h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ooh, lovely. I'd run out of mayo.

Splat it over here a bit.

*shakeyshakey*

*splatsplatsplat*

Ewwwwww...

Thank you for the thankou accessory! *munchmunch*

I think I might have overdone it slightly: can I have a bit back?

*Rubs 'wich on head*

Smoooooooooooooooth

*wafts up the Ninja Turtle duvet*

Oo! You ought to give a chap a warning afore you waft

S'alright. I had my hands over my eyes.

Not terribly good at this seeking business.

Yes you are You've found me all over the place!

I did!

Look, your arm's over there, there's your left foot and just over yonder is your knee.

It's all right, they're all tied on with bits of elastic.

Hup!

*ping*

Oo - that smarts!

Hee hee ...

*feelbettercream*

Ooh, you've just reminded me of something. When I was *points to knee height* I found this doll that my Ma' had when she was little. It was a black pot doll with life-like hair that was falling off and all of it's limbs were connected with elastic. Cos it was old, they were all fally offy. It had bright red lipstick and teeth that looked like a real kids.

Very scary doll.

Scary dolls

Closely related to clowns *shudder* Similar paintwork.

Used to have nightmares about it tapping on the underneath of my bed.

Did you ever do that where you went to the loo in middle of the night and had to run away as soon as you flushed in case a monster flew out?

No? Just me then ...

I remember middle of the night trips to the loo being pretty scary But not for monsters flying out reasons though I was more worried about the trip there and back...

Landing monsters

Landing monsters that hide in shadows in the corners and ... and ...

When I was about 6 we all went to the Isle of Wight and I shared a room with my brothers. They used to zoom between bouts of protectyness and extreme tormenting. One night they told me that I couldn't step on the floor during the night because crocodiles would eat me. So I had to jump across the room on furniture.

You mean...

That crocodiles thing is a myth?

*climbs down off chair*

But I've been up there for *years*

We used to have a carpet with swirly red bits in it and if you trod on those bits... well, it wasn't good

He must have had ropes and levers and a fridge on wheels ...

My Nan had one of those carpets.

Scary carpets. They were all the rage at one time

Still are in my Nan's house.

Really? Does she rave about the carpets?

"Hello, how are y..."

"Never mind that - check the carpets!!! "