h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That's more like it, although your curtsey could do with a bit of practice

Gawjus, but ver', ver' rich

Nope! Don't want to hear nothing about any of that thank you.

Oh...poo particlayz! You're not the only one. I'm a rubbish interweb weirdo stalkererKin'ell! S'gonna cost all my spoons in biscuit bribes.

I'm allowed to take ages to post. I'm queen.

Queen? How the blummin' flip did that happen? I didn't vote for you.

I mean, I'm not saying I wouldn't... but that's a hell of a promotion.

She was very understanding about my newtiness - I'm sure she'll be understanding about the demands of being queen and so on

Self appointed. Saves everybody having to faff about making their minds up whether or not they want me to be queen

Yeah, but you're teacher's petyou get away with allsorts.

Fair dos

Am not so It's all very fair and above board and there are no extra puds for anyone, all perfectly equal portions.

You don't want to hear about the 'lympics at all? It's my sole source of conversation at the moment.

Apart from puds.

Except some portions are more equal than others

I've successfully managed to avoid all of it so far, aside from the last 10 minutes or so of the opening ceremony. I'm rather proud.

Just puds n' 'lympics?

Suppose it makes a nice change from all the hoity toity boffery you're forever trying to impress us with

When do I try to impress you with hoity toity boffery?

It is mostly puds and 'lympics, yes. Not so much of the puds either. Unfortunately.

Going to have to flump, I think

Night night Mrs B Good luck with the regal thing.

All the time. You're always going on about it. Leaving your brains lying about all over the place and big bowls of highfalutin words and things. Just like the big show off you are!

You big flumper!

N'night Orf with his head!

I have purple hair!

Here comes trouble

Is there going to be an explanation?

What's to explain. My hair wasn't purple and now it is!



And my fingies are a bit purplish too, won't come off.

Lo!

Hello!

So why the sudden purpleness?

Is this a queen thing?

Weeeeeeell...I fancied a bit of a change and because it's hard to colour one's own mop, spesh when there's loads of it, I asked my son and heir....

It took a very, very long time, roughly an hour and a half, the colour's only supposed to be on for about 20 minutes.

It's ver' purpley and ver' dark. I look like...someone with very dark purple hair.

I shall decree everybody dyes their hair purple. You first.

Where am I going to find purple hair dye at this time of night?

I've got some baked beans in the cupboard. Would they work? I mean, orange rather than purple... but I could mix some ketchup in to make it a bit darker.

Capital idea! Maybe you could thread beans on the ends of your hair, ver' stylish

Would it really be?

I'm already anticipating bean-nibblage though. Maybe I'll glaze them with something yucky.

Oh indeed. *pats head*

Well, there's the obvious...Newman's Own?

I'm afraid the Newman's Own has gone. I got my hands on some proper American Ranch Dressing mix and I jettisoned that awful gunk with some glee

Pah! You're so fickle. No staying power you boffs.

Going to go see if my pillow turns purple

Sloopyness be upon me

N'night

Bet it will too

Bed? When there's 'lympics?

Night night