h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Olaf, have you been looking at Austin Powers while you were away? I thought you were going to do something about that invisablility of yours. *Whispers* Ere, been to any girls dressing rooms? Nyahnyahnyah!
Ooops. *Cough* Right. If we dipped you in paint we would be anle to see you. What color would you prefer?

"Able" to see you. OK? It was a typ-o, I make a lot of those...

An invisible villian eh? That sounds like a window of opportunity to me. What sort of things have you been up to in this invisible state Olaf. And can we capitalise on this? Strokes goatee and snickers mischeviously, not infringing any copyright by-laws.

I don't have one finger designated as my "typing finger".

Do you?

In fact, I was taught to use all 10 of them in a highly efficient manner so as to increase my production level (and impress techno-geek chicks).

Oh and Dissy, don't think you stole my trusty Zippo and Zippo equipment that easily...while I was down in R&D I developed tracking devices that looked much like my Zippo, so that if an evil-doer (such as yourself) were to steal what they thought was my Zippo (thereby rendering me helpless as a kitten in a Sumo match) they would in fact be leading the doers of good right to their evil headquarters.

Oh...maybe I shouldn't have told you that right then.

I think I'm going to go renew my certification to be an accident-proof super hero. (see race forum for details).

No,I have filled your lighter with Dischordial, I ate the stuff about the lighter fluid.

Tred. Could you lend a couple of your "accurate" typing fingers to Duke. Only the ones you use for p;unct,uat!ion and s p a c e s? perhaps

A: Dissy, you must remember, you never actually stole my trusty Zippo, merely a cunning copy. Now, if you ate the stuff inside it, that means you ate the high tech tracking mechanism. That means I can know where you are at any time and you can do nothing about it! HAHAHA!

B: I will not lend out fingers...just tell him about the "Home Row Keys" that helps a lot. It's the first step into a larger world.

I've heard of phone home but you want Duke to row home?

Oh you mean the keys on the middle row where you rest your fingers before reaching out to all the other keys.

Maybe Duke would rather row home?

Perhaps supplying him with a boat and some oars would make him happy. You know how they love those fjords up there.

And Cjryslers and Vjolkswagens probably.

Inserts not particularly maniacal laughter here, more like a muffled guffaw.

Not much evil seems to be happening, does it? Perhaps I should think of some suitably pointed insult at a majority group. Any suggestions?

Females seem a pretty big target as majority groups go, Wowie.

Anything pithy you can think of?

Well, as majority groups go they're pretty big so here it goes:

*ahem*

Girls are just so girly, y'know? They just exude feminity and stuff like that. They think they're soooooo good simply because they're going to outlast us blokes. Oh, and because of the fact that there's more of them in the world than us. And (from my point of view anyway) they're better looking than us, and they're kinda curvy, and they smell nice, and.... and....

Umm... can anybody think of ANOTHER majority group? I'm finding little evilness to conjure up here. Sorry.

Can it just be a powerful group rather than a majority group?

Cos then I'd suggest Bankers.

Problem is, Vestie, an insult is synonymous with the word "Banker".
(If my Bank Manager is reading this, I don't mean you, obviously.)

No offense taken, Olaf. I'll be sure and not keep that remark in mind when it comes time to calculate your quarterly interest.

I think the baddies should have a banker on their team. Then we could unwittingly take out a mortgage on our base and then they could foreclose. That would take some sorting out.

I'm sure there are plenty of evil accountants around. I'm dead sure that the temperature in the room drops 10 degrees whenever mine enters. Evil + Accountancy = Financial Success!!!

You've been in the same room as an accountant. You didn't mention these powers earlier!

Why is it getting cold in here?