h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ode in honour of the memory of William McGonnagal

Oh government, that man set up
To ease his social interactions,
And make safe his progeny from all foes,
And secure his property.

Now are you become the ogre
That sits in judgement, and interferes
With every thought and action I am taking
From workplace, playing field and bedroom.

But I am held in thrall by you
For alternatives there are none.
All I ask is are there kippers still for tea,
Now that we cannot smoke indoors?

An Oh! for Winter

Its cold - my blood runs slow
my head - is held captive int the snow
the edge - of reason where they should be toes
my nose - is a font of sniffles Doh!
whats more - my fresh new clothes have an unfresh odour

A masochist's list of today's things to do

1) Don't smoke before noon
2) Invite yourself for coffee at a nice friend's place
3) Wince, howl and practice turning yourself into a disgrace
4) After supper, when you finally walk home, don't look up at the moon

5) Before your head hits the pillow, think of the all things you've done wrong
7) blame yourself for events you're responsible for long before you were born
8) go to the fridge: binge eat and grab a bottle once more
9) kill every image of yourself as being happy and strong

10)

myk6629129 and Jabs

My animal totem

One night I went into a very deep sleep,
no sound did I make not even one peep.
I dreamt that I was by a moon-lit lake,
although I was sleep I felt I was still wide awake.
I saw two wolves merrily playing on a bridge,
watching as I drank my steaming hot beveridge.
I was filled with awe and wonder at the sight,
as the wolves who were bathed in the glorious moonlight.
The wolves began to howl a beautiful tune,
through their presence I felt I could commune.
They imparted me their words of wisdom and advice,
which was very precise and concise.
Asking me to spread their message of love and peace,
and that harmony and respect for nature must increase.
That only by being one with nature will we have true peace.

Lines Written In A San Francisco Bar


I was having such a gay time

But where were the girls? Where had they gone to?

Someone whispered in my ear

And I was gone, too!

I've nothing against gay people, but this is a true story. Except I didn't even finish my first drink! The bar was very dark and quite full, obviously a picking-up point.

Jabs

I did that once in a bar next to a theatre in the West End of London. I was on my own. Nobody tried to chat me up. I was very relieved.....and a little disappointed.

Jabs

pebbledrook

Thanks myk




Jabs

Your welcome Jabs

Nice one, Jabs

I've been searching for happiness
And haven't found a bit
On every single* search engine
I've failed to make a hit

But I know if I keep searching
Until the bitter end
Before my micro goes too soft
I may find a virtual friend

*Or perhaps that should be 'singles'?

Thanks, WFAT




Gilbert+Sullivan: HMS Pinafore (Excerpt)

Sir Joseph's Song -( or How To Win Friends and Influence People!)

Sir Joseph.
When I was a lad I served a term
As office boy to an Attorney's firm.
I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor,
And I polished up the handle of the big front door.

Chorus.
He polished up the handle of the big front door.

Sir Joseph.
I polished up that handle so carefullee
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

Chorus.
He polished up that handle so carefullee,
That now he is the ruler of the Queen's Navee!

Sir Joseph.
As office boy I made such a mark
That they gave me the post of a junior clerk.
I served the writs with a smile so bland,
And I copied all the letters in a big round hand.
Chorus.
He copied all the letters in a big round hand.

Sir Joseph.
I copied all the letters in a hand so free,
That now I am the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

cHORUS
He copied all the letters in a hand so free,
That now he is the Ruler of the Queen's Navee! :

Felix Mendelssohn, of talent exponential,
Established a grant for those with potential.
A student named Sullivan won this fine prize.
With Gilbert, his partner, he opened many eyes.

O Captain! my Captain! I fear the game is up
You’ve blown what little chance you had of lifting the World Cup
If the unexpected happens and England pull it off
‘Twill be the hand of Ferdinand that holds the cup aloft
You’ve lost the cherished armband
And sponsorship, to boot
And some suspect that you’re most vexed
By losing all that loot

O Captain! my Captain! They’ve heard whom you’ve been screwing
And football fans throughout the land (outside the Bridge) are booing
Away from home, where’er you roam, the crowds will jeer and bay
You must expect hostile receptions when you play away
But football fans are fickle
And with the wind will bend
They’ll cheer you in South Africa
If you keep up your end

I was not gunna write any more of this stuff
I thought to myself, nah, stuff, that's enough
But the wild world of words is a troublesome thing
And the pressure inside sometimes cause you to sling
The odd couplet or two on a helpless blank page
Willy nilly it seems, and perhaps there's a stage
Where you think..that's not too bad!..and I think
Best stop now, I feel better, and it's time for a drink.

My little sister reads comic books
I always tell her not to look
at them because they are so bad
But then she gets angry and then she gets mad

So glad you're keeping the flag flying in these difficult times.
Amelia sends her regards.

Brommapojkarna

What reasons to live in Brommapojkarna
When I could sunbathe on a beach near to Ghana
Recline on a sofa with a young maid named Alana
Or dress in sombrero and natty bandana
Sipping chilled wine in a shady cabana
Not your standard bodega but one in Havana
Listening to music by Carlos Santana

What reasons to live in Brommapojkarna
When I could be romancing Scarlett in Savannah
Up to no good in Baton Rouge Louisiana
Or hugging Carmelita in hot Mexicana
Drinking glasses of iced rum tropicana
At least its not cold like it is in Montana
Though the girls are warm hearted in Americana.

Please defragment

Do you want to archive old items?
To start, click "Yes".
There are unused icons on your desktop,
To clear them, click here.
Delete your temporary files.
Uninstall unused applications.
You have 20,000 excess fragments.
To improve performance, click "Start".

Ah yes, my heart is fragmented.
Don't ask me to archive your file,
Tucked away in its own little folder:
C:\friends\love that could not be\
Encrypted.
Password-protected
To prevent unauthorized access.
Gathering digital dust.

Open Explorer.
Look again.
Date last accessed: just a second ago.