h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This thread is devoted to all those horrendous moments in our lives when we wish the ground would open up and swallow us.

Take last month for instance, at my Grandad's funeral. We went to the gathering afterwards and met up with relatives we hadn't seen since the last funeral, as we do. After a few double vodkas and coke I really needed to go to the ladies. Now usually I'm really careful of these situations, making sure my clothes are where they should be, I've no loo roll attatched to the bottom of my shoe etc. Unfortunately on this occassion I wasn't that careful. I happily re-entered the room we'd booked for the occassion, passing by relatives as I made my way up to where we were sat, asked if anyone wanted a drink as I was going to the bar and then proceeded on to the bar. It was as I was stood next to my Mum that I decided that I didn't quite feel "right", as I felt behind me I discovered (horror of horrors) that my skirt was tucked into my Bridget Jones knickers! Foolishly I whispered to my Mum, who decided to rather loudly announce it to the whole world and his wife. Cheers Mum! Luckily I've got a good sense of humour.

Another time was about 13 years ago when I was dating my ex. Earlier that day we'd been to a mutual friend's house and listened to the wonderful experience of trying to get your toddler to urinate in the toilet, not shake it all over the bathroom, and wipe himself in the final stages. So that night my ex (also named Andrew) came visiting, ((as we do when we're in love)) we had the house to ourselves and I was drying my hair in my bedroom, he decided he needed the loo. It suddenly popped into my head what my friend had said earlier about her son's toilet training so I ran to the top of the stairs and yelled "And make sure you wipe your w***y afterwards!". A male voice pipes up "What?", unknown to me my Dad had come home!

The moments that make you cringe.... or still do *lol*. I know them well...

Hello and nice to meet you Simbasmum... How are you?

well as being only 25 luckily I have not had too many crigeworthy moments (though I have had a few I tend to leave them buried and hope they remain that way )

But one I will post also happened at my grandads funereal about 7 months ago when we had all filed in for the service. It was a 2 in the afternoon service and being nervous I had not eaten all day. I was stood next to my auntie with my stomach rumbling like mad through it all and she was trying to keep a straight face as she was upset but couldn't help laughing at it.... Not sure if anyone else heard but I was on the front row and it was damm hard not to laugh too....

Hi Flamestrike, glad to meet you!

Well at least it could have been much worse at your Grandads funeral. You've just brought the memory of someone elses body having a mind of its own on that occassion! All I can say is that it was one of the family who was a row in front, and although it was silent it was certainly deadly .

How are you after your Grandad's passing? Were you close to him or just met him on family occassions? It can be a sad fact of life when it's the latter, although I must say that when my Dad died last Oct it has brought the family together. One thing you do learn as you get a bit older (I'm 33, by the way) is that when a person has passed it's too late to make up for lost time. I was glad to visit my Grandad a couple of months before he died, but before that it had been 7 years since I'd seen him!

Up until my Dad passing away I didn't visit my Nanna's grave, but since then I do, as they are buried in the same Churchyard. Since it was Father's Day yesterday I popped some flowers on both graves (my Dad's and my Nanna/Grandads), my older Sister has done the same.

Hope you're doing ok, keep your chin up!

Well I wasn't as close to my Grandad as I liked due to a family fallout that I helped patch up but I didn't see him for about 7 years plus we lived in different part of England but I was there towards the end which was important to me. So no regrets on that really....

I am 25 and understood the concept of time passing and what should be said and done before the moment since my Grandma died when I was 16.... but then that is the great cycle of life...

Well I am doing ok considoring and I hope life is treating you well...

Pete...

Hi Pete

Glad you're doing ok, and managed to be there for your Grandad towards the end. It can help in the aftermath if you haven't got feelings of guilt eating away at you.

Take Care

Jules

well I nearly did as I missed one last time at seeing him due to a illness, however I sorted that out with myself after some soul searching and discussions with family...

Just a quick question as well, I am not offended in anyway that you left a message in my personal space, I am just curious as to what got you posting in here in the first place?

Personal space? I'm gonna sound really dumb here (which I hate cos it's probably something an 8 year old could understand) but I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm just trying to get my head around the instructions for my introduction, journal etc. How I got talking to yourself is pretty easy I guess. I started the conversation by clicking on "Start a conversation" and typed my thing, then you replied so I replied back...... Oh S**t do you mean I've been starting conversations in peoples personal spaces and not as a general thing? I thought the conversations I started or joined in were for anybody to chip in. I'm not a stalker honestly! In fact when you first replied I just thought you were female until your second reply when I clicked on your name and found out you were in fact male. I'm used to messenger to chat to friends and don't do chat rooms (apart from 4 years ago when me and my friend Rachel decided to give it a whirl for the night, too much hard work for me trying to keep up with it all!) so this is a bit different to what I'm used to. Hmmmmm.... you've got me worried now! And you probably think I'm thick or something. Can you point me to the Idiot's Guide by any chance?

First I do not think you are an idiot.... I remember my first weeks here in Feburary (god is it only that short a time ago ) and this could help I hope. take the DontPanic-Tour A317459 . Check your ace message should be helpful in advice and tips if you got a decent ace.

For general chats there are many places around but on a personal space it is for that person only. But don't worry, almost all are friendly here...

As for a stalker. nahhh I have had an internet stalker before and yours was a completly different approach and you thought I was a woman *puts on deep voice* damm can't think of anything macho to say. So all I can say is I did not take offence and it is ok. I like meeting new people online....

I used to chat in other places about 4 years ago and saw the darker side of internet chatting this is a very nice place after seeing all that there.

Very relieved to hear it! Thank you. I was just actually writing you a reply to say that I'd finally found the tour thing (which I'd ignored on my first day, and ever since (up until now) I've not got around to looking into it). I'm afraid I take the "learn by my mistakes" style approach to learning new things. Give me an instruction manual to the video and I'll c**k it up good style, but if I fiddle around for long enough I usually get there. I'm currently reviewing my learning style by the way

In a mad panic I unsubscribed to every conversation I'd got going exept this one and my welcome message from pedboy. I just had visions of everyone seeing me as this weird, psycho, stalking person and even thought I'd either never come onto this site again or read the instructions and re-invent myself under a new nick name so Simbasmom would be gone for ever (can suffer from an overactive imagination by the way and leap to the worst possible conclusions about how people see me (yes. low self esteem, self image etc and have a tendency to be rather open).

I'm relieved that you don't think I'm hitting on you (not that there's anything wrong with you, you've been a friendly soul on this first week of mine, and I'm very grateful for it). It's a relief as well that you've done the chat room stuff as well so you've known where I'm coming from. Since I got divorced in Jan I did sign up for a online dating agency, but chickened out. I'm sure there are lots of decent men out there but I've decided to take some time out for myself, at the moment I'm quite happy having males as friends so I hope I can count on you as one of my first friends on hg2g. Please feel free to invade my personal space if you'd like to

Jules

Wow where to start... first I did not think you were hitting on me and I am flattered you thought I thought that and do not worry I am single hence anything nice is a compliment I just do not deal well with compliments

I know the learning by mistakes, I have done something similar though mine is you don't what can go wrong till you start trying to find out ...

Well it is easy to panic, just take a deep breath and take the plunge. I hope the tour works (never did it myself) I went for trial and error and listening to other users and asking questions.

If you do want any general chats I would reccomend the ask H2G2 forum which has a lot of conversations on there about almost any topic under the sun. You can get there through the front page I beleive.

I am always interested in new friends and do count a lot of woman as friends in my life....

As with low self esteem, self image etc... it is the curse and malise of modern day society in my opinion and something that is just going to increase, but rather than be shunted to the wings for it join in here for there are a lot of people who I would say have low self esteem (myself included) but enjoy a very active and funny virtual social life here (when time permits)....

overactive immaginations are the greatest gift we ever have. Be proud of it... I am of mine and use it in my poetry (in my journals accessible through clicking on my name if you are interested in that...)

Please add me on to your friends list (option availble from clicking on my name) and I am always happy to chat when online and reading old messages when coming online...

I am in work at the moment trying to pass the time. What are you up to?

Hi Pete

I'm just giggling away to myself here, cos when I think about it I invaded your personal space somehow by telling you tales about how I had my skirt tucked in my knickers at my Grandad's funeral and telling my ex to wipe his w***y after he's been to the loo! Like you said not the kind of thing you reveal when you're hitting on someone!. Can't believe it's took me this long to see the funny side of it! I know you're at work now and you was asking me what I was doing, well I guess I'm with laughter at the mo! It is really funny isn't it when you think about it? I'm so glad I've met you by the way, including you on my friends list as I type (sort of)

jules

I know, but then you should have seen the look on my face when I first saw the message... I was expecting a journal thread by a friend and then saw that really funny set of text and then I thought, an interesting new topic and then did this double take as it was in my PS and my jaw did momentarily drop ....

but do not worry as entrances go from people on my PS it was memorable....

and yep I am glad to meet you too... and I hope this is the beginning of a hilarious thread....#

I am just glad you have seen the funny side of it too and just look of it as another moment you can say I have done something cringeworthy but it turned out to be funny and then you explain it and everyone you tell gives you looks of incomprehension

but seriously (I think) still was surprised I replied....


# Pete would like to add that he is not responsible for sticthing of split sides from laughter.... ##

## would also like to add I am naturally funny until I try to tell a joke

The beginning of a beautiful friendship I see. If it's any consolation I'm c**p at jokes as well, I usually either stuff it up half way through and say "I meant blah blah blah" or get to the punch line and stuff it up or forget it. Well yep, you can sure say that I was memorable alright! Actually you are funny without being funny if you know what I mean? From what you say we both have something in common, WE BOTH SUCK AT JOKES!!!! But our humour comes out in what we say! People often say I'm priceless and I'm wondering what the hell they're on about, but then I think of my Mother (my Grandmother (Mum's Mum)and I see where I get it from. I come from Wigan (North West) so "usually, but not always" we tend to call our Grandmothers Mother. My mum's side is Mother and Pa for Grandad and always has been from what I can gather (Mum's Mum comes from Yorkshire originally) and Dad's side has been Nanna and Grandad from Preston. Both sets of parents settled in Bryn, Wigan and produced our parents and then us and so on.....

Anyway, you know what you said about clicking on your name and popping you onto friends? I've run into some slight difficulty as Merlot, tiredness and stress has kicked in good and proper (my excuse and I'm sticking to it!) If I R click you're saved to my browser in my favourites (as in Ask.com, Lloyds T.S.B and other fav sites I won't go into!) If I L click I get front page. Might have to go over instructions with a fresh set of peepers And I'm enjoying myself as well but I have to get some sleep I'm afraid. Not working at mo due to neck injury (I'm a care assistant so I can't risk it till I'm 100%) but I have to get up early for a visit to Wales, will be back later this evening though (Tues) So bye bye for now, hope you survive the night somehow and will speak to you later!

Jules

Yipee! I've finally found it, it was staring me in the face all along!!! (Talking about the add a friend button by the way)
You are now officially bestowed the honour of being my very first h2g2 friend . It's ok you don't have to do an acceptance speach.

When I thought about it last night my intro could have been much worse! I could have posted you my "Fanny" conversation now that would have been really interesting!!! In case you're wondering what that conversation was about, I asked people if they knew why us Brits called our vaginas "fanny" whilst to the Americans a "fanny" was their ass. I did get a few replies so at least it went in the right place! Any views on it?

Speak to you later, sleep well.

Sorry, I don't mean to intrude if this is a private conversation so tell me to away and I will; I just saw it in the busiest convos list and thought I'd check it out...

*waves and gets ready to *

Hi Luthiena

Don't worry you aren't intruding or anything. Pleased to meet you. How's it going?

It's going ok....I'm a bit mad with myself today but am otherwise quite content with the world as a whole.

Call me Ena, it will be much shorter to type for your poor fingers

Thanks, I did have a friend called Ena once.

I answer to Simba I guess or my real name Jules if you prefer.

So what's up? Want to share, why you're so mad at yourself?

I'm mad at myself because if I could've lasted one more day then that would have broken my record, but I gave in this morning...

Well hi Jules, nice to meet you, are you new?

You'll probably see me around a lot as I'm involved in (way too many) conversations....

Hi

Yes I am new, and if you've read my conversation with Flame you'd see I've been having fun c***ing up!

Dare I ask what you're record is for?