h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

" yet you think that with a heterosexual couple, even if the woman owns the car she would let the man drive? Curious."

Yes, it is curious. And yet it happens. Like I say - don't take my word for it. Stand by a road and tell me what proportion of cars with couples in are driven by women.

"It's also curious that the two lesbian couples you know are not 'stereotypical'"

They're not typical of anything, I'd say...

"Where did you get the bizarre notion that all women are unable to control themselves once a month due to hormonal flux???"

From thirty years plus spent living with them.

"That they can't parallel park?"

That was *sort of* a joke...

"That they spend a week's wages on a haircut?"

And that was exaggeration. Nevertheless, my wife typically spends between five and fifteen times as much money as me on a single haircut.

"Do you know a lot of women like this personally? I don't know any."

Like I say, some of those things were for comedy effect. Some were exaggerations. Some are merely statements of my experience - particularly the hormone thing. Deny it if you like...

Member,

Well, I have lived with myself for 47 years, 38 of those ovulating, and I've honestly never felt any major emotional difference during or around my period. A bit tired at times, maybe. Although some friends do sometimes complain of physical discomfort and slight emotional wonkiness I have never seen anyone 'unable to control themselves' because of their hormones.

Also, I can parallel park just fine. And I've been married and divorced three times and have never asked my ex-husbands for anything. And I usually spend about 12 euros on a haircut.

And I only own two pairs of shoes.

az

I feel obliged to interject at this point that, while some women don't change much while they're menstruating, I know that quite a few do. One woman I know becomes a near psychotic (something she admits quite openly), my mother suddenly starts getting angry and upset at everyone and everything and my sister becomes even more annoying than usual.

I think it's an individual thing.

- Jordan

Oh, yes, and my housemate Fred recently spent around £30 on what I would call a 'trim'. I almost choke wondering how anyone can spend that much money for some guy/gal to mess about with their hair with some scissors...

- Jordan

Jordan,

Yes, I know it's a very individual thing but Member had said that *all* women lose control of their emotions once a month and my point was that I don't personally know any women to whom this happens, though I know it happens to some. Mind I wasn't talking about a slight mood change but 'losing control'. Most women I know suffer more from cramps and other physical discomfort.

az

I knew what you meant, az. I was just chipping in with my . Most women I know don't lose control, but they act noticably different - and in a bad way - during menstruation.

Though when you think of it, if most guys bled from their wobbly bits, got cramps once a month and had some screwy stuff done to their hormones, they'd be pretty grouchy too! Probably worse, knowing what hypochondriacs so many men can be...

- Jordan

Just saw a photo of the Beckhams in a magazine and it said Victoria's latest haircut cost 1200 pounds!!! How can *any* haircut cost that much??? Didn't say how much David paid for his, but they are both sporting new streaks.

What a world.

az

The prosecution rests.

Probably because the real figure might not have been seen as sensational enough. I hear she uses real hair extensions which aint cheap. Ofcourse there was Hilary Clintons infamous haicut which involved a crimper being flown in on a presidential plane at great cost.

But lets not forget that the flour plastered onto fancy wigs worn by MEN while the poor starved was one of the causes of the French revolution. Now thats what I call an expesive haircut! Costing the aristocracy somewhat more than an arm and a leg.

one love

Well said, blicky!

az

By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart-and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this
creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself
when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate." The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" "What's the
tear for?" the angel asked. The Lordsaid, "The tear is her way of
expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of
everything! Woman is truly amazing."And she is! Women have strengths
that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they
hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.They love
unconditionally.They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR
WORTH




az
(perhaps I should also send this to Justin?)

""The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride.... They smile when they want to scream... They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous"

"BRILLIANT", replied the angel. "You really are a sadistic pervert. With a spec sheet like that, there's no f**king way any man is ever going to know whether he's coming or going with one of these things! You could have made them emotionally consistent and predictable, but where's the fun in that, right? Complete impenetrability, that's the way. Any man spending any length time around one of these things is just going to want to kill himself - but he'll know he can't 'cos that's a sin! Priceless! Just one thing - you're not making Man into a mind-reader, are you?"

"Are you kidding?", said God. "No. No clues. No clues at all."

Ah, you're just jealous.


az

Yeah, I'd forgotten about jealousy. That's another thing that seems - at least in my experience - to afflict women far more than men. Personally I can't understand that emotion, except as it applies to me - and it usually applies to the back of my head, sharply, if I so much as glance in the direction of anyone under 40 in a skirt. Conversely, my wife can turn into a puddle of goo at the sight of Orlando Bloom, and this disturbs me not in the least.

Women eh?

Can't live with them, can't kill them and eat them.

I prefer the now famous quote by Norm in Cheers when he said in one episode - 'Women! Can't live with 'em . . . pass the beer nuts'.

I was more prone to jealousy when I was much younger. But I think that can be said of both men and women. You grow up. You realise what things are important and matter to you.

I sometimes envy people who are actually able to pay their rent. But as for jealousy, I think I left that behind a long time ago.

Thank gawd.

az

"I didnt mean to hurt you



Im just a jealous guy"


aside from John Lennons admissions we also have the high number of murders of women by ex-partners to show that jealousy is not a female only emotion. Even though recently domestic violence charities have recently recognised the need to help men find refuge from violence it is still almost exclusively women who seek and need their help.

one love

hi blicky,

I do know that abuse between spouses and partners can also include women being physically or emotinally abusive. But yes, the majority of these cases still are men against women.

I've read here in Spain recently about the high number of women who have been killed by their male partners (either boyfriends or husbands) It is lamentable.

And the main motive is jealousy.

az

Member,

You're missing one from your collection:

F19585?thread=395199

az

Further to women being 'hormone hostages':


PMS
1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Pack My Stuff

12. Potential Murder Suspect




THE HORMONE WARNING: "Hormone Hostages"
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license!

"Money talks....But Chocolate sings"

DANGEROUS: .............What's for dinner?

SAFER: ..............Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: ..............Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: ..............Have some chocolate
****************

DANGEROUS: .............Are you wearing that?

SAFER: ..............Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: ..............WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: .............Have some chocolate.
**************

DANGEROUS: ..............What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: ..............Could we be over reacting?
SAFEST: ..............Here's my paycheck.
ULTRASAFE: ..............Have some chocolate.
****************

DANGEROUS: ..........Should you be eating that?

SAFER: ..............You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: ..............Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: ..............Have some chocolate.
*************

DANGEROUS: ...........What did you do all day?

SAFER: ..............I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: ..............I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: ..............Have some more chocolate.