Journal Entries
KAT continues to be broken
Posted Nov 11, 2004
My leg is still completely and utterly broken, which isn't right after 2 months. Sooooooooo.....I have to have ANOTHER operation in January called reaming, where they cut my leg open, go into the bone and irritate the inside of it to try and make it grow. I don't know what they'll do if that doesn't work. I'm incrediably scared.
Im also hanging in here by my fingernails but Im still here. We shall see whether that continues, whether I get myself out of it, or whether I just give in.
Oh and mam's just walked in the front door crying, when she went to work an hour ago. Id better go and sort her out
Discuss this Journal entry [14]
Latest reply: Nov 11, 2004
KAT's erm...poem?
Posted Oct 16, 2004
The pain of normal breathing
The satirical motion of life
For to presume breath signifies living
Could just as soon be to signify death
Death in every rising, death in every fall
A death unnoticed but for one
Death in every breath.
Pain unconquered again and again
Suffering in time, no motion to refrain
To think of ceasing needs one breathing
But breathing causes thoughts of ceasing.
And living becomes a cycle of cause and effect
That one cannot escape or smother
Lest one should forget
Discuss this Journal entry [35]
Latest reply: Oct 16, 2004
KAT loathes psychs...not just hates them
Posted Oct 12, 2004
Okay as we all know...the GP (dr bruce) wrote to the consultant psych (dr sheik) saying that I didnt want to see my psych (dr jaffer) anymore because the relationship is crap, i dont respect her and dont feel shes taking me seriously etc etc.
Sheik wrote back saying he didnt see a problem, I was technically under him and jaffer talks to him etc etc and he feels that Im getting the right support for the situation as he sees it. He didnt even MENTION the fact that Im STILL on the lowest dosage of anti-ds and it's NEVER been upped in 7 months.
SO...dr bruce wrote BACK to sheik saying he wasn't satisfied and he wanted a second opinion. By this time I had squodged under a car and sheik knew about this.
Sheik replied saying he didn't think i needed a second opinion and he wouldnt get me one and wants me to keep seeing jaffer.
Dr Bruce agreed with me that Ive given it a go, am not being unreasonable and have a right to be incrediably angry.
HOWEVER there's not a great deal he can do from a gp position. In his practice meeting he raised the issue and they all agreed that the nexzt thing to do was what he did.
He has sent all the letters and all my medical notes for this to my psychologist (lisa) who works at the same place as sheik. Hopefully she will see the problem and talk to sheik about it. I mean...it's quite obvious that I'm not getting the right treatment for the situation isn't it? The average person doesn't walk under a car so that they DON'T commit....maybe to try and commit but not so they DON'T!
My mother is INCREDAIBLY hopping spitting mad! I've never seen her so angry!
On other notes...I'm currently filing for incapacity and income support because I'm looking within the next 6 months to move out of home and move to Cambridge...yes my safe place. So I'm wallowing in a sea of forms and pondering why the deal with housing benefits seems to be....you find a place to live THEN we'll tell you how much money you get to pay for housing...
Discuss this Journal entry [12]
Latest reply: Oct 12, 2004
KAT update
Posted Oct 4, 2004
Well I just thought that I would update whats going on.
The skin graft is doing well...not nearly so gunky and evil now, however there's one bit which is like a ravine in my leg. VERY disconcerting, however Im going to see Mr Plastics on Wednesday and Im sure he'll say if it's awful. 
My wrist is completely fine and I ended up taking the cast off myself with a pair of scissors and my teeth whilst watching Erin Brockavich...which is just as well really as its perfectly fine and the orthopeadics guy didnt even know there was anything wrong with it in the first place!
On wednesday Im also supposed to be going to see the psychologist. I like her, shes called Lisa. The only problem is...I REALLY dont want to go. I dont know why. I think part of its just because I cant be bothered. I cant be bothered to get better, cant be bothered to pretend to other people that Im doing something that will help. I dont see how psychs are going to help me get better...in fact what is there TO get better? Ive always been like this...maybe im just meant to be like this...meant to be a bit of a failure who'll probably be dead at 25. I dont know! Whatever...
okay i guess you can tell Im not in the best of moods either 
I just feel crappy and its made worse by the fact that i KNOW that everyone feels bad sometimes and I just moan and make more of a fuss. In fact LOADS of people have it SO much worse than me and they arent sitting around fussing! People keep telling me that they have kept going when they feel bad because eg a baby depends on them... I SERIOUSLY think my baby would have died a long time ago.
I just feel bad for not getting on with it and not complaining. Its not as if I dont have enough food, or shelter or bombs going off or something. I just feel a bit crappy. In fact its all perfectly normal! Maybe this is just my level! Oh stuff it
Discuss this Journal entry [17]
Latest reply: Oct 4, 2004
Assassination Thread
Posted Sep 19, 2004
Nick is 18, she has blonde curly hair, a mam and a younger brother called Joe. She also has a grey fluffy cat called Sasha. She is paranoid and easily spooked. every weekday she takes the 7:17am train to Cambridge where she goes to college. She also then walks for 30 minutes. She is particularly good at music and spends all of her time playing the piano, whether at home or college.
Her house is in the middle of a nice street of terraced houses. Her bedroom is at the back with one medium sash window.
She can usually be found listening to Oasis, in her room, or playing the piano in the dining room.
The whole house has creaky wooden floor boards.
She particularly likes humus, or brie cheese.
She sings in a choir that meets on Tuesdays 20 mins walk from her house.
********
That should be enough. I will play Nick, and give information on surroundings.
She is currently at home, but has her best friend K round. They are in the dining room and K is playing the piano whilst Nick plays Freecell on the computer. This may be a good time to stake the place out.
Discuss this Journal entry [10]
Latest reply: Sep 19, 2004
Kat - From H2G2
Researcher U234368
Write an Entry
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."