h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm pleased you decided
to keep things clean
"threads" have eyes
and this can be seen

"big wave" to all lurkers
sit back and enjoy
as i wipe the floor
with this foolish young boy

A strawberry flan?
try chocolate instead
and a few tomatos
hit you on the head
some rotten eggs
just to make you smell nice??
a bag of flour
and a sprinkling of rice

"Stands back and admires
her masterpiece"
you'll not win this fight
i'll never cease!!


I'm impressed by your actions

HUGE

cometh the hour,cometh the man
cometh in your direction
fresh sick in a flan

cottage cheese gone stale
lets smear it on thick
pour over the oxtail
that'll do the trick

a quick mix of concrete
excuse me,the phone
just take a seat
omg,you,re set in stone

you're mine for keeps
to hold and to handle
and when darkness creeps
i'll light your candle

Covered in sick
and concrete laden!!
is that any way
to treat this fair maiden?

Heres the crux
now i'm gonna laugh
"runs upstairs
and borrows your bath"

Feeling refreshed
i'm on my way home
"mutters" huh! setting me out
like a garden gnome!

When i get there
i'll tell the Duke
how you covered me in
goats cheese, concrete and puke!
I'll return with weapons
so you better sit tight
cos you are one
SOOOOOOOOO DEAD KNIGHT!!

strutts of in a huff!! (((SLAAAAAAAAM)))

well thats no way to treat alady
covered in sick!!!
thats abit shady
so if you are going to take the mick

just use s
they even stick


lurking
REBEL_WOLF ACE hat on LMAO

i've taken up singing
in the hope that you'll wait
please stop and start ringing
the bell at the gate

i'll rub you down
with oil and things
i'll take you to town
and buy you rings

"sings"
say you,say me
say it forever
thats the way it should be.

i need you here beside me
my loneliness is untold
you and i should be "we"
the space in the bed is cold




tell rebs it was a good attempt at poetry but don't give up the day job

Now your singing to me?
hmmm not a bad voice
that songs ok
but would'nt be my choice
some Linkin Park
now they're really hot
but David Gray
ooooh that hits the spot

Your really dying
to win my affection
with gifts of flowers
and chocolate confection
your efforts are good
you clearly are trying
but i suspect
you could be lying

and what of the oils
is that four star or diesel?
i bet you are a slippery weasel

It would be too easy
to fall for your charms
and let you embrace me in your arms
My hearts in a whirl
my heads in a spin
with all these wonderful thoughts
of sin

I've dispelled the idea
of eggs and flour
i'm off now
to go and have a cold shower

so,a weasel you think
be prepared to smile
i'll give you a wink
when down your trousers with guile

i slip in easily
and poke about
and with a smile thats weasily
make you squeal and shout

i'll "shower" you with love
not cold,really hot
and under the stars above
we'll tie our "love-knot"

(sings)
it seems to me
you live your life
like a candle in the wind
never knowing who to turn to
when the rain sets in.

you know it makes sense.

The old ferret trick?
now thats a bit dodgy
ok, i'll just have to send in my moggy!
Your weasel is doomed
he will be no more
chewed up and mangled
then spat of the floor!

And will you stop
that infernal singing
its giving me headache
my ears a ringing

This reminds me of something
give me a mo
oh yes thats it
you think your compo!
With ferrets and wellies
and old woolley hat
your really going to have to do
better than that
I want someone with style
charisma and charm
not bloody compo
stuck on my arm!!

how cruel you are
i'm dapper and smart
with my shiny sports car
and love in my heart

i'll sweep you away
on a carpet of love
and enthrall you all day
in the sky up above

our urges will flow
our clothes torn and tatty
i'll be your compo
you'll be my nora batty

your stockings round your knees
and curlers all in place
you'll just need to pay my fees
for putting a smile on your face


if i can't sing i'll whistle instead

A flashy sports car!
now your talking
gizza a lift
it'll save me walking

Is that an "Armani" suit your wearing?
and "Obsession for men"
mmmmmm very daring

Its enough to turn
this pretty girls head
I have a plan
we should be wed

We'll have a big house
filled with nice things
an acre of land
and two garden swings

We can book the church
and the village hall
its going to be great
we'll have a ball!

hysterically.....s the wedding march!!

oh what can i say
you're doing the right thing
you've made my day
will you take my ring

i've booked the rolls
and the vicar too
i've dumped the rubber dolls
now that i have you

your sinks full of dishes
the iron is hot
you've answered all my wishes
make the tea,theres the pot

the vac's by the door
give the brass a rub
make sure you mop the floor
i'm off down the pub

"sings" always look on the bright side of life s

Just a cotton-pickin minute
I'm not your slave!
get your ass back here
and just behave

Do you think your an arab shiek
or royalty?
what happened to love
where is the loyalty
If you want a skivvy
then hire a maid
she'll do all your chores
if she gets paid

Hand over your cash
i'm not stopping
your dinners in the dog
i'm off shopping!

You can cancel all vicars
and village halls
I'm going to have you
strung up by the b***s!!

oh dear heart
are you upset
we must never part
you,i'll never forget

i'll be your slave
and do your every wish
i'll let you misbehave
please,please be my dish

the dinner was great
didn't like the dog
and such is my fate
my heads down the bog

please come back
i'll pay you for things
i'll even wear black
with laces and strings

give me a chance
let us two be one
don't lead me a dance
you'll miss me when i'm gone

"Stops in her tracks
and turns around"
see's nudgenudge grovelling
on the ground

Admires the view
of this man on his knees
my every wish
you will try to please?

thats quite some task
you've set yourself
it could be detremental
to your health

Jeez! i must be going
soft in the head
I'll let you off
with a warning instead

Its christmas time
and i'm full of good cheer
we should'nt be fighting
this time of year

Ok i'll be your hearts desire
so come over here
and light my fire!!

merry christmas T have a good one

hi venus,ive not been very well but i will post a reply to your last msg.seasons greetings to you and yours.

T

Aaawwww hope your feeling better now
catch up with you soon, take care
Have a great christmas and happy new year!

Jen

had to barge in and very good thread

the logs on the fire
the candles are lit
music comes from the choir
on the rocker you sit

outside snow is falling
in the distance is a bell
whats that?someones calling
"do you want stuffing as well"

theres an aroma of pine
from the fire as it burns
and a single star does shine
in the sky as the world turns

spare a thought for old st. nick
as he fills you full of cheer
like david blaine,hes got a trick
he only comes once a year


this is not as good as the one i did thursday that wouldn't post.

think its brilliant that you can come out with stuff like that....iv never been good at poetry!!!