h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wouldn't be able to help myself Jack, I might not have watched it but I'd still seek out the result. It would just be better if I hibernated. All animals that hibernate are happy aren't they? You never see an angry squirrel.

But suppose there was a squirrel who was a Barcelona fan, Mac.

He'd miss everything.

I'm guessing he could hibernate with smug satisfaction Messi, Xavi and Iniesta would take care of business. He can always catch the highlights in the spring.

Yeah, but all his non-hibernating mates will have stories to tell their grandchildren about it.

Whereas he'll just be reduced to a story along the lines of 'I woke up one day to find that the lads won everything in my absence and everyone got plastered while I was asleep'.

His grandchildren will hate him for having such rubbish stories.

I guess if he times it right he can hibernate when they won't actually get round to finishing off winning everything. Plus they'll be missing a few important games in December this year to go to the World Club Cup.

But one day, Mac, that tournament will take off and he'd be able to boast to his grandchildren about the day he watched it, without telling him that it really wasn't of any interest at the time of course......but only if he wasn't hibernating.

I think we have to conclude that hibernation is a great idea of you're an Arsenal fan but a rubbish idea of you're a Barcelona fan.

Maybe all squirrels are Arsenal fans then.

Bears too, Mac.

I have it on good authority that most bears in North America catch salmon while wearing a Ray Parlour shirt.

Salmons must think a legend has come to visit them.

Still a sickener though, Mac.

You get one chance to have sex in your whole life and you have to swim for 4000 miles to get it and seconds before you get there you get eaten while trying to jump up a watefall.

Don't salmons realise it's a waste of time?

If anybody could advise a group on not getting involved with someone, it'd be Ray Parlour.

Getting involved with someone was a bad idea for him, Mac.

Anyway, gotta go. Talk tomorrow.

Have a good one Jack.

Morning people.

Bit of a hold up today, but I've made it in time for tea break.

Morning people.

Jack, good tea break?

Passable, Mac. Nothing special.

You didn't quite manage the hibernation thing again then? Today might have been a good day to start.

Jack, I can't help but be an idiot and subject myself to misery.

Me too, Mac.

We should be locked up, frankly.

I'd still request a tv.

I guess we'll just have to conclude that we will never, ever be logical again.