h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It was a minor power, nothing really. I've also been in the same room as an environmentalist, the natural enemy of the accountant, so the two sort of just cancel each other out.

Unless they started breeding, in which case the world would be full of little green accountants.

LGAs (conspiracy theorists take note) have been mentioned in historical texts down the ages, but have generally been to uninteresting to bother about. Which, of course, is the perfect cover for a world domination scheme!

Gadzooks...I have stumbled upon another of Evil Giraffe's nefarious plots. And this time it's Financial!

We may need to set up a LETS.

Yes, let's.

Alright Vestboy...we can fight financial intrigue with financial intrigue.

Time to start our "time-loan" bank that we discussed yesterday...ooo, no pun intended.

Now we're cooking on gas!
Right I'll deposit six months and people can borrow up to a week at a time.
Because I'm the timebanker I will expect you to pay in cash for the time or to repay your borrowed time with interest. Goodies of course can have interest free loans.
Would customers please form an orderly queue.

Can I have Tuesday again please?

Sorry, we don't do Tuesday.

If asking for a stretch of time longer than one entire day and one of those consecutive days includes a Tuesday, only then can we give you a Tuesday. We do not, however, and will not ever deal in isolated Tuesdays.

I do in fact, have something rather profound to say about my reasoning behind that...but I will not say it here. Perhaps my first H2G2 entry is in order.

I never could get the hang of Tuesdays.

Try them backwards. It sometimes works for me.

Effing Aldred! Banking? Is this what you good guys get together and chat about? Lord have mercy on my soul! Did none of you stop to think (and I'm going to be repeating myself here but never mind) that money is the root of all evil, you good guys, I reckon you're a bunch of evil doers just useing the Flag of the Good as a foil, and that world domination and not love peace and harmony (man) is your real goal...

While I'm here, what swine half inched my silver tea pot? C'mon, I know it was one of you, line up so I can see who's wearing suspicious looking head gear, or has a tea pot shaped lump in their pocket...

I don't know how to say this but the answer lies in another thread. There's been an accident!

What do you want last Tuesday again for Olaf? I may be able to pull a fast one if your explanation makes me laugh.

Go on. Make me laugh. Go on.

I now sob know sob what has sob sob become of my teapot sob.
Grrr... It's definitly you lot that are evil.. How could you be so clumsy Vestboy? Where was Duke when we both needed him hmm?

On Tuesdays Tugnafia has its Grand Lottery draw. Eighteen randomly selected badgers are tossed into a large filled paddling pool into which a number of balls numbered from 45 to 97 have previously been dropped.

The balls are made of a type of wood highly favoured by badgers, and soon they begin to construct a dam across the paddling pool. If by twelve midnight the balls are aligned in the dam to the precise specification of your lottery entry, the 5 Tugnafian Bogarts are yours, courtesy of the royal treasury.

Last Tuesday someone won it, so I'm going to fix a badger.

That could be painful, especially to the badger. And seeing I'm a secret member of the Badger Adoration Society I shall have to report your actions to the High Commander at once! For shame, for shame, for shame!

Fix as in neuter, or are ya just gonna give it a new crankshaft?