h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That was painful. Must've been exhausted after all that.

Haven't watched it in ages. I wanted to tell them all to sit down with a cuppa and relax.

She should have given him cake, and comfy cushions to huggle when talking about difficult stuff

I actually managed to forget about it mostly this year, I think I might be over that particular compulsion

And a teddy bear!

Me too. Phew!

*pokey*

Tell me things

Eh? Wha ...?

What kind of things?

*feeblepoke*

Gwan. You know...stuff. Bedtime rambles

Anything for a rubbish roast tatty look-a-like.

Right then. *schlurp*

Once upon a time there was a Jangley who had awesome thieving and fortune telling powers. Despite the thieving crystal ball staring camp being mostly dominated by people of normal height, the Jangley came to be crowned Queen of Future Speculation and of all Things to be Thieved.

One day Queen Jangley was idly sat on her throne, surreptitiously pocketing the jewels that decorated it while watching her servants hobble forwards with more pretty stones to pop back into their place for her to once more steal, when a lone man clad in tweed and burdened with heavy books approached her. The boff requested that Queen Jangley look into his future and in return he would tell her where all the greatest items of stealworthyness were hidden.

After pondering this matter for mere milli-seconds, she shook his hand and stealthily pocketed the ring upon his finger. Queen Jangley told the boff that his future would be spent living the rest of his days with her as they travelling the earth together in search of valuable shiny things.

And they both lived happily ever after.

The end.

Even though I really wanted it to be a 'and they all drank lemonade' ending

That goes without saying. A happy ending isn't really happy unless there's lemonade to be drunk.

*points*

I was rummaging in the larder earlier for stuff and there must be 8 bottles of lemonade in there. I've no idea why. Nobody drinks lemonade in this house*.

* Said in a League of Gents toad man voice.

N'aawww, that were proper lovely that were

Tell me bedtime stories every night

One's where I'm always Queen

Or maybe, your family don't want you to know they are infact, secret lemonade drinkers

Tomorrow I shall tell you a story where you're Queen of the caterpillars.

Now that you mention it ... there's a repressed memory that's coming back to me now ...

I came home early one day and they were all sat outside. The giggling intrigued me and I edged closer to the patio door. And then ... then ... I saw them. Each and every one of them sipping lemonade without a care in the world. It felt so dirty.

Can they be chocolate cake caterpillars

Oh you poor thing, but it explains so much

Clearly help is needed. I suggest Jeremy Vile and assorted items of sports wear

Okay. But bear in mind that you might run out of worshippers.

I do need help. And Jeremy is the only one who can draw a line in the sand and do it.

Sports wear and a bottle of bleach? And a sweetie addiction p'raps?

That's fine. You can just make me queen of the cream slice people the following night

Draw a line he will...and say things like 'let's face it sweetheart, you're all wrong, you've got to really want give up your Jazzle fixes'

I have to be flumpward

N'night Hans Crispy Footbacon

Me too.

Night night Queen Jangley ... we doin' snoggings?

Oh, how long I've waited for a night night snogging from you.

Hhmmm?

Oh gosh...yes, er...hehe...

*ahem*

My hug slipped

I think that's why she hasn't turned up yet. She can't hide her love for me any longer and she's trying to hide it.

She's torn between an open declaration of love and hiding herself away and being all moody and windswept

No! No...because...no...that's...no!

Oh be still my beating heart

I was just checking for stray crumbs