h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yep, that's a good one, real good one.

So reporter asks Bush, "Why do you wear that leather jacket?"

And Bush replies, "Because I used to be a fighter pilot on Vietnam."

"But I heard you never went to Vietnam."

"Well, I was serving during the Vietnam War Era so I could have gone."

"But I heard that's why you joined the National Guard So you wouldn't go."

"No, I joined the National Guard because I knew that someday my country would call me to fulfill a higher mission leading the global war on terrorism."

"I heard that too."

"You did? Who told you."

"One of the terrorists."

"Which one."

"Rumsfeld."

"Rummy? He's not a terrorist."

"Where did you hear that?"

"He told me himself."

"But I heard you never asked him."

"No, I didn't think it was necessary. He's above reproach."

"Who's reproach."

"Why, any civilized person."

"Any?"

"Yes, any!! Next question."

"Why did you attack Iraq again?"

"To combat global terrorism of course."

"I heard it was to secure American oil interests."

"Well, even if that's true, oil makes America strong to combat global terrorism."

"I heard it was to line your pockets."

"That's preposterous!"

"No more than you wearing that leather jacket."

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?

MEN tal illness
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist....

And when we have real trouble, it's a

HIS terectomy.

now that school's about to start here's a test you ought to take:

http://webpages.charter.net/hkirtley/stress/

Okay, I see the dolphin but what's that thing on the left with the flippers?

...devolution...

Yep, but I was expecting a hippo for some reason. Hah!!

wait, you do know cows and dolphins are cousins right, genetically, etc.?

hippos, ah yes, very dangerous, very special especially how they use their tails to spin their shit all over the river ... so as to sustain their very local eco systems.

I remember, just like today, being a few arms length away from a family of hippo, enjoying the Zambizi River, just a little upstream from Mosi-o-tunya.

Actually I read that dolphins and other whales are most closely related to the hippo not the cow although both have even number hooves. That's probably why the dolpins don't have horns.

ah come on girl, don't be a joke killer...

here check out the stuff at this link; look particularly at the bottom of the page and the last table and paragraphs for info on the matter ... 'k'?

Joke killer?!!! Oh yeah?!!!

Well get this!

The real reason dolphins don't have horns is because they prefer string instruments okay? And the reason they prefer strings is because when they blow their horns they sink to much. However, not just any string instrument will do. They much prefer dulcimers because they can finger them easier with their fins than 12 string guitars.

Now guess what instrument hippos prefer?

I prithee, do tell, I must hear, please, pretty please, with honey on top!!

I am out of it, big time, forgot all about the link, here you go:

www.mad-cow.org/moly_phylo.html

Inspired by what I see ... picture this, Asscrap as a stand up comic:

"I've been rolling back civil liberties ... you wouldn't believe how tired my arms are."

"raise your hand if you hate the government ... okay, you're under arrest! ... don't you just hate when that happens?"

Okay, a hippo prefers any instrument it wants. You got a problem with that? Probably not I bet. Hah!

I like Ashcrap's routine very much. Is it yours or did you borrow from somebody?

borrowed and just slightly modified ... from a comic strip, check it out: 'La Cucaracha,' I think is its name. political, ethnic, yet universal in its messages, kinda in the same vein as 'Boondocks,' maybe even - at times - 'Non Sequiter.'

I will check "La Cucaracha" out

(sharing)
WOMAN THAT READ

A couple go on vacation to a fishing resort in northern ____.

The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn.

The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a fisheries patrol officer in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am.

What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking "isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing; I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the fisheries rep.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment."

why is it we get at odds with each other wing when we meet almos always and when our understandings are so close? ... it does matter.

I don't feel that way about you, Kyaa. Recently for the first time maybe I've sort of thought of you more as an ally than an invader, this despite your persistance in trying to get at my family stuff.

Part of it though you bring on yourself with your reticense about discussing your own family and your abstractions about who you are. But I let it go by now. It's not as important as the debate or the message that gets reviewed sooner or later by those who say very little but maybe are thinking a lot now in ways they might not have thought before.

I probably talk too much too. It's just how I am I guess, talk, talk, talk, but it probably entertains somebody a little. It entertains me after all.

please will you let me know what you mean "I don't feel that way about you..." I wonder how I should understand it and I certainly don't want to misunderstand it. I know I need to understand it a certain way but do not know enough to understand it that need makes it so. So, please do tell?

I do not disagree about your familial constructs. It is other assertions that I am unable to see as just or caring, I think, to which I almost always raise an objection ... most often too assertive perhaps.

no you don't talk to much, and if you do, it spreads light ... for the most part, anyway.

I simply meant I don't feel we're at odds all the time when we meet and draw close. We're different that's all. There's nothing wrong with being different, that's what I mean.