unable to do and what I only tell myself that I am unable to do. But I hope that a psychologist can help me to understand this better.