Journal Entries
And now for an encore
Posted Jul 30, 2000
A dream again, this one may go with the last one. I can't remember the earlier parts, they seemed to revolve around school and a huge lecture theatre where someone is talking. I am sitting there with Richard, Andrew and Peter casually chatting and passing comment about the lecture.
The theatre itself is a large one, like a lot of rooms in the amphetheatre style so common in my dreams. It is nearly vertical (a reminder of when I was scared half to death by Windsor Theatre Royal) and with small rows of seats. They look like little islands.
We were sitting near the top row and while I was talking with Richard and Andrew and Peter, I was wondering where Matt was. A few minutes later I looked at the end of the boxlike row and saw him and my heart smashed. I had hoped to be his friend but he seemed distant. That was all I could think about as I ran out of the room and into the corridor. This was a corridor from my school, a gallery over the dining hall into which I looked. I may have seen Sam, I'm not sure.
I was going to go down and talk with him but I found myself in the theatre again, this time as a different lecturer rumbled on. I was with the three again and then I was told that I had to go out to meet my mum for a hospital appointment.
I somehow forgot and found myself in the gallery again, talking with Chow (a guy who is in the habit of hugging and flirting with his friends) about what university courses he wants to do, it was then I woke up.
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Latest reply: Jul 30, 2000
Dream another dream of me
Posted Jul 27, 2000
Last night I had a dream. This was more vivid, more realistic than most dreams but like all of mine, it had special effects and dramatic cutting. But then that is me, dramatist.
It started off in a very high security version of my school. It was more like a prison than a school to be honest. I was walking with all my friends from my life, what ever their age now (or then). We were all around 15 or 16. We were being *friends*, being there for each other, laughing and joking in that innane way that only 15 year olds can do.
Joe was there, Danniele, Andrew(all three or four of them), Richard(s), Peter(all of them), Paul, Nick(s) and many more. Bizarrely Sam (my imaginary friend and alter ego I had from the age of 7 'til 9 after I moved) was there as well. He was the guy I took my confirmation name from at 12 as a way of closing that chapter.
Then we lost track of our way through the school and turned into a back corridor (which doesn't exist in the real school) that was sinister almost. It had laser and PIR detectors that scanned up and down. The chatter slowly stopped as we walked and realised just how evil where we were was.
One of the PIRs made an almost successful scan and we began running, trying to find a way out. Then, suddenly, we broke a sensor's field of vision and all manner of klaxons, alarms, red beacons and tracers came on. Needlessly to say we ran, almost all my friends ran one way whilst myself and Dannielle ran and found ourselves in a deadend passage surrounded by a chil breeze and dark corners. Nowhere to turn we huddled on the floor together and said our prayers. Two looming security guards caught us together and we were separated. I never saw any of these people again.
I was put into service of the school, cleaning the rooms, making the dinners. I made the tea, pushed the paper, photocopied. I was a dogbody. When I wasn't doing that, late at night or in my off periods, I was made to listen to classes in repressing thought, classes in being a model citizen. We were lectured and harmonised and made to be of orwellian freethought as we listened. That is where, in the dream, I met Sam. Sam sparked in me the ability to be different and after talking to each other for a while we were becoming good, very good friends, best of friends in the cold, inhuman world we were part of.
After a long time of this we made a break for it and found ourselves on our school bus. Someone else was there with us as we talked and laughed on the way home. We lost track of time and eventually realised we were approaching his house. We three got off together and walked to his front door. We entered, took off our shoes and Sam and I sat down together (together as a couple) and talked, played computer games and messed around with this other friend, good friend, of both of us (I couldn't see his face)
That is when I woke up.
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Latest reply: Jul 27, 2000
Seeing truth
Posted Jul 8, 2000
Wow... this has been a week to put things in perspective, that's for sure.
Well, I have realised that I can live without this guy as a lover, but I can't live without him as a friend. Maybe someday we will be together but not for a long while. His friendship means so much more to me.
I think, I hope we are friends again. On Sunday I am going to call and tell him what happened. I would call him today, but he is performing in a concert at the Royal Albert Hall.
I realised why I act so obsessional and jealous about friends though. When I was seven I lost my best friend, she was wonderful, we lived next door to each other. We did everything together. We knew each other from when we were three... my mum made us move away, I was so very upset... I wouldn't stop crying. 
Well... I wasn't allowed to talk to her again cos my mum didn't approve of her (her family were Jehova's Witnesses) so I lost her...
So I have been scared to let go of friends in case I lose them. Funny... it was almost losing this guy's friendship that knocked me into realising this... I had blocked the memory...
Discuss this Journal entry [14]
Latest reply: Jul 8, 2000
Dead Sally
Posted Jun 10, 2000
Dead Sally sat on the cat
Dead Sally ate the mat
She danced through
The Golden Gate.
Touched the men
As does Fate.
Dead Sally was the one
The only time to Kingdom come
Left alone her victims cry
After the winter spry
After the cold
Most will die.
Joseph Geldart
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Latest reply: Jun 10, 2000
Reach for the Stars (a song looking for music)
Posted May 21, 2000
Reach for the stars,
Dream of golden thrones.
Buy me a palace and statues,
Save me from my home.
Sun drenched, wave swept,
What's work? I forget.
Bright and easy fantasy,
Reach for the stars.
Sat at home, canned laughter,
Playing game shows, "I said..."
This home, this house,
Dead sound with empty bed.
Lonely days, worse at night,
Fears haunt my every breath.
See my chances fall to the side,
God plays my life in happy jest.
Reach for the stars,
Dream of golden thrones.
Buy me a palace and statues,
Save me from my home.
Sun drenched, wave swept,
What's work? I forget.
Bright and easy fantasy,
Reach for the stars.
Look into my eyes,
Just what do you see?
A forgotten world,
Baren, empty singing pain.
Yeah, a forgotten world,
Remember it for me.
Give me the way out,
Let me reach for the,
Yeah let me reach for the,
Give me the reach for the stars.
[Break]
Reach for the stars,
Dream of golden thrones.
Buy me a palace and statues,
Save me from my home.
Sun drenched, wave swept,
What's work? I forget.
Bright and easy fantasy,
Reach for the stars.
Discuss this Journal entry [17]
Latest reply: May 21, 2000
Joe aka Arnia, Muse, Keeper, MathEd, Guru and Zen Cook (business is booming)
Researcher U28269
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