h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh dear Well, can't wait to hear the full story Ed! I need to distract myself now, the tricyclic is really kicking in, and not positively . If it doesn't improve over the weekend, I'll ask the doctor for alternatives.

How bad is the tricyclic affecting you? Your doctor might want you to be a little more patient to see if it settles down.

To distract and amuse you...the Prague story in brief. I was speaking at a conference in Prague. I flew out via Amsterdam and, since I had a stopover of a few hours, I figure I might as well take a taxi to a coffeshop and stock up on supplies. After all, a guy in a business suit with a letter of introduction from their government is hardly likely to be stopped.

Anyway...one evening I went out with some other delegates. Because I'd been to Prague before, I was volunteered to take them around the sighte. We finished at a nice restaurant and afterwards I put them into a taxi with the intention of walking home. I got a couple of blocks and came across a tiny, interesting-looking bar and decided to have one more beer. I went in, sat down and noticed a familiar aroma. So I pulled a mutant cigarette out asked the barmaid if it was OK to smoke in there. "If police come, is your problem", she said. I took that as a yes.

Anyway...as I sat there feeling mellow, I overheard an argument about the Iraq war and joined in and passed the mutant cigarette around. One of the guys was American, and I got talking to his British business partner...who was rather drunk. After a while, I asked him what business he was in. "Porn", he said. He told me all about his philosophy of 'ethical porn'. He said that he and his partner don't exploit people. Firstly, they won't ask anyone if they want to be in a film, but people who know what business they're in have to come to them. Secondly, the only sort of contract they'll have is a fifty-fifty profit split between the two partners and the 'performers'. Thirdly, they won't tell the performers what they should do. So...say a girl comes to them wanting to know how to make money. They'll say "If you want, we can film you fully-clothed, maybe smoking a cigarette or taking off your shoes . We could sell that. Not for much, though." So she'll say "OKaaayyy...so what if I were to..." and obviously profit levels increase depending on what she's willing to do." So - that was my insight into the Czech porn industry. I don't think there's much money in it. Later he got into a fist fight with his internet techie over some missing money, and I worked out they were fighting over €15. I think he makes more money teaching English.

However...he introduced me to his flatmate (also a teacher - not in porn) and she and I discovered a mutual love of the author Anthony Burgess. We got on really well and agreed to meet up the next night. (btw - I left the bar at 4am. I was speaking at 10!). She took me around all sorts of bars and I met philosophers, artists, 'escorts'. One guy was a huge, amiable Russian. I don't speak much Russian - only what I've learned from A Clockwork Orange, but we got on great. After a while, she said to me "This is the guy who's got permission to kill for the mafia." When I went to the toilet in the back room later, I saw a pile of dollar bills and a gun on one of the tables.

And that's the *brief* version.

My god, that mafia guy...how scary

When my parents were here in october, we drove around for a day in the low mountain region to the north east of Passau. It's a strange no-man's land there. We also crossed the border to the Czech Republic that day, and had a look around the villages. It was not a pretty sight. On this side of the border, the villages are nicely clean and everything for tourists. On the czech side they obviously expect a different kind of tourism. In one tiny village were three casinos, a dozen asian markets for cheap fake Nike-clothes, and a brothel on every corner.

Oh, he wasn't scary. I think the idea is that if anyone causes trouble, he kills them before the police get too interested.

Hello again. Thank you for the email Ed. I don't know, I really like my explanation of "the light" better, it's more romantic .

I've just been to see the doctor again this morning. That was tough, getting up so early. I normally now sleep until 10, even if I go to bed at ten in the evening (though I never sleep the whole night through, and have the most vivid dreams). But I managed to arrive on time, and told him about the side-effects. He said that Cipralex should have shown some positive effect by now. So now I am trying something different instead, called Paroxetin, which is also a SSRI. And I'm keeping up Doxepin in the evenings for the moment.

On saturday a girl came to see the apartment. She seemed to like it. That's a start at least.

Paroxetin is Seroxat in the UK. Very widely prescribed. Good side effect profile. (ie normally it doesn't cause many). I've taken it myself - it worked for a while and then stopped (this has happened with me for a few different medications - but everyone is different). It's been in the news this week because GSK were found to have hidden evidence that it *increased* suicidal thoughts in some teenagers (but anti-depressants work differently on teenage and adult brains). Good luck with it. Remember - one day you *will* wake up and feel fine.

The Smiths - the point is that *both* interpretations can be true. It's boring just to have one, obvious explanation.

"And in the darkened underpass/ I thought 'My God! My time has come at last'. "

That's brilliant! I don't know whether it's about furtive sex or the masochistic/suicidal thrill of being about to be beaten up. Or both!

btw - the vivid dreams. Yes - you kind of expect this with SSRIs. I hope they're good ones: 'Technicolor movies in the head'.

I get a problem with if I *don't take my medication at night. Venlafaxine/Effexor commonly has severe withdrawal effects. At first my dreams start out explicitly (and wonderfully!) sexual. But as the night goes on I start having fights with various dead family remembers. Usually it's because I'm being very unpleasant and I'm shouting at them to go away. Then I wake up with a headache and think "Damn! Must have forgotten to take my medication."

btw - the vivid dreams. Yes - you kind of expect this with SSRIs. I hope they're good ones: 'Technicolor movies in the head'.

I get a problem with if I *don't take my medication at night. Venlafaxine/Effexor commonly has severe withdrawal effects. At first my dreams start out explicitly (and wonderfully!) sexual. But as the night goes on I start having fights with various dead family members. Usually it's because I'm being very unpleasant and I'm shouting at them to go away. Then I wake up with a headache and think "Damn! Must have forgotten to take my medication."

Hi y'all. I have pretty vivid dreams most of the time, but always have, even before any meds.

Happy Valentines!

I was talking to a friend at work (who, incidentally, also has some problem's with depression. Her manager is bullying her and I'm trying to help sort it out). She said that she grew up thinking she was weird because she had strange dreams. But then someone lent her Carlos Cateneda and she relised it was quite normal.

Of course, now she thinks she's a crow posessed with the spirit of a Mexican Indian...

ah - wrong smiley. I meant

Happy Valentines to you too

Hey, the gang's all here!

They gave away free roses at the supermarket

Hey Ed, are you online?

Please write something nice to cheer me up. (you can leave anything unnice for your blog )

I'm sick again, and dizzy and pretty down.

You're not online now...but when you are next...erm...Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens? Brown paper packages tied up with string?

Seriously, though...keep remembering that you're going in the right direction. You're doing the right thing. You *will* get better. It's hard to believe when you're in a shitty place, but one day the future will all start to make sense again. I promise.

Meanwhile...for some further amusement...have a look at the direction the 'Six of One...' conversation has taken on PC's blog. .

Ooh! I know two things that *always* work:
1) A good, hot bath with lots of bubbles.
2) Dick und Doof

yeah, I read PCs Blog Oh god, I feel I'm a million miles away from having a normal relationship. My last "boyfriend", that's two years ago now. But things will get better again.

these are a few of my favourite things

I remember two movies with that song: One "Dancer in the dark" and Björk singing it. Second "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", at the beginning of the film, with blood splashing the screen.

I have to disappoint you, I only have a shower, no bathtub. And I don't have a TV.

But I'm sorting my cds, that's very good as well. - High Fidelity: "sorted autobiographically" Hmm, maybe that's worth a try.

For some of those things we were talking about, you don't need a boyfriend.

OK...let's think, then. No bathtub...then have a shower anyway and light a scented candle. Oh! And buy some flowers. I bet you don't buy yourself flowers often enough.

My parents came to visit over the weekend. I gave them lots of stuff to transport home in the car. Now I just keep the basics in my flat, to live here for one more month or so.

I told my mother that I went to see a psychologist and a neurologist, and that I'm taking medication now. She nodded and seemed to trust on the specialist's opinion, if he said it is the right thing to do, then I should do it. I assume she told my father afterwards about our talk. But we didn't bring up the subject again . We're not made for this kind of serious and important talk. We rather talk about cooking and the weather .

But we had two nice days here, on sunday the weather was lovely and warm, we went for a walk in the old town, then we went into the Dom and listened to the organ. It's the biggest organ in the world, and the sound really was impressive . In the afternoon we walked along the river Inn, there's beautiful nature there. On monday we drove over into Austria, there's a nice little town there not far from here, Schärding.

Yesterday another student came to see the apartment.