h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Meet the Palindromes

Bob and Nan loved Siris City the first time they went there. They bought a former residence for nuns and opened a Mom and Pop store. Then Bob got a job designing rotors. Nan stayed home to care for little Hannah, Anna, and Otto. Soon she was busy providing bibs for her tots.

As the kids grew older, they fought. Otto annoyed his sisters, who called him a boob and a kook. On Platitude Day, Hannah won applause for "A man, a plan, a canal, Panama." Not to be outdone, Otto said "Able was I ere I saw Elba" in his most Napoleonic voice. In Bible School, he starred in the pageant. "Madam, I'm Adam," he said to Eve, who was played by Ava Neven.

One day when he was in the band room, Otto picked up a horn and gave it a toot. He was hooked! he soon had a gig, and went on an overseas tour. The ship sank, stranding him on a desert isle. he hoped to be rescued. After all, he had sent an SOS.

Growing up on his father's ranch, Arnold had learned that Wyoming was
a bad place to live if you weren't prepared. This meant sharp knives and industrial-grade refrigeration when your cattle froze to death in the field. It meant regular upkeep of the storm shelter. Tornadoes were bad enough, but finding that coyotes had gotten into the beer was intolerable.

The ranch belonged to Arnold now. Daddy's last words of advice had been "If something unexpected happens, just go with the flow." This was one of those times. Inexplicably, the cattle in the south pasture had been turned into tuna fish. Some of them were still trembling on the ground.

Arnold stood in the field wondering what Daddy would do. Then he sent out the word to every sushi bar within 100 miles. They would pay top dollar. Heck, he might even get rich from this. He didn't envy the fishing boat that came upon his cattle in mid-ocean, though. How were they *ever* going to explain all the beef in their hold?

Cthulhu.

A Lovecraftian explanation?

My very strange dream

At night as I looked out from the eighth floor of our family’s apartment flat in Grays, I shouted to my parents and my sister Eileen to come and look out of the living room window at the sky.

It looked very strange, as the moon was a lot closer to Earth than usual, as well as the other stars and planets.

Another thing I noticed that all of the other flats, houses and streets were completely empty apart from my other sister Margaret and her family who I had seen come it her car and park it in the completely abandoned council car park.

A spaceship landed in the car park where some very eccentrically dressed aliens came out holding various types of tri-corders telling us that it was imperative that we come aboard as our lives depended on it.

We came aboard and we soon landed on the moon, which had many types of traditional British village buildings that was waiting its new occupants as I watched other spaceships from Earth land.

Does that mean Britain is claiming the Moon as a part of her empire?

As the majority of Brits are by the general consensus of the remainder of the world (such as it is) lunatic, I believe that under intergalactic law we do have a prior claim.

Two Stargates appear on the moon's surface connecting North America and Russia to the moon, while the rest of the Terran inhabits are being beamed to the 28 replicas of the Enterprise J http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/USS_Enterprise_%28NCC-1701-J%29 which are docked in the Earth's atmosphere or the moon gigantic starbase.

Other inhabitants are re-creating their own reality where they find indoor home lifts that take them down to several miles to abandoned railway subways connected to large disused shopping malls which also take them eery high streets (permanently night time)
with possessed treble decker buses attacking each other with their giant mouths.

Other inhabitants have the sudden urge to travel down their indoor lifts to find their replicas of the interior of their homes where they are put in a cryogenic stasis when they go to bed and awake several thousand years later in a futuristic abandoned world.

(It is based on my many very strange dreams I have)

By the by did you know the Earth has a 'second moon', a small asteroid out in L4.

http://io9.com/5825269/earths-first-known-trojan-asteroid-follows-our-orbit-like-a-second-earth

Jenkins was in trouble. He could this by the way the Boss was glaring at him. Clenched fists and extreme redness around the neck were other clues.

"Why was I not told about this?" the Boss bellowed, thrusting a newspaper article in front of Jenkins' face. The article told of calamitous doings that might topple the company.

"We sent Higgins with a message for you, sir," Jenkins said, "as per your instructions. The moon was full, so we knew you would not be asleep in your bed at home. Higgins was told to go to Werewolf Rock."

Suddenly the Boss went pale. He gave Jenkins the paper and sat at his desk, his eyes brimming with tears. Jenkins saw a companion article about the death of Higgins. A photo showed fang marks in his neck.

"Bloodfang must not have realized what our arrangement was," the Boss said quietly. "I played handball with him this morning before work, and he seemed to be choking on a wad of paper that was caught in his throat. That would have been the message. Well, we'll need to change the procedure. Next time, tie the message to Chester's collar and send him instead..."

"But Chester's just a collie," Jenkins objected. "The wolves will tear him apart."

"He's Bloodfang's cousin, and he speaks the same dialect," the Boss said. "And now, if you'll excuse, me, I need to shut the windows in my car. It's begun raining."

"How do you know that, sir?" Jenkins asked.

"Mrs. Pritzer has just turned into a duck..."

Moby Duck!!!

The Strangest Sci-fi Comic/Fantasy-Con Conventions

"Welcome dear Doctor Who fans, this is and many Doctor Who Conventions and local meetings around the world will be transmitting various frequencies through the Doctor Who merchandise and showings of previous episodes, films and TV/radio interviews which will turn all fans into Galilfreyan Time Lords and Time Ladies.", said the very excited Convention organiser Joanne Smith.

But it did not stop there as there were various Star Wars, Harry Potter and Marvel conventions going on close by and they hijacked the Doctor Who transmissions which changed all those effected including those watching YouTube videos began to mutate and evolve into super Galilfreyans with Jedi, magical and mutant powers which also made them extremely eccentric as they spouted out extremely confusing and complicated technobabble to all those around them.

"There are reports coming from throughout the world which also include parallel earths of people who have gained a wide range of superpowers and those who have been effected have gained superior vitality, athletic prowess, muscular flexibility and youthfulness.", said Captain Erisa Magambo to Doctor Martha Jones who looked surprise as she told that there was an added dimension to this superpower phenomenon any who had contact with the Doctor even if they were one of many people in a crowd or even come across images or stores about have had their DNA completely changed and along with their superpowers have become Gallifreyan with all the knowledge and experiences of a Time Lady or Time Lord.

"Captain Vimes, there is a Doctor Who here to see you," said Carrot. "He's on the first floor."

"Who's on first" Sam Vimes said. "What's his name again?"

"No, What's on second...."

The sanctuary was hushed when he entered. Early morning light filtered through long-unwashed windows and faded curtains. He lifted up the sacred lid, poured the holy water into the opening, and reached for the sacramental basket, remembering to line it with filter paper of the finest provenance. He lovingly measured rich, earthy powder into the basket assembly. Then he poured milk into the ceremonial chalice, placed it on the altar, and pushed the button. Within seconds, he could hear the heavenly choir singing "drip, drip, drip."

Someday I may come face to face with god, if there is one, he thought. For now, though, I will make do with coffee.

"Doctor River Song is it true that the Doctor revealed his name to you, and if so will you reveal it to me?".

"Well Captain Magambo, would not you like to sweetie' but it is a very strange and unusual name for human ears and it is Tsihiegtmaa."


Next story will reveal how Stargate Commands learns that Senator Kinsey is a member of the Ferengi Alliance and Thor and all of the members of the Asgard have been transformed into Marvel Superheroes.

"We have had a communique from both the International Space Station and from NASA and the European Space Agency that gigantic space ships have appeared orbiting a gigantic space station; at the same time world governments have reported that all their nuclear arsenal and other weapons of mass destruction have mysteriously disappeared.", said a rather bewildered look General Hammond to members of the SG1 and the Tok'ra.

"The Tok'ra believe that the two incidents are related and that we have monitored these spaceships for anything sign of life and we have sent many messages but we have not had any reply from them., also their are reports that Asgard have completely changed and now they resemble the Asgard members of the Avengers Alliance", said Jacob Carter to all those attending the emergency briefing.

"The images that we are getting from various orbiting satellites are rather confusing as they all have the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-J) on all of the 442 spaceships and it seems that they are replicating at a massive rate.", Major Carter is suddenly started to see Thor appear but not as he usually appears but as a Marvel comic book character.

"We have very strange reports from other Asgard but this is about the replicators as they have turned into humans and three of them have turned into androids and the rest have been deactivated and have come inanimate pieces of metal; we ourselves have all become humans."

Space travel throughout the universe stopped suddenly. The reason turned out to be Mrs. McPhee's recipe for gingerbread spaceship. No one knows why she decided to bake them, but everyone agreed that they had never tasted anything so delicious before. Soon gingerbread was being universally used for spaceship design throughout the universe. This had, as its result, numerous incidents in which mobs of people ran onto launchpads and grabbed chunks of gingerbread. There wasn't enough ship left for an actual trip into space....

"I have started to notice unusual symptoms, this morning I felt a warm tingling feeling throughout my body and filled with knowledge and understanding that I never had before such as building a real lightsaber and being able to speak various Tauri and languages.", said Teal'c looking towards Colonel O'Neill in a rather puzzled way.

"I was going to say something but I thought I was imagining things until I built my very own Star Trek phaser." said looking around at everyone waiting for the next reaction.

"I don't know how to say this but the sick bay has completely changed and looks exactly like the one on the Enterprise D and I keep on getting interrupted by a holographic doctor who looks exactly like Richard Woosley along with Colonel Simmons who keeps on insisting that he is omnipotent but so far he only has done is give me headache whilst Richard Woosley keeps on asking to state the nature of the medical emergency.", said a very frustrated and bewildered Doctor
Fraiser.