h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmmm, everybody from the UK being so nice -but so vague with the answers to harmless questions
I live in Germany

Why the Nothing wrong with Germany. I love your wines. At school I went on a school trip to Frieberg.I was 13. My two friends and I had a really great time. Also at 14 we went to Paris with the school.I am a sound engineer in radio.

Never heard of Frieberg, could it be that you mean either Freiburg in the Black Forest ( Baden- Württemberg ) or Friedberg in the Taunus ( Hessen ) quite near from where I live ?
Oh, and I love our wines too
The government is - but then so is yours
I went to Paris several times, last time when I was 25 - and you can bet that I had a great time
you solved the riddle for me, as I couldn't think of a job with nightshifts & access to a pc

Freiburg, that's the place. Never was much good at languages. Forgive me. As I say I was merely a schoolboy back then, but what I recall it was really a good holiday. I had two really good mates back then. A Canadian boy called Craig and another boy called Justin. Justin went to arigicultural college and sort of vanished we lost track. Craig married and lived in Bournemouth in England until he died of Cancer two years, but we still remained very firm firends. His wife and children still keep in touch and I often visit them. Craig & I were going to go to a beer festival one day, but never got around to it. A friend of mine speaks fluent German and goes often. He and his wife were there last year. I regret Craig and I never went back after the school days, but there was always pleanty of time, or so you think. I still have a photo of us in Apline hats, leather shorts and white socks. We did anything for a dare in those days, I think you do when you're 13, it's all just a laugh. It's only when you grow up you become self conscious

we used to wear leather shorts as kids, although I was born and raised high up in the north, but my mother was so fed-up with mending our trousers .I'm for your friend, and that you never went to the beer festival Btw, are you talking of the "Oktoberfest" in Munich ? I've never gone there - and probably never will- too expensive, watered , everybody and behaving like mad, thousands of people- really not the place to be for me

Yes the Oktoberfest. Your description of it, coming from a local, is very invaluable. Much better than brochures, which only want to sell yoiu something.

Oh, but perhaps I'm not very reliable, cause I've never been there myself, just heard rumours
Spent a few holidays near Freiburg though, and it really is a fantastic place to go, no matter whether you go in summer or in winter
Have been to England too and d it, am determined to spend my next summer holidays there

Perhaps I should add we did not dress like that all the time it was done as a dare.We all tried on various outfits and had our photos done wearing them.The country side was very beautiful.The people were helpful.I was struggling to learn the language, and they found my German very funny, but were prepared to help. There were some who were a bit stiffy, but most were fine. All I can recall now is how to count up to one hundred, and basic stuff like hello, good morning good day, good evening, how are you and where are you? Simple stuff like that.At 13 I was more interested in football, I think. Today I have no interest in football.We were called the three musketeers. Where you saw one, you saw the others. Justin was the one that was just there. Craig was the daredevil and I the planner. Enjoy your trip to England. I hope you do.I am a cockney from the Eastend of London

What I learned in school was, that cockney is a dialect no outsider would easily understand, with many glottal stops in words like butter ( bu er)
Somebody told me recently that cockney is a secret language and gave me some examples of how it works ( I fell down the apples and pears ), even gave me a website address
It's just great to chat to so many people, I've learned so many things
since I signed in
I went to London last October, but only for two days
Amazing how friendly and helpful everybody was, in a huge and busy city like that
best of all were the warnings on the roads though, telling you which direction to look
Considering the experiences I've made until now I just KNOW I will enjoy my next trip
I think it wasn't only your German that was funny, but your accent too , you'd certainly consider my accent very funny if ever you heard me talk

You say about warning signs, my favourite is a sign which read "Warning; Fork Lift Trucks look both ways." Under it some-one had written "Oh no they don't". And "These doors are alarmed" Under it some-one had written "No they're just slightly startled" and that oldie "Jesus Saves" And underneath it "Not on my salary he doesn't"

Cockney isn't really a secret language, it is rhythming slang. You wouldn't say apples and pears, but merely apples.
Example
Taking a ball of chalk down the frog and toad to the rubba dub dub for a pigs ear, you know the one it's next door to the OXO cube. I'll put up me plates of meat and read the linen's draper.
Way of saying it
Talking a ball down the frog to the rubba for a pigs. You know the one next door to the OXO. I'll put up me plates and read the linen.
Translation
I shall take a walk down the road the the pub for a beer. You know the one it's next door to the tube (metro) station. I'll put up my feet and read the newspaper.
Hope this makes sense.

Well - the translation does Perhaps it was me adding the pears, because that's how my German brain works and doing all these association games it would be the right thing to do
I'll have to reread that mail, then I could post you the link
It's really fascinating but way too high for me, same with English crosswords
The warnings are great, and the comments too, I'm sure you'd find similar ones here, only I can't recall them, and anyway, it's nearly impossible to translate them without the joke being lost, I once tried on the jokes thread - wasn't successful, never did it again, but I still enjoy reading them

I love playing with words.I used to tie a friend of mine up by treating everything he said literally and changing meanings and so.
I liked the radio annoucer who innocently announced that they were holding a mass debate, or the line of dialogue in the play where they were discussing a recipe "I'm sure the women will enjoy giving it to their husbands tonight" I've got a dirty mind and that set me off. I've always had a wicked sense of humour. I was standing next to a woman on a train when her mobile received a text and bleebed. I looked at her and said "Is that your pacemaker or mine?" My friend said I should've suddenly gasped and keeled over clutching my chest.

A sports reporter once told the audience of a skiing contest: Tausende standen an den Hängen und Pisten (same pronunciation as: pissten )meaning :" thousands of people stood near the slopes and ski runs" but was understood as they all pissed .
See now what I meant when I said it's nearly impossible to translate?
But prey, go on with your examples, I'm all in tears now for laughing so much!

Years ago trains used to have the sign which read "Do Not Lean Out Of The Window" In France we translated the sign as reading; "Out of the window do not be putting yourself"

I think in the older trains here the signs still read: do not lean out of the window
I'm off now, hungry boys to feed, see you later

Thank you for the pleasure of your company. My mother was only a little lady and I an 6 foot. We were in s upermarket. She pointed to a top shelf. "Can you reach that?," she asked. "Yes." I replied. She hit me.

Hi
Didn't understand that one , twisted my brain during the whole morning, but no ...
Found the mail though, and the website is : <./>http://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk</.>

Thanks for ther mail about slang.
As to the joke. She wanted to know if I could lift something down from a high shelf she could not reach. But she said instead, can you reach that? So of course as I could I said yes.
There was an advert for British Airways which read;
Breakfast in Lndon. Dinner in New York. Under it had been written Luggage in Hong Kong.

seems to be the same with Lufthansa, my friend waited for her luggage for more than a week last time she went to the USA.
Last year was the first time i took a plane, but had only small luggage, so no risk to lose it.

I have been going abroad since I was 10. I love flying. I have had no real trouble with luggage. Going to Kenya, my girlfriend had someone slash her case at the airport. It came up on the conveyor belt with a tear in it. Nothing was missing. My other friend who was with us is a police man in England guessed. He hurtled the belt and went back behind the belt and caught the man concerned. Quite an experience. Nothing ordinary ever happens to me. You can bet if I go somewhere, something is going to happen. My girl friend and I went to a Greek restaurant. They said come back in 30 mins, we went down the road and ended up in a fish and chip shop. There a man approached us and said he recognised Colleen from school. He hadn't seen her for so many years. It turned out a really nice evening with him introducing us to his wife and grandkids. We have met up with them since. Whiler in malta I met an ex nieghbour. But to return, I do enjoy flying.

TONY