Journal Entries
Based on a true story
Posted Aug 10, 2003
Once upon a time there was a princess. She couldn’t sleep, she had tried everything but to no avail. Well, she though, if I can’t sleep I may as well do something usefull. So she contacted her friend capin’ Jack:
“Arr”
“Good sir, do you want to go and aquire some treasure in a gentlemanly manner?”
“Arr! Aharr”
“An old suitor of mine told me that he had to leave some treaure to be found in the catacombs, under the pirate haven, that we visited last month”
“Arr, but is not thar caves guarded by…the evil eye of orms by gore!”
“Oh he told me how to get past the evil eye of orms by gore”
“Aharr! Lets be going then”
So off they went, travelling towards the secret entrance to the catacombs. While they were surrounded by outcroppings behind which a guardian could easily hide they trusted to her eyes and his ears that they would not be discovered. The enterance took some forcing to open, but eventually despute years of rust (which had somehow built up since they were there a month or so ago) it came open. They peered into the blackness,
“Should we not shut the door behind us, the guardians could find it”
“Its too damn heavy and my fingers hurt”
“Arr mine too”
And so they forged ahead into the catacombs, the moss growing on the walls emitting an eerie light, they clambered through the vertical stalagtmites which infested the catacombs until they came across their first obstacle. A vast lake.
“Oh dear, its big and wet, we shall have to turn back!”
“Arr, never! I want that treasure, look ‘tis only a few inches deep – we can walk across”
“oh”
And so they walked across the vast, yet very very shallow lake and continued into the catacombs until they came to the dreaded tunnel of the evil eye of orms by gore
“Arr, if the evil eye of orms by gore sees us the guardians will come”
“I do belive that they live very nearby, we shall have to be carefull”
“Arr Aharr, I will find it!”
“Don’t be ridiculous you don’t know what your doing, just stay out of the way”
And so Jack watched as the princess edged along the wall looking for the evil eye of orms by gore. Suddenly she stopped and pointed. The evil eye of orms by gore was resting above the left hand wall, its green veins indiating that our intrepid adventurers had not been seen.
“Follow me”
And so the princess lead the way, on her hands and knees under the evil eye of orms by gore’s vision. She slipped between the stalagmites with ease. Captin’ Jack followed with much more difficulty, having been skipping on proper food and excersise as a result of spending the last year in the pirate haven. Eventually they were passed, and they looked up with baited breath, the evil eye of orms by gore was still green. They had defeated the guardian.
And so they continued, deeper into the catacombs. Breifly they thought they were lost, but they found that some kindly traveller had etched a map into the cave wall and they were back on track. Until finally they came upon the area where the princesses old suitor had concealed the treasure.
“He said they were around here somewhere, lets get looking”
And so they searched and searched and searched, but to no avail. The treasure was nowhere to be seen. The princess found the trappings of the architechts who constructed these caverns and thought the treasure lost to them. Still they searched, then they sat down to rest, the princess noticing Jacks lantern asked about it
“I say, you do appear to have brought a lantern”
“Arr! We needed one last time and we didn’t have it”
“Well why didn’t you tell em about it”
“Aharr! I’ve been using it for the past hour – how did you not notice”
“That’s it! I’m sending a homing pidgeon to my old suitor to see if he can tell us where it is”
“Haar! You think a pidgeon can navigate these here tunnels?”
“Look, mine can – but it has no pidgeon food, so it seems we are lost”
“Aharr, did ye not know you can use plastic as pidgeon food”
“I can! Why I say it worked, the pidgeon is going”
And so they waited for the pidgeon to return, and waited, and waited. But the pidgeon did not return.
“Damn, my ex suitor must be asleep! Oh well we’ll have to come back later”
“D’arr”
And so they left dedjectedally. But on the way home they found a wondering merchant. And they traded him shiny things for minstrels. And they ate the minstrels and there was much rejoicing. And they got home and went to bed.
And they lived happily ever after.
Discuss this Journal entry [22]
Latest reply: Aug 10, 2003
An illusion doubly so
Posted Aug 5, 2003
This lunchtime I sat down and had fish&chips in a reputable sounding establishment 'Mr Chip' Having consumed my fish I felt I couldn't finish my chips. I turn to the lady next to me:
"Excuse me"
"Yes"
"I have some chips here that I don't want - do you want them?"
"What?"
"I can't eat any more chips, you can have them if you want, otherwise I'll throw them away"
"I beg your pardon!"
"You can have these chips, for no money, if you want them"
"Never talk to anyone like that again"
[I sigh say my apologies throw the chips away and leave]
"What did he say?"
"He said he'd throw my chips away if I did't give him some money"
...
Is it that hard to belive that someone would give something away in this day and age? Is it more common for people to wonder around chip shops threatening to throw peoples food away if they don't pay them?
I dispair.
Then I find a shop selling sweets at wholesale prices - £5 and a full bag later my faith in the world is reestablished.
Funny time, lunchtime.
Discuss this Journal entry [28]
Latest reply: Aug 5, 2003
So close yet so far
Posted Aug 3, 2003
Rats that nearly got me to the top of the longest postings list. I'm on it regularly, but I have never managed the top spot to my knowlage. Since I would have to get another 1000 words on average I think I'll have to make do with second and sabotage my chances of getting beyond that with this diddy-post (tm)
Discuss this Journal entry [7]
Latest reply: Aug 3, 2003
Trip to london
Posted Aug 3, 2003
Nah not the meet. I was there, but I was also offline for at least a month afterwards so I forgot what happened before I got to my journal. I have vauge recollections of getting a pen and a t-shirt, having someone try to take my clothes off, meeting a someone who looked like a nice guy and turned out to be a nutter and Zagreb, who looks like a nutter but turned out to be a nice guy :P also I played more sports than I have done in years and tried to assasinate paper amy (but fortunately nobody noticed) However my memory is poor at the best of times and I think I may have repressed much of it.
The trip I'm talking about was to see Farrah & Matt for their engagement party. Things started badly as virgin cancelled my train...and the one after...and the one after that...and the one after that. Finally on the fifth train I was on my way. Fortunately I had planned to be several hours early (As I didn't trust the public transport system) so I only ended up being an hour or so late.
It was worth it though! I hadn't seen Farrah in nearly long enough and I had a great time catching up. I also got to meet their (Farrah&Matts) friends from back home, which was fun. I was in the unusual situation whereby I liked everyone I met & they seemd to tolerate me. Normally I end up fighting with at least *one* person - but all was well for once 
I found people playing table tennis, but since they seemed to be having an easy time of it instigated a new game wherby people end up running round the table. From there it evolved so that the bats were thrown rather than passed between players and obstacles were positioned to make running more hazordus. I'm one of these people who should not be allowed to have a hand in organising *anything*
I like chaos > : )*
The only problem was that I kept running into people who claimed to have met me before (Some up to five times) whom I really didn't recognise - I knew who they were after talking for a bit, but I really do need to develop some facility for memorising names and/or faces. Still nobody took offence, most people who meet me notice the state of my mind quite quickly and realise it isn't personal.
I said I liked everyone and I did - but there were some people I liked a *lot* namely Mark and Chrissy and someone whos name I've forgotten and face I can just about call to mind who will hereafter be reffered to as Bob. Mark&Bob challanged my views on religion, theres nothing I like more than getting into a good theological debate at a party 
They had some interesting views and have given me a lot to think about. I may even be forced to admit that the mind is a seperate entity to the body, but I won't be pushed into thinking that this doesn't mean I can't manufacture one. I had what we thought was an interesting discussion on some points of psychology (concerning the theory of mind) with Chrissy. Then we looked up and realised that we had reduced a group of 6 to a group of 2 with our discussion, ah well we had fun. All this and running off along the usual tangents of temporal inaccuracies and inverting people. Followed by several games, incliding the animal game in which 'rabbit' learned my name as 'squirrel' and couldn't remeber my real name. I don't mind, I've returned the favor.
That was the first four hours or so. I was then asked to sleep with all the blokes in Matts living room+, but declined. This was because I have been told I argue with myself in my sleep. I can't ascertain whether this is true or not because I'm normally asleep at the time. I guess I will have to leave the penguin on record.
The morning after the night before I was grumpy and had a headache. I know what your thinking, but I don't drink. The problem was that as someone who is used to rising when the clock reads 'pm' I was agrovated at being woken when it reads 'am' not only that but it was SINGLE-DIGIT AM. > : ( ) I resolved to glare at everyone until it was at least 10. I told them so, as such there was a 10 second count down at 9:59:50. After which I bounded out of my chair and hastened the organisation of our trip to the natural history museum.
The NHM was all very exciting. Nice to see adults pushing kids out of the way to play with the toys Farrah also found the source of my relationship problems:
Machine "Press the button lightly, feel the vibrations and decided whether it is a fly or another spider"
Greg "Fly"
Machine "It was a mate, if you eat your mate then all of their courting was wasted"
Farrah "Thats it! You can't tell the difference between women and food"
Well then, problem solved. Content with my new knowladge of the world of food vs mates we wondered back to Farrahs house where I managed to convince someone they had the wrong number bay ansering their phone in my best office voice "hello, said residence this is gregory carslaw speaking how may I direct your call" It turned out to be Farrahs sisters boyfriend who was currently in the doghouse. Ahh well, mebbe its not such a bad thing not to be in a relationship right now. Got more of a chance to catch up and was fed (always a bonus for a student)
Finally we went out to a plub. This was a real downside, I had enjoyed myself so thourghly that I thought nothing could make me regret going. I was right of course, I always am but only just. Let me explain, that wasn't I typeover a bit back I meant plub. It is a new, high-uka`, word I have created. It describes the sort of place that has all of the drawbacks of a pub and all of the drawbacks of a club combined with the benefits of neither. There was nowhere to sit, the music (I am told) was abysmal - certainly it was lound enough people were yelling into each others ears, it was boring and as a t-totaler I couldn't even try to sedate myself. They also searched my bag for weapons - good thing I decided against the katana. As usual I was IDed as usual I had no ID as usual they let me in anyway. They made me promise I would being ID next time, this I gladly did since I would sooner shoot myself in the head with a HMG loaded with .50 DU rounds~ than go back there. The whole experinece has left me more traumatised than Rocky horror did and has done irrepairable damage to peoples attempts to make me go clubbing.
Still the evening was saved, I went back with Chrissy, Farrah and Matt all of whos company I enojoy immensly. Again discussing vaugly implausable but nonetheless interesting ideas culminating in a civilisation emerging from under a carpark with a more advanced space program than ours. Spent the evening with Farrah and came back here in the morning (Virgin redirected my train again making it take an extra hour to get back)
Still even with the trains and the plub it has been one of the most enjoyable experiences of my recent life and I fully intend to repeat it when I get the chance.
* [Since h2g2 has taken a dislike to my arachnic smilies, converting just parts of them, I am having to space the characters out]
+ [No not like that, dirty minds, I dunno]
`uka - a word me and Andrew made up to finish a game of scrabble. "The finetic pleasingness of made up words, e.g. Fantabulous can be said to have high-uka or good uka whereas gnjidnhgtrhgjnewjhgjiernmkdngji has bad uka"
~If you want some idea of how bad that is .50 is a big calibre bullet HMG stands for 'heavy machine gun' and DU stand for 'Depleated Uranium' Don't like pubs, don't like clubs HATE plubs.
Discuss this Journal entry [8]
Latest reply: Aug 3, 2003
I aintnt dead
Posted Jul 24, 2003
Much to the disapointment of anyone I've had the misfortune to meet -Im back online (at last). Now with added broadband
Ach all my conversations have been dead at least a week. Oh well time to rebuild.
Discuss this Journal entry [223]
Latest reply: Jul 24, 2003
Back to Acid Override - The Forum A1146917's Personal Space Home
Acid Override - The Forum A1146917
Researcher U222477
Write an Entry
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."