h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Keymaker] Actually, I'm called the Key/maker/, not the Key/master/ ... but ...

[Bass] Um, I /do/ still have my blaster aimed at you.

[Yar forcibly lowers Bass's blaster.]

[Yar] I don't think he'd be ignoring you if he didn't mean business. Lead the way, Keymaker.

[Keymaker] ...sigh... This way. All the /normal/ doors leading outside the H2G2 proper are down another passage.

[They start going.]

*NYC-shark turns back into NYC-lizard, as per the usual response to getting blasted and waiting five minutes. He gasps for breathe in the elevator for a moment, before getting used to his scaly physique and sniffing the overcoat that's still draped over him. Wow, that's gonna need gasoline and a torch, let alone drycleaning! NYC meanders out the elevator and starts searching for where his weapons went... until a green bird perches on his head. Man, but this is turning out to be a weird day.*

Anti-Affy5-NYC, I recommend playing along with me. I have a powerful Kulcad scroll that can change you back nto a human, though I need to know that wasting it on you is worth my time. *Turns to follow the keymaker*

And no double-crosses, Mr. 8-Bit. I've got a Yomin spell ready to use on you, and it can read the mind of sentient life whether carbon based or computerized.

*Meanwhile, Affy4 slips through the door to the Donut Stall*

Hiss!

*NYC suppressess the driving urge to clobber Affy5 into sso much pulp, and wonderss what hiss - man, he really gotta stop thinking like a reptile - options are in terms of finding restoration spells. Plus, he really has this bad taste in his mouth, like he swallowed a granite cap. Darned sharks. Darned Lenin.*

Hiss Hiss Hiss. Hisss Hiss.

[No, you're still in competition. I'm a supervillain.]

*Anti-Affy5's now perpetual grin doesn't lessen a bit*

Okay. Since you're being so honest and upfront about it, I won't kill you for refusing my offer. But don't expect any special treatment when the space/time continuum is bending to my every whim.

[Yar] You'll probably find bending the space-time continuum to your every whim difficult. Not saying /I'll/ have something to do with it, I just thought I'd bring up the possibility.

[They round a corner and find someone who appears to be Hugo Weaving in a black suit and dark glasses.]

[Smith] I'm sorry ... this is a /dead end/. No, wait, you're not who I was expecting. But maybe you can help me find him.

*Anti-Affy5 doesn't even look at Agent Smith*

It was difficult last time, yet I still practically accomplished it. Intertwined as our live's may be, you can't halt me at every turn, you know. Even Jedi's have their limits.

*NYC wanders down a hallway marked "H2G2 spacestation", checking every door to see if its Corrupt's place*

Anti-Affy5-Are we almost there yet? This place has the worst lighting. Never did like fluorescents.

Uh, NYC? None of the doors or passageways are marked by name. Just by the forum or page number.


[After a brief conversation with the Keymaker, Smith dejectedly exits through a door.]

[Keymaker] Anyway, the second-to-last door on the left will lead you to the Knowledge Repository you seek.

*Anti-Affy5 casts Yomin at the Keymaker just to ensure that he isn't being tricked, and heads down the corridor towards the door*

Fine, fine; labelled A285653 then

*The Kudos-bird turns back into Kudos, knocking NYC into Corrupt outside a door named, strangely enough, A285653. Kudos peeks through the door then slams it shut, the green color draining from his face. Corrupt pulls herself back up, wondering why Kudos is blocking the door like that for...*

Actually... I rather meant F1687147?thread=350746.

*NYC peeks into the same door, raises what passes for an eyebrow in this body of his, and turns back to Corrupt*

Hiss hiss hisss?

[You wouldn't know what this is about, would you?

[Corrupt] What? I don't know Reptillian.

*NYC looks pointedly at the door. Corrupt sighs.*

Oh, all right.

*She opens the door. Doesn't move for a moment. Then:*

All right. Which of you two is responsible for this?

*without waiting for an answer, she steps in, fuming.*

*NYC looks at Kudos and shrugs. He follows Corrupt*

*Kudos shuts the door and starts wandering down some more of the h2g2 corridors. Around a few corners is a door marked F1696312?thread=350706. It sounds vaguely familiar, so he opens the door and slips in...*

[Bass suspiciously moves to follow Kudos. Yar pulls him back in.]

[Yar] Don't. He's not worth it.

[Bass] Fine. Whatever.