h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Also a village idiot is required too, Babel! The role could be made for you!

Or Coely's private gardener, ~disapproving, very jealous sniff~ , who says that he lives in the shed in her backyard, but we all suspect that's not quite the truth of the situation. (aged frowning smiley here)!!

*adopts West Country 'Oh-Arr' accent*
*touches forefinger to front of cap*
Why, thankee ladies, it be a graaand pleesure, hi'm sure!
Unforunately there appears to be a 'Global Village Idiot' on h2g2 already, so i assume he has the general take on all village idiot places throughout the guide. Sorry to disappoint you Gwennie

LOL! That's okay, Kheldar but we could always appoint you as our resident stamp licker, being as 'ow you like to stick yer tongue out so much!!!

By the way peeps, I've just started a brawl between Mari-Rae and myself which may be the perfect incident to lead to the closure of the tea rooms and our move to the Villa. It's entirely up to you what happens and I leave it in your capable hands while I go off to town in the pouring rain with my son, to get his new bicycle!

Aww round things! I've just said Kheldar instead of Babel 17! Sorry Bable, the message was intended for you! These toy boys all look alike to us old biddies! *Tries not to blush*

*Goes an even deeper shade of red*

Now I can't even spell your name, Bable...I mean Babel!!!!

*Can hear the others whispering "Senile, senile! Time for the home!" and hangs her head in shame*

I hate to interrupt Gwennie's soliloquy, but Amy has made a draft map for us to see!! Join me at http://www.h2g2.com/A405569 and we can discuss it!!

Gwennie, thank you for your kind invitation! *thinks the REAL reason she wants he with her is to do the cooking & to have someone to snipe at...oh well, I'll just bring along ear plugs & a smoke detector*

Oh, & Bable, Bable, Babe, Baby Cakes...actually, what Village would be complete without a Village Drunk?!?

Nice Village!
Can I apply for general caretaker-cum-handyman (who can also be slightly tipsy if need calls for it ).
I could live over the stables (ah the smell of the tack room - Ahchoo) or in a shed at the bottom of Coely's garden as previously suggested , whatever.

*arms folded, tapping foot.* The map, people?

Okay, already! Stop nagging! I've been there, had a look and I think it's wonderful!!!!! I've asked for plot 15 with the lake side view and have named it "The Rank" after our old cottage.

Isn't Amy clever??? What luck it was you finding her! All you have to do now is tell me how to put her banner up, when she gives us one, on my home page! *Vacant grin*

Will be happy to help you! Babel and Pan, I'm so glad you'll be joining us too!

"HA! Just you try to gey rid of me!!! I'm like an old wart!!! Ahh, skip that OLD part! I'm really just coming along to take care of Gwennie.*whispers...her bladder isn't what it use to be & she takes no notice of it...shhh*

Eeeeuuuuwww!

*Furtively hides her pile of incontinance pads*

I'll 'ave you know it's all rumours! There's nowt wrong wi' me bladder!

*Stands, fidgiting with her legs crossed*

"That's right dearie!!! Nothing wrong that a nice little operation won't cure! And Pandy's going to be right there when you get home."
*I've been trying for years to convince her to have her bladder stappeled back to where it WAS before it started moving South. She's completely immune to her own smell! And 'trust me THE smell IS ALL hers!* "Come along Gwennie, time for the Home Nurse to give you a bath wilst I do a bit of shopping for our new cottage." *Pan is hoping for her own place, but may have to care for Gwennie...because of her condition...shhh*

*Edges slightly away from both of them while wearing a fixed smile.*

All I have is my arthur. Everything else seems to be working ok. (knock wood)

Well, if there's anything that's not working, it looks like we could send a man round to fix that for you.

I'll bear that in mind. ~grin~ Looks like the word is getting out about our dear village.