h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[YC] Why distract them? This is a turn-based fight. Take your turn, or lose it.

[A slime attacks YC for 2 points damage.]

Thras: Shut up, YC.

Jade: Distract it, Thras.

Thras: No, you.

Jade: No, /you./

Thras: No, you!

Jade: Paper scisors rock?

Thras: &shrugs* OKay.

Jade and thras simoultaneously: Ichi! Ni! San!

Jade: *throws paper*

Thras: *Throws scisors*

Jade: Spork. *snaps* Ah well. *shrugs, runs over to YC. She french kisses him*

{The monster/s stare in wide-eyed horror. A few of them even divert their eyes.)

Jade: *pulls back* Uuuugh. *she hands him a stick of gum* Here. Chew on this for a while...

Thras: Go ahead, MaW.

* MaW casts a simple spell that buries the slimes under a veritable deluge of dessicant powder *

[MaW] I bet they don't like that very much! Hah!

[SFX: "Enemy dying". Once for each of the slimes. YC accepts the gum and starts chewing greedily. Victory theme.]

[MaW] Well well. Next time they interrupt us like this, wouldn't it be nice if they sent nasties that actually have the ability to take a shot at us before we kill them?

[YQ] MaW, you forget. Slimes aren't there to attack you. They're there to annoy you.

* holds up some more dessicant *

[MaW] When I have this with me, they don't even manage that.

I'm calling the Navigational Blue thingy the Blue Bauble, because it takes less time to type.

Jade: *laughing at YC* *to YQ* So is he one of those types that think girls have cooties? *giggles* Ah well. *she takes out her Blue Bauble again and pokes at it. The thin pale blue jet of light points to the right. Well kind of. It's more of a Northeast, really*

Thras: Off we go!

[MaW] Just a moment.

* MaW: Casts Emergency Portaloo. A portaloo appears. MaW goes inside. A while later, there is a flushing sound and he comes out again. *

[MaW] There, that's much better.

* the emergency portaloo vanishes *

[MaW] Right, off we go!

* he follows Jade and Thras *

Jade raises an eyebrow, laughs a bnit, shrugs, and walks on* hey yo, YC and YQ! You comming? Or did I scare you too badly? Come on!!!!

[YC] Yeah, I'm coming. [under breath, to self] I don't want to strike up a romance, that's all ... [unintelligible] ...YK ... [unintelligible]

[They enter the passageway, which has several dozen six-foot cubes made of brick.]

[YQ] I wonder what those are for?

[A seven-foot robot (with a red-and-yellow color scheme) bursts through the ceiling. It looks like its sole purpose is to look (and be) physically strong. Its name is Guts Man.]

[Guts Man] Oh, you wanted a challenge? I can arrange that!

[A shorter robot with what appears to be a yellow boomerang drops down from the hole Guts Man made and lands next to them.]

[YQ] Oh, yes, Quick Man: a cross between Elec Man and Cut Man. On crack.

[Quick Man] You read too much "Bob and George".

[Begin Boss Battle against Guts Man and Quick Man.]

* MaW raises a hand. A bolt of lightning lances from it to strike Guts Man. The crack of thunder resulting from it is painful to the ears *

[Guts Man] Ouch!

[Guts Man throws one of the brick cubes at MaW.]

[[Summon: Mr. T]]

[YC summons Mr. T, who assesses the situation.]

[Mr. T] I'm gonna teach this sucka a lesson ...

[He reaches for Quick Man, who very easily dodges out of the way.]

[Mr. T] What th --!?

[Quick Man] Nyah nyah!

[YQ] Hmm ... let's see ... ... and Guts Man's weakness is Blade (cutting) ... and that's what Quick Man uses ... Somebody cast Muddle on Quick Man!

[YQ attacks Quick Man and misses. Quick Man throws some boomerangs at him.]

[YQ] D'haaa! And make it quick!

Jade: *in a bad mood* Why dun't you do it... *she pouts and leans against a random solid patch of nothing*

Thras: Shut up and attack!!!

Jade: Oh /fine./

*She takes out her pinkusabre and slashes at Quickman. One of his arms is severed and falls off. She goes back to sulking.*

Thras: Stoppint, Jade! *throws a "Hyper" at her.* My appologies in advance, guys... *sighs w/ anime sweatdrop*

*The "Hyper" bursts over her head and momentarily envelops her in a green nimbus*

Jade: *Stands up stright* Well he-loooo...

*She slashes at the air, writing the Japanese symbol for "Confusion" (Which does the same dang thing as muddle) She throws the shining pink character in the general direction of Quick Man. It hits him, and he begins to go berserk*

Jade: Fun fun!!! Genkigenkimunki! Hehehehehe... *she winks at YC, because she loves so to torment him... hehehe*

[QuickMan begins spinning around in midair. He has an Evade rating through the roof, but the Muddle spell hit him. He throws a slice at Guts Man.]

[Guts Man] G'haaaa! The pain! The pain!

[YC attacks him, disabling him.]

[YQ] Okay ... now to stop Quick Man from going bonkers on /us/, we need to use a Timestopper attack on him.

[YC] Why don't you?

[YQ] Er.

[[Stop]]

[Quick Man freezes in midair.]

[Quick Man] Ack! Not Timestopper! I can't handle that! Augh! Need sugar! Must move! AAAAUGH--

[Quick Man explodes in a cloud of sparks, smoke, metal, and sugar.]

[YQ] Wow.

[Victory theme. Exp. Gil. You know the deal.]

*Jade and Thras dansu to the victory theme. Jade does the patented "Cloud Sword Twirl" with her pinkusaber*

The what-now? I haven't played FF7...

What's that got to do with anything? Argh, I can't type properly on this keyboard! It's too normal!
And unfortunately I'm probably down to one posting session a day at the moment until the phone company sort out the phone lines in the house - that's why I'm moaning about the keyboard, because I'm using a university computer room.


[MaW] Well, that was easy...

* MaW gains some Aspect points in various categories *

* MaW gains special ability: Rainbow. It's more or less useless, but it looks very pretty *

[YC] Great, we've got them.

[YQ] Er, now what do we do?

[YC] On a hunch, I'd say this.

[He thrusts his lightsaber into a wall. Abruptly, the metallic passageways disappear, leaving behind identical stone passageways. The remains of Quick Man and Guts Man are unchanged. Where YC stabbed is now the toasted remains of a holographic generator.]

[YC] ..... Whoops.

[MaW] Unfortunately, this doesn't help us very much. The layout of the passages appears to be the same.

* he looks more closely *

[MaW] No, actually, they're all one centimetre wider.