h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

'I do not have "multiple identities". There seems little point. I have ONE account here, and the other day I discovered that I could change my screen name.' There are a number of unusual co-incidences that would make it incredibly likely that you are, actually, Hoovooloo. I'll ignore the shared fondness for that Gary Chapman quote. However, your shared wonderment at how much religious men are obsessed with each others' penises, expressed in suspiciously similar terms, is a pointer; compare: - 'I've often wondered why it is men (and it is almost invariably men) of a religious persuasion have this overwhelming interest, nay, obsession, with other mens penises...' 'Now if you can just enlighten me on the point of why it is Christian men are so obsessed with each other's penises, I'll be able to sleep peacefully...' Rather odd. Not many opportunities come up for people to say that, but you found one. Which is another thing - you haunt the same people as Hoo. Insight, Justin, Della... And the same type of conversations too. You found your way to them with alarming vitesse, no waiting period. This is further accented by your complete lack of interest in your ACE - a curious thing for a new member of a community. Most people would at least take a passing interest in the first conversation to their space, but you simply ignored it - your attention was already focused on other areas. Quite sloppy if you were pretending to be someone else, I suppose, but I still call it suspicious. Not only did you ignore it, but this was your first posting: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/F92252?thread=343626&post=4362752#p4362752 This very Hoovoolian posting refers to, among others, threads which were started a year before you joined. Are we really to assume that you trawled through every one of these threads, reading each one, before posting anything? What person alive joins a community, finds someone like JtP and starts by doing something as convoluted as this? Your second posting also relies on information that would require knowledge of Justin's activities and postings from a long time back, and is typically Hoovoolian. And... well, I'll just quote you: 'Do you understand how this site works? 'If you're not going to respond to posts, why not simply set up your own site. This is about communication, and you are failing to communicate.' A week. You had, at this point, been on this site for about a week. In this time, you had posted precious little except a few moans at Justin to respond to you, and you start lecturing a member of more than two years' experience on how to use it. Very observant, aren't we? And incredibly persistant. You actually use a trick used by Hoovooloo, posting a moderated post bit by bit to see which bit is 'offensive,' in order to get round moderation, by your second post. You show unusual perserverence, since you nag Justin for a considerable time about your query. This is certainly a very odd way of beginning on a site. I'm genuinely perplexed. You joined the site, and from the word go, you set off posting like one of the oldies. It's quite inexplicable, unless you're a very, /very/ anal person. Let's see Hoovooloo's self-assessment: 'I'm a persistent one, me. This is the third time of posting this, and I'm going to keep on posting it until it remains visible. Each time I shall try to read the minds of the moderators as they continue to fail to tell me the precise reason the posting has been removed.' Ring any bells? Hoovooloo, it might be noted, hasn't posted anything from a month before you joined, or if he has he must have unsubscribed from it. Another strange co-incidence. He has maintained other virtual personnas and continued posting almost normally, but none with such sustained vigour as you would necessitate, and he actually communicated with one once to enhance the illusion. Consider that not long before he stopped altogether, he was sharing in the mass Justin-baiting with marginal enthusiasm. It would seem that you took over from him,

"I'll ignore the shared fondness for that Gary Chapman quote."

OK, first point of confusion - who is Gary Chapman?

I've googled the name and came up with a Christian songwriter, a financial planner, and a Hawaiian surfer, none of whom I've ever heard of. Any clues?

"However, your shared wonderment at how much religious men are obsessed with each others' penises, expressed in suspiciously similar terms,"

Well I don't know about anyone else, but I suppose I have to confess right now that I stole that particular routine almost word for word from an Irish standup comedian I saw on the TV a year or two ago. I've a suspicion it was Ed Byrne... I wouldn't be surprised I'm not the only one it tickled, but I'm not Ed Byrne either. Sorry.

"Which is another thing - you haunt the same people as Hoo. Insight, Justin, Della..."

Haunt?

I haunted Justin. I had a reason to, which, to be as polite as possible, is none of your business. The other two people are simply those who've caught my attention in the meantime.

"And the same type of conversations too. You found your way to them with alarming vitesse, no waiting period."

Should I apologise for doing my research?

I was told about this site by a colleague who reads it regularly, but is not a member, and who warned that if I joined I might get addicted! I read various things on here for about five months, mostly edited entries on subjects that interest me, and conversations about physics and religion. It was only after quite a long period of lurking that I saw something that made me want to reply.

"Not only did you ignore it, but this was your first posting:{link}"

No, it wasn't. I first posted here on November 5th, I'm pretty sure, because I was watching fireworks outside my window at the time.

"This very Hoovoolian"

Cool word, not sure whether to be insulted or flattered...

"Are we really to assume that you trawled through every one of these threads, reading each one, before posting anything?"

Assume what you wish. I'm a conservative person in many ways, including politics in most cases, and I'm definitely not the sort of person who simply steps into a situation without doing my background research.

I see a lot of people on this site and others who make royal fools of themselves diving into conversations without context or knowledge of where they're at, and I've always determined not to do that. Reading Justin's threads wasn't "trawling", it was a pleasure, albeit a rather rarefied one...

"What person alive joins a community, finds someone like JtP and starts by doing something as convoluted as this?"

Hint: someone who knows him other than through this community.

"Your second posting also relies on information that would require knowledge of Justin's activities and postings from a long time back,"

See Hint.

" and is typically Hoovoolian."

Again - should I be happy? I see the name crop up a lot, but I don't know whether you're insulting me or complimenting me. (I might also add that I don't much care either way).

"A week. You had, at this point, been on this site for about a week."

I had been POSTING for a week. I had been reading for months, and I had/have friends who have been here (reading and occasionally posting) for much longer. Not everyone is keen to dive in and start talking right away - in fact as time goes on I'm starting to regret starting posting at all, as my colleague was right - it is addictive.

"In this time, you had posted precious little except a few moans at Justin to respond to you, and you start lecturing a member of more than two years' experience on how to use it."

I hold my hand up to that. But lecturing people is my job. Call it a conditioned reflex.

"Very observant, aren't we? And incredibly persistant."

I observe that that word is usually spelt "persistent", and yes, I am. I use it as a substitute for intelligence and creativity.

"You actually use a trick used by Hoovooloo, posting a moderated post bit by bit to see which bit is 'offensive,' in order to get round moderation, by your second post."

Yes, I admit stealing that trick. He wasn't the only one to do it, btw, someone who got banned a while back whose name began with E did the same thing. Sorry I can't be more specific... guy opened loads of accounts and posted obscene jokes a line at a time. Nope, it's gone.

"It's quite inexplicable, unless you're a very, /very/ anal person."

Colour me in a light shade of sphincter.

"Ring any bells?"

Well, sounds a bit like me. But then the other day I was asked IRL why I'd said something on here and it turned out that it had been Noggin who'd said it. I'm not him either.

"Now, several people have independently stated that you are Hoovooloo"

Millions of people have independently stated that they've communicated with the dead or been abducted by aliens. Do you believe them?

"I don't actually know anyone who has said otherwise, friend or foe,"

I think someone called Fathom pointed out some reason why I couldn't be, but I can't remember where or what it was. Sorry.

"and even Justin seemed to recognise a shade of blue in this new character."

I honestly wouldn't trust Justin to recognise his reflection in a mirror, so it's best not to go there.

"Perhaps these people, most of them reasonably intelligent, are mistaken. The evidence would say not."

Whatever. Can I ask a question?

Why should I care whether you think I'm someone else?

It's a serious question. You think I'm Hooloovoo? Fine. Think that. If you think he's an idiot, that means you think I'm an idiot, but that doesn't matter to me for obvious reasons (i.e. you're an idiot). If you think he's a genius, then you think I'm a genius. Still don't care. Either way, the common factor is that either way you think I'm a liar, and I don't really care about that either. I'd prefer to be judged on what I say here, and if people choose not to believe me - f**k 'em.

I'm bored of this conversation. If you want to believe I'm Hoo, then be my guest. I'd rather that than, say, you think I was someone like Justin.

OK?

I know you are having trouble responding to me at the moment, what with logic being a tool beyond your reach and everything, or having a life, or something, but can you at least tell me who the hell Gary Chapman is and what quote you're talking about?

I honestly have no idea why I wrote that massive typo - I was thinking of a friend called Gary Larson at the time and was a bit distracted, so I must have been typing out of my sphincter-coloured hole at that moment. The quote was 'Vell, Zaphod's just zis guy, you know?' It's a fairly obvious one given the site, but it was one of many little connections.

And it's the latter option, please, with a cup of milk and some cookies. I'll have a side order of friend-with-a-crisis too... And a group project will finish it off nicely.

- Jordan

hi Jordan,

Does it really matter if Member is Hoo or not? I obviously thought he was, as anyone can see on this thread. Yet Member has continued to state that he is definitely not Hoovooloo. So, fine by me. He is either not Hoovooloo or else just saying he isn't. Thing is, none of here are 'real'. I mean, Hoovooloo is someone we 'got to know' but we never knew who this person really was in his real life. In this sense, if Member is the same person who used to be Hoovooloo here, he is still telling the truth by saying he is not Hoo because Hoo is an h2g2 character, just as Member is. Just like Jordan and azahar are.

I was mostly curious because for awhile I thought I was a hootoo friend of Hoovooloo's. We had a few nice chats but then he suddenly stopped talking to me. I never knew why. And as Member reminded me so much of Hoo I thought I would see if they were the same person in case we could be friends again. But apparently I was wrong.

az

Gary LARSON? As in "The Far Side"?

And how is "Zaphod's just zis guy, you know?" anything at all other than a Douglas Adams quote?

And how, on what is on some level at least a HHGG fansite, is it even a little bit surprising that people quote from the book? And that those quotes should sound (duh) the same?

Oh, ye gods.

Gary CHAPMAN. This name is causing more trouble than haemerroids. (Projection, not experience, y'understand.) I don't know where Larson came from, but I did post that at midnight, when I was extremely tired, and in the middle of seven (yes, seven) simultaneous conversations on messenger. Perhaps I can be excused for getting confuddled?

It's not suprising. I said I was ignoring that quote, I merely mentioned it because it was something I previously thought significant but now considered insignificant compared to other evidence.

- Jordan

" I don't know where Larson came from"

Maybe it came from the Far Side?

Well, yes, but I don't know why I typed it! I wish people wouldn't ambush me seven at a time on MSN.

Incidentally, my Far Side book still hasn't arrived...

- Jordan

I have an autographed copy of The Far Side Gallery. Felt quite sorry for Mr. Larson. It was at a book signing in Toronto and he seriously looked like he did NOT want to be there.

az

Really? How so? Was he grumpy, or just looking generally unhappy?

- Jordan

He mostly looked uncomfortable, like a very shy sort of person forced to face the public, which I think was actually the case. I mean, he was very pleasant and asked me very nicely what I wanted written in my books (I also had one as a gift for my brother). I just got the sense that he seemed a bit like a trapped animal, I don't know why really.

az

Speaking of animals, Jordan, have you seen my photo albums yet? There are three of them. Two of animals (cats and horses) and one of Seville.

az

Was pointed this way by blicky because I asked if Member knew HVL.

Just to be clear, it doesn't matter to me either way if they are the same person or not, I was just struck with the similarity of some of Member's arguments to some of Hoo's and was curious.

Member, if you are Hoo then hello again, how's tricks? I know you say you aren't, but hi just in case.

If you aren't Hoo then hello and sorry to get you confused with somebody else. You do sound a lot like him so it is a natural mistake to make. The main thing that struck me about conversations with HVL was that he made it bloody difficult to agree with him, even when I did but I'm not attaching any value judgements here so feel free to be as flattered or offended as you like

Hello fatKelli. I don't (as far as I know) know HVL. If his real name is Steven, I might, because he sounds remarkably like someone I knew at college - someone so much like me that we hated each other almost instinctively I'm curious which arguments of mine are/were similar to someone (anyone) else's?

I havent seen all of your postings or all of HVL's but at a rough guess i'd say all of them.

It was in the 'children to be taught atheism thread' that I asked the question originally. I couldn't see the whole of your post, only the quoted bits in Noggin's reply. It was the whole 'men are discriminated agianst in law' bit - I've heard a similar argument from Hoo (he got quite insistent about it) put in a similar manner so I wondered if you were in fact the same person.

guess I was wrong, sorry

And I meant Northern Boy, not Noggin - sorry for any confusion.

Incidentally your reply is very much in the style of Hoovooloo. It is uncanny. I'm off to try and find where I read this exact argument before...

about six months back on the Partial Birth Abortion Challenge was one place.

Some of his stuff is very like yours Member, but hey Michael Howard expressed some ideas that echo some things Ive posted and Im not him. Honest.