h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How disturbingly un-penguin-like. You're not DM in disguise, are you?

You're lucky she won't see that remark - she would have your knackers in a vice. The penguin identity is true - us penguins are actually a bunch of scheming old birds - the cute fluffiness is our best weapon.

It's a shame this soup had to happen now - I was getting quite fond of you. But this is politics - the Brigade will be proud of me

oh dear - that should have read 'coup'... oops.

What's with the sudden change in tack? Is this sleep-depravation or wine related? I've never seen you like this, Frizz. You're positively antagonistic. Hardly any smilies or anything.

Oh, dear, you do make me feel guilty - this, I presume is just part oif the scheme to hold onto pawer, dinna fretm, your leadership is not in question any more.

Consider it an exercose in management. Hey, if this was a real coup (or soup for that matter) do you think there would be smileys - all part of the exercise.

Congratulations, Nick O'Teen - you have passed Weevil-Meistership Grade II. (that good enough for you? well, I thought it was funny)

I didn't know what to think, other than, 'What the heck is going on here?'

I was becoming certain that you were trying to get me to stop with all this weevil nonsense. I was considering redesigning my entire home page. Hey, I'm a sesnsitive guy - I don't like conflicts.

Oh dear - that was supposed to be in English

What?

My previous post.

Well it is now Sunday and I am just beginning to review last nights ravings - oh dear, I hope I didn't disturb you too much with my psychotic dual personality. I think it must have been all the fireworks (and perhaps the vast quantities of booze). I shall keep taking the mood-stabilising medication and I hope my darker revolutionary side will be suppressed for now. (but you will never know when she may be back...)

Feel a little quieter today - what a surprise...

Yes, there certainly was a bit of a dark edge to your ramblings. I could have played along with it, but I prefer an H2G2 world without strife and full of happy weevils, dancing around the maypole and munching on delicious potatos with corn syrup.

I promise to wreak no more havoc on the quiet and peaceful world of weevils.

(Yes , it is by far a nicer image than combat-boot carnage)

PS what is corn syrup - surely it's not syrup made from corn (maize)? what an unpleasant thought...

It is, indeed syrup made from corn, but it's used primarily as a commercial cooking ingredient, as opposed to a dessert topping, unless you're a weevil.

Well, it's nice to know the weevils enjoy it . Sounds utterly repugnant. But I bet it's in loads of stuff that I eat - but don't know about

(*cue paranoid reading of all ingredients lists on junk food / delicious sweet snack products*)

I'm actually a bit of a fussy old tart and tend to spend hours pouring over the ingredients lists on stuff (part of trial s of being a veggie) - I think one of the worst is Sunny Delight - new-fangled orange juice type drink - my god there's some revolting sounding ingredients in there ... probably corn syrup as well .

Umm - a vegetarian penguin - you don't get many of them around -perhaps to do with the lack of soya in the cold antarctic wastes...

That's quite funny that you singled out Sunny Delight, because both my brother and I think it's the most disgusting excuse for a fruit drink imaginable. That stuff is positively revolting. Even the weevils turn their cute little snouts up at it. Vile stuff's probably got beef stock in it for all I know.

If you're reading ingredients lists, you're probably bordering on being a vegan, rather than a mere vegetarian, am I correct?

Nah - I'm actually pretty rubbish at being a vegetarian - there are some things I do try to avoid and some to which I kind of turn a blind eye. Just a compulsive ingredients reader really - the thought of all those chemicals and refined sugar and ugh... *shivers just thinking about the rubbish it* - (I also read all that nutrition breakdown stuff - important to know how much carbohydrate you're getting ).

It is a well known fact though that all alcoholic beverages have to pass stringent tests and are all officially good for you and brimming with tasty goodness (and don't legally have to carry ingredients listings - not in the UK anyway)

Well, that's because alcohol itself is an ingredient and ingredients don't have to have ingredients lists for themselves.

I'm really confused now - but surely alcoholic drinks have a wide variety of ingredients and are not purely alcohol (I do draw the line at some things you know ) - I mean gin and vodka - the same ingredients? I think not... Lager and guiness? What are you talking about (too much corn syrup I guess?

Yes, but they all fall into the category 'alcohol', in the same way that walnuts and cashews all fall into the category 'nuts'. Nuts are an ingredient, so is alcohol. Oh sure, sometimes it's given exotic names, like 'cooking wine', and 'thunder bird', but that doesn't fool anybody.

Yes - but you can still get packets of nuts which have the ingredients listed on the side (i.e. hazelnuts, peanuts, almonds)(not that you dopn't know what nuts are ). But a bottle of booze does not have to list all the individual ingredients that go into, say Thunderbird (blimey I haven't heard anyone mention that in a along time -can you still get it?)

Yes, you can still buy Thunderbird in the US. Costs about $1.80 for a 26oz bottle. But the American corner stores have even nastier stuff. When I went camping down the Oregon coast, we stopped at this corner store and my buddy bought a bottle of this stuff called 20/20 or something. It looked like a big bottle of Aqua Velva (it was bright blue in color), and was, without a doubt, the most wretched stuff I have ever tasted. Apparently this is the drink that winos buy, and is probably just barely one step above Aqua Velva. Really, it tastes so horrible, I wouldn't even classify it as alcohol.