h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've bought some new weapons
to fight this good fight
some handcuffs a truncheon
and an old pair of tights?!
an electronic magnet
to hold you in place
while i remove that mask from your face

I lift up your mask
to reveal what inside
yea gods man!
no wonder you wanted to hide
with huge big eyes
and grin so mean
err why's your skin that odd shade of green?
and thats your donkey!
oh flippin-heck!!
i remember you now
thats it your SHREK!!


no offence intended,i'm sure your an adonis really

you've cut me deep
i'm full of woe
now i can't sleep
you've hurt me so

you've seen my face
and now you know
a mirror was in place
under the mask below

i've cuffed you up
'cos flipping heck
with tights pulled up
its you that SHREK


i was gonna hit you with the truncheon but wheres there no sense.....

This wounded damsel
is at your mercy
so have a heart
and set me free

I am in pain
i might start crying
you've wounded me so
i could be dying

Prove to me
your a gallant knight
let me run
do whats right

with evil thought
and wicked smile
you'll remain caught
for a short while

i'll have my way
you will be mine
handcuffed you'll stay
until i count 69

then away you will go
bearing no grudge
smiling broadly also
winkwink,nudgenudge.

Have your way?
not on your nelly
you'll get no more
than a kick to the belly
This lady is pure
and will stay that way
i wont let you take me
no how! no way!

I've changed my mind
i wont give in
i'll stay and fight
AND I WILL WIN!!

a fight it is
then fair maiden
i'll tell you this
my arms are laden

with flowers and rings
and a song or two
some smelly things
and chocolates too

but its only a ruse
to butter you up
and you'll not refuse
the lovin cup.

Your trying to to buy me
with flowers and chocs?
ok pass em over
i'll finish the the box
but you still can't have
your wicked way
though i'll give it some thought
for another day

I have this problem
its this belt you see
and i've gone and darn well lost the key!
so i cant oblige you
with a favour
do you want this orange choc?
i dont like that flavour!

a key you're missing
well lets see
have you tried kissing
the magical tree

its power is strong
it'll make you jump
you can't go wrong
as its magic it pumps

the belt you wear
now has no lock
i've freed you, "there"
wheres my choc.


hope rebs is ok with this

Kissing a tree!
not really my style
but a gallant knight
might be worthwhile
but alas i have found none
to fill my desire
and sample this burning flame of fire

The belt may be free
the lock now is broke
but i still wont allow you
to give me a poke!

With petticoats and corsetts
and all other gear
your ardour wwould be dampened
before you got near!

Rebs thinks this thread is really funny

a poke fair maiden
perish the thought
i don't wish to be laden
with the "stigma" i sought

to deflower a rose
so pure and true
one who had chose
to keep her virtue

as for your defence
is that all you've got
come on,see sense
it'll burn,i'm that hot

So you think your a dragon
how did i guess
and you want to set fire
to this maidens dress!
Ok if you must
but please be aware
its the only one i have
from now on i'll be bare
You cant burn my boots though
to that i am sticking
i still need them
to give you a kicking!

I'll bring reinforcements
"send in the boys"
They'll crush your armour
like dinky toys!!
enough of the soft stuff
stand up and fight
show me your tough
fight the good fight!!

hehehehe...

alas i cant write poetry

unless its about s

but it makes good reading for lurkers

oh foolish wench
what are you thinking
your mind you do drench
what are you drinking

the power of nudge
is too great for your army
my armour won't budge
too try is just barmy

release your desire
let yourself go
then feel the fire
juliet,love romeo


a bit of culture at the end

Your all huff and puff
full of hot air
take on my amry
HA!! try if you dare

These boys will protect me
from your advances
They're built like an outhouse
fancy your chances?

Romeo indeed
that sounds about right
he wore a skirt
and some odd looking tights!

This lady is beautiful
this lady is pretty
though i say it myself
this lady is witty!!

amry

lets look at the facts
and study them clear
opposites attracts
of that have no fear


your amry is useless
they can't even spell
the feelings you possess
you just cannot quell

your beauty is well known
your desire is great
do you happen to own
a dress in size eight

(cough)

i digress from this rhyme
your feelings are intense
for my body sublime
you know it makes sense

adonis is here
let your love flow
hold me near
and let yourself go

My amry can't spell
of that theres no doubt
but they're here to fight
and could soon knock you out.

whats this is see
you digress from the plot
you want my body?
are you getting hot?

8 is close
but 10 is my size
with shoulder length hair
and deep blue eyes
Oh please stop drooling
and wipe your face
this is'nt the time
this is'nt the place

To win this fair maiden
you'll have to do better
prove yourself
then you might get her
I'll set a task
now let me think
i'll get back to you on that
nudgenudge winkwink!!

any task that you set
is a waste of your time
i've met no-one yet
to beat me in my prime

i aim to please
in all that i do
you are a tease
but a lovely one too

with your hair of gold
your eyes of blue
may i be so bold
as to ask of you

be good to your fellow man
slow down a pace
hey,heres a flan
wipe that smile off your face


i changed the last verse to protect the innocent