h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It is usually me who cooks tea. Son #2 will do if I ask nicely and if it is something he knows how to cook. Son #1 hardly ever did, and my husband does maybe once a year - twice if I'm lucky.

About 30 minutes ago, I heard some noises from the kitchen. I thought it was my husband getting himself a cup of , but instead, he had made himself a couple of chicken .

Now I don't mind that, but I'm always amazed that any of the three males in the house is perfectly capable of preparing a meal FOR THEMSELVES. Never, ever, do they come and ask me whether I am hungry and would like to eat something, and could they prepare a few burgers for me as they're at it? NEVER EVER does any of them do that. I wonder why that is?
I sometimes wonder if I should do that, too, in the future. I can just prepare something to eat for me when I'm hungry - why do I bother about the rest of the family seeing as they don't give a damn when they are hungry? What did I do wrong?

When I got married first, both of us were working, so we did a week's cooking each. You get in the habit of checking what the other person wants.

Maybe they just don't realise. If they think it's okay to get themselves a meal, perhaps they just presume that you think the same thing.

As for doing something wrong, I sincerely doubt it. And just because something isn't right, doesn't mean it can't be put right with minimal fuss.

Of course, you could just start cooking for one and act suprised...

I really think it should be natural to check on the rest of the family if you are going to cook some meal. I am the only team player in the family, and I'm thoroughly fed up with that.

You are right. You should complain. Loudly. That's terribly inconsiderate.

Well, it's natural to me, I agree with you there. But if it were natural to them, they'd be doing it. Selfishness can often be lack of thought, rather than intentional.

The trouble is, do you want to rock the boat and speak out?

Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong? I don't complain loudly. It's not my nature do do that. Instead, I let off here.

Maybe that was supposed to be just a between-meals snack until the proper meal (which would have to be cooked by you, naturally)?

Hmmm, definitely smacks of selfishness on their part or just a total lack of consideration and common courtesey.


Do the same yourself one day and see what reaction you get.

What you do wrong is assuming that this is your shortcoming instead of theirs.

As for what you did wrong - yes, probably not complaining loudly. Or not training them properly

Ah! Mala, that is exactly what I wanted to say but utterly failed.

Cheers all.

Mala, you are right, of course, but naturally, I wonder why my sons are as inconsiderate as their dad in that regard. I'd put it down to their education having gone wrong at some point.

Maybe it's faulty wiring.

In my family, it was so ingrained that you always shared your food that my grandfather and uncles would practically force food on you if they were hungry.

In this way, I have been coerced into eating country ham, huckleberry cobbler, ice cream, watermelon...

My grandfather really wanted this huckleberry cobbler everybody had been too full to eat after supper. Nobody was home except me and my sister. So he fixed us each a dish of it. I ate mine, politely, but my sister didn't want to, and had to be cajoled.

I didn't realise what this was about until my grandmother came home and started shouting...

My grandfather had eaten the entire cobbler. Of course, he protested that we had all been hungry, and eaten it together.....he had also washed all the dishes...

My grandmother was not fooled...I laughed until I cried...my sister was outraged at this perfidy...

Inconsiderate b*st*rd

B'el - it's time you took them in hand. Sometimes people who do things like that genuinely don't even think to ask.

In your place I'd try a two pronged attack:

1) I would sit them down and tell them what selfish barstewards they are being

2) I would cease and desist ALL actions for them, from cooking, cleaning to washing and shopping.

I agree with Mala, totally. We look after them, as our duty and because we want to, but eventually they take us for granted so perhaps doing likewise and looking after just yourself for a while might give them a jolt. If not tell them straight. Rocking the boat is infinitely preferable to bottling it all up inside till you explode!

They need educating that wife and mother you may be, but you are not a slave or skivvy!



Websailor

Bel, I don't want to tell you how to do things - but don't you think it is about time you changed something? Yes, pick up your idea to do the same as they did, then they will realise that you don't like it....

Or really tell them off (which is a hard thing to do, I know)

...but if you do neither, it will never change (and they won't even realise something is bothering you)

A few weeks ago I told my boys to 'help themselves' to a drink if they were thirsty and boy did they A few less weeks later I pointed out to them that it might also be polite if they asked anyone else in the room if they would like one. The result? They now ask if anyone would like one - even if they can see full glasses/cups.


Worked for me.

it's the same old song, isn't it? about people not realising that society is not what it used to be?

tell them. if that doesn't w*rk tell them again. the impact of a thousand generations is not something you can get rid of easily