Journal Entries
Finally had that call
Posted Oct 16, 2013
It seems like I've been waiting on it for ages, but it's only been a few months. But this afternoon I finally got the call I didn't want, my brother has passed away.
Earlier this year he was diagnosed with cancer, but by the time he went to a doctor it was far, far too late. The primary cancer was skin, but the secondaries of liver, lung and spleen had all settled in. Basically, far too late to do anything.
He spent a couple of months on a new drug designed for when it's caught earlier, he was told quite distinctly that there was no way it could cure him, it'd just reduce the symptoms for a while, and make it less painful. This worked quite well until his body started rejecting the drug, which they said would happen, and he was rushed into hospital. He spent a week there, in which I got to see him, before he was moved to a hospice where he's spent the majority of a week being looked after very well, but in and out of consciousness.
He's spent the majority of these last two days asleep, heavily drugged to relieve the pain, and this afternoon he finally passed away.
It seems ironic in a way, that today we celebrate two years of h2g2, a site that I truly love, under our stewardship, and that I also lose my brother.
And now, I think I'm going to get *very* drunk. And for those that have seen me drink, you might have an idea of how much alcohol will be involved.
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Latest reply: Oct 16, 2013
Two Years (almost)
Posted Oct 14, 2013
Wednesday 16th October will mark two years of h2g2 being in its new home, back home, with us.
Two years since we reopened after buying the site back from the BBC, hacking it out of their framework of code and allowing it to stand on its own again.
Two years of incredibly hard work by the volunteers to ensure that each morning the site would still be here.
I really don't think there's any other site on the internet, or every has been, where there's been such love and loyalty by those that use it. The sheer devotion to this site by the volunteers and the community at large is truly astounding, and I really hope that if Douglas Adams saw what we're doing with it, he'd be proud. Once he got over the embarrassment of our devotion 
I would like to say though, to all those that helped up put together and win the bid for the site, to all those that helped transfer it, to all those that have written, picked, subbed, edited and polished entries, to all those that have looked after and all those that have joined in the community aspects, and to all those that have read our ramblings, I would like to say thank you.
We are the ones that run this site, and I hope we continue to do so 
Discuss this Journal entry [18]
Latest reply: Oct 14, 2013
That Call
Posted Oct 4, 2013
This morning I had one of the calls I've been expecting and dreading.
My brother was taken back into hospital last night, and after the specialist saw him this morning we learned he won't be coming home.
At best he has a few days. As you can imagine, possibly, this is really hard news to receive.
So, I packed a bag, sent a few emails, and caught a train. I'm now sat in a pub back in my home town after seeing my brother in hospital this afternoon. He doesn't look good, he looks swollen and bloated, and in a lot of pain.
He's got the nurses doting after him, because if you ever thought I could be charming, you've never met my brother. We were brought up to have old fashioned manners, and in these days that seems quaint, and cute. And he's far better at that than me, because he does genuinely like people.
But the simple fact is, he's now dying. The experimental drugs he was on have stopped working, the primary cancer in his skin is back, and the secondary cancer in his stomach has started to grow very quickly.
So now it's a time of waiting for the next call, and that's the one I really don't want.
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Latest reply: Oct 4, 2013
Two minds aren't better than one.
Posted Sep 8, 2013
We have a conscious mind, this is our thinking mind that I’m going to call the “normal” mind because I can’t find out what it’s supposed to be called.
We also have our subconscious, that mind that sits below our normal thinking and, in a way, controls what we do and how we think. It does, we may think that we make decisions, but these are more often than not based on things we think we know, and things we think we believe. Things that we’re taught from an early age, ways to behave and act, and to interact.
So we have a subconscious and it does influence how we act, and we have a normal consciousness that is our awake, or aware thoughts, and that influences how we act.
So, where am I going with this? Well, I’m considering that we have a third state of consciousness, the super, or hyperconscious. This is a state of consciousness that is a combination, or rather a synchronisation of the sub and normal conscious. This has been documented a bit apparently, there’s quite a few different accounts of different theories about it. But, leaving science aside, because science isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, there are other ways where the sub and normal consciousness are aligned. Several ancient societies had rituals, and the more modern ways are things like meditation, things like yoga, and chanting/rhythmic methods. If you start searching around the internet you can find lots of theories about this, lots of ways of trying align these two states of consciousness, of which, one is alcohol. Unsurprisingly.
The next question that then comes to mind, is why do we have two minds? Did we used to have one, that then split, or has it always been two?
I think we used to have one, before we became civilised. If we look at animals, who aren’t civilised, they seem to spend most of their time messing about and doing tricks. Once you take the dangers of nature out of the way. But these animals don’t have the subconscious if we’re to believe what we’re told. They have the one consciousness, what we refer to as the animal consciousness, or animal/primitive instinct. So, as we became more and more civilised, we became less and less animal/primitive. And this is where I think our mind started to split into two. And I’m not sure that, after a point, this is good for us.
When we spend any length of time in cities or large towns, we start to feel ill for it. And I think our subconscious, the more primitive side of us, knows this. Which is why we talk about “getting away from it all” and “taking a break.” We also seem to feel healthier when we’ve had a holiday, when we’ve relaxed and been able to “unwind.” Which makes us wonder why we do it? Why do we live in large cities?
I suppose in a way it was our way of beating nature. We’re not a strong species, most things out there can overpower us. We’re not a fast species, we can be outrun by pretty much everything out there. But what we had were our brains. So we relied on civilisation, and technology to get us ahead. And, I think, as a consequence we had the split of the sub and the normal consciousness. After all, as they say: two minds are better than one.
But our two minds aren’t in synchronisation with each other. I don’t know if they used to be, but I think they were. I think some of the more “primitive” races that we’ve seen are still in tune with themselves, still have their two minds in synch. But the further we’ve moved into civilisation, the further apart the two halves of our consciousness have moved. But, there may also be a mid-point, a point where the sub and standard consciousness balance, I wonder perhaps if Buddhists have reached this balance, the point where the sub and standard conscious minds are realigned in a modern civilisation. It’s certainly possible in a way, for people to learn how to resynchronise their minds, to get their sub and standard consciousness in tune with each other. As mentioned, yoga, meditation, alcohol (and other drugs), through the use of these we look to enhance our consciousness, when in fact perhaps we are just realigning it?
Now, seeing as we’re almost believing this, let’s look at something a step further. As well as the two minds, we’ve got the body, the chemical, our actual bodies themselves. So, we can look at what’s known as the placebo effect. Our standard consciousness is tricked, and works in line with our subconscious to make our body think that something is happen, so our bodies starts to produce the results required. Give someone a sugar coated pill and tell them it’ll cure their headache, and it possibly will. Because they believe it will. The two minds, and the chemical body work together and produce the required result.
Can this be possible though? Is the placebo effect the gateway to something else? I think so, I think it’s similar to the way that homeopathy might work too, the standard conscious is told it’s working, the subconscious believes it’s working, and the chemical body gets a gentle push in the right direction. It’s also possible that this might go one step further. Some primitive animals, without the benefit of civilisation, and the modern medicine that comes with it are able to regenerate and regrow. Salamanders for example can regrow limbs, other animals can regrow tails.
It seems that the coordination of the mind and the body is capable of some things that we’re only starting to understand. Even recently scientists have discovered that the reason our nails continue to regenerate is because of messages sent from our minds to the stem cells that exist under our nails, and this also means that if you cut off the end of your finger or toe, it will regrow. But we only have the ability to send messages to those end points of our bodies. Cut off too much, and it won’t be able to regenerate. But it’s our subconscious that’s doing this. What might be possible if we were able to realign our sub and standard consciousness into the hyperconscious that scientists (and admittedly a fair few whackos) believe exist? Would we then be able to start taking further control of our bodies? Would we too be able to regrow limbs, or never endings?
I think it’s possible, but I think that while we focus on civilisation, and modern medicine (read: chemicals) we won’t truly believe that it’s possible, and we won’t be able to align our consciousness.
Of course, this could all be the alcohol talking from an altered state of consciousness, but each aspect of this is actually true and verifiable with even brief research on the interwebs.
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Latest reply: Sep 8, 2013
Like a punch in the stomach.
Posted Jul 4, 2013
I grew up around death. My mother's side of the family were Irish Catholics and had the large families typically associated with them, my father's side were English Protestants and bred like the Catholics from my mother's side. By the time I started secondary school though there weren't that many left. By the time I left secondary school there were very few older than my parents that were still on this mortal coil.
Death seemed to be kept busy with my relatives, with causes ranging from the odd old age to the far too common cancer and the hereditary Picks Disease that plagues the women on my dad's side. Most of my early memories are of funerals, which probably explains my morbidly dark sense of humour, and I really have lost count of how many I've been to. The first time my wife met my family was at my aunt's funeral. Since then there's been a few more.
My mother seems to be bucking the trend though, she's had 13 bouts with cancer and has come out on top each time. She jokes that there's more parts of her in jars in the hospital than still on her. A couple of years ago my dad too was diagnosed with early skin cancer and they cut out a few lumps from his arm. Not surprising really as he's always been a sun worshiper, out basking in the heat any chance he could get.
But it looks like there's going to be another funeral, possibly soon. A few weeks ago my brother was diagnosed as having skin cancer, and they wanted to get him in to do a full set of tests to see how far it had gone. On Monday though he was rushed into hospital with severe stomach pains. It seems that the cancer had spread to his liver and spleen, and who knows where else. The doctors initial thoughts are it's beyond operable, and very likely beyond chemo. I won't know until later today, maybe tomorrow, how bad it is. But it looks like he won't be leaving the hospital any time soon, if ever.
I grew up around death, but it appears I'm not as immune to it as I thought. This has really hit me hard, a lot harder than when my mother was diagnosed, each time she was, or when my father was. It could be that it's because my brother is only just over a year older than me, but I don't think so. I don't know why it's hitting me, but it is.
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Latest reply: Jul 4, 2013
Pastey
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