h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sorry to hear your furball is sick JEllen hope she gets well soon..

Poor Micio; and Poor JEllen 'cos it seems to me often the parent suffers more in these cases.

At this end; i think the best i can do is copy the email i just sent to my RL friend Helen:

<<<I was desperate to get you round here "just popping in" 'cos his nibs has been in Ultra Hissy Fit Mode after David's departure; is doing Heavy Duty Re-Establishing of Territory like you wouldn't believe.

The final straw was I Touched His Trousers so he had to take them off, along with the supportive knickers i bought him & wash them; hang them in the window "I am HERE!" & sit here in a Tshirt of mine with his bits on display to the world (this is the man who claims he is "pudique" ie "prudish".)

It would have made my bloody day to see the look of horror on his face if you turned up & obliged him to stand up & give you a kiss.

Too late, he's in the shower now & has kidnapped my pyjama bottoms.

My sodding student hasn't turned up. I really really needed that money.

I went out & bought beer at overpriced prices for his holiness, on my return he demanded the non alcoholic beer with added vodka 'cos the ones i bought weren't cold enough. He got told to F off & had a beer thrown at him. He is at least now cleaning up the mess made by my fits of utter frustration at his idiocy; a side benefit is that due to his Obsessive Compulsive Stuff he usually cleans up more than the chaos i create.

But "I am Not Your Portugese Maid."

No dear, & i will try & refrain from calling you an ineffective gigolo more than once a day.

Apparently i am mad. Depends on your definition of mad really.

Terri xxx

NAH! can't believe that, your as sane as we areI am!

Terri, see viking 1 and viqueen

http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys_people.html

Nope, just been told i am utterly barmy because i have spent half the day preparing a meal to his specific dietary requirements & announced it's ready.

Can we eat together at the same time on the same table? I just happen to be a wee bit hungry.

Nope. He has changed the eating hour because it is now Summer.

So i end up hurling my supper into the bin, smashing the plate & substituting food for a very

This, my fiends, is the quick method of slow suicide.

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

zdt

ouch! clocks forward and back for eating

>So i end up hurling my supper into the bin, smashing the plate & substituting food for a very stiff drink<

Why? Meals together are nice- I prefer them when possible, too- but there's no point in starving yourself to punish Viking for being stubborn. You'll hurt yourself more than him in the long run, I suspect.

But I don't mean to be bossy or anything like that. It's just unlike you to throw away food (I don't like doing it, either), and what a waste of a perfectly good plate.

*That* is perhaps a bit on the "mad" end of things.

You do make a perfect pair. A pair of *what*? is the question.

Is there some way you can work out a schedule for meals so that you can prepare food better around his timing?

Now really, Terri...

You touched the Royal Trousers without having been given leave to do so. You have obviously been a very naughty zen devil and are in need of a spanking.

PC, One thing I learned while staying there is that viking's idea of mealtime is subject to change without notice.

Really, it all sounds like a typical day in the zen devil household.

zen puppet NBY

Oh NBY, you are probably the only one on here who understands. The rest of you will have to try & realise that faced with what appears to be total unreasonableness; my response is LOUDER unreasonableness & often hurling of objects.

This is probably not an approach recommended in most Psychology textbooks, but is quite possibly the only method that may save my blood pressure from rising sky high, prevent murder or suicide.

Is it possible to silence someone by force-feeding potato salad do you think? He has burnt his boats rather since he is clothed only in my Tshirt; socks, dressing gown & slippers.

Apparently i have given him a headache. All together now "AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW"

zdt

You seem to have "eyes," Terri.

Why not log into MSN?

NBY

IN!!! Go for it!!!


zdt

The Times has a feature on "how to do romance the French way"

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,27309-2029212,00.html



They are indeed intense & do "dark & dramatic" very very well. Or think they do. There is in fact a difference.

Eye Full Towers?

In Seine?



However, they do have staying power it seems, unlike the English guy who turned up last night at 2am "I am too drunk to drive home; i knew i could count on you to help me out" who seems to have disappeared; no note saying "thanks for the sofa" or anything. Hmmf.

zdt

>The rest of you will have to try & realise that faced with what appears to be total unreasonableness; my response is LOUDER unreasonableness & often hurling of objects<

Oh, I realize that, believe me! I've known Terri long enough to work that out. I'm sure meeting here in person would only reinforce it.

It's just that it never has, doesn't, and most likely never will, make too much sense to me, this concept of the One You Love bringing out the unreasonableness in you.

And I'm simply trying to convince Terri wooh that if she hurls something at Viking every time his behavior upsets or annoys her (intentionally or otherwise- I'd hazard a guess it's as often the latter as the former ), she won't have an intact object left in the house.

Throw linens, woman! Or dirty socks.

Although, regarding the mealtime bit, I still think it's perfectly reasonable to find ever-changing mealtimes annoying. It's not as if two people are likely to always be hungry at the exact same time. A little cooperation once in a while wouldn't kill either of you. I've never met anyone as stubborn as Terri, but it seems she's met her match.

Perhaps he couldn't find pen and paper....and will thank you later

My hubbie is going veggie and I shall...well might be joining him...or at least cut down on the feathered flock...

Ooh, good luck to you both! The first meats I gave up were beef products, and any incidental pork (I never liked ham or bacon, but you never know what's in sausages and stuff). The hard part was cutting back on fish, then trying to phase it out entirely. I do occasionally have a bit of fish.

I hope it works out for you guys. It's so much easier to avoid unhealthy saturated fats when you've eliminated meat (or most meat) from your diet.

I'm still a sucker for dairy, though, I love cheese and yogurt too much to avoid them. And the lowfat stuff is usually pretty bland.

Can I use this space to fuss about something, while I'm thinking of it? If we're fussing about what pains men can be, that is?

One source of minor, but ongoing, annoyance for me is that I strongly suspect the ratio of talcum powder on K's feet to the talcum powder all over the bathroom floor and down the front of the vanity cabinet is 1 part feet to 5 parts everyplace else.

His argument as to why it's not that big a deal? "The tile's white". OK, but what about the grout? And have you ever walked into the bathroom, half asleep, and slipped on powdery tiles? That's how Houdini died!

I thought Houdini died 'cos someone thumped him in the solar plexus? Ah well; maybe that was just after he had slipped on the talc & was feeling fragile.

MOI Stubborn??????? Ye gods, how much has the nordic one paid you? I am peace, love & harmony all rolled nicely into one sweet Stepford Wife package. He is being a Good Boy at the moment. I abused him slightly earlier; but if he will insist on wandering around in just a T shirt, what can he expect?

We have eaten Cauliflower Cheese Together. This is definitely progress. He has watered all the plants & washed the dishes. This is intense progress. He has taken me shopping. This is progress beyond the bounds of probability.

It won't last of course!

zdt

>I am peace, love & harmony all rolled nicely into one sweet Stepford Wife package<

Yes, Terri. Yes you are.

*steps backwards, ever so slowly...*

Seriously, though, you're as loveable as they come. Although making that poor man walk around with his bits dangling in the wind was pretty darned cruel of you.

I'm glad you had a nice cauliflower cheese together, that he's watered the plants and washed the dishes, and I am absolutely ECSTATIC that he's taken you shopping. Give the man a hug for me, please. No need to pat his bottom, though, unless you really want to.

My dinner was four green olives stuffed with blue cheese. Of course, I had a HUGE lunch, the treat of the Sales Accounting manager at work, so a few olives was all I could squeeze in.

I've been on the rampage around here that we've got Too Much Food. I think it's partly due to all of those times when there wasn't Enough Food. I can deal with an abundance of canned and dry goods in the pantry, but a full fridge makes me feel overly greedy.

Although I've just rearranged things, and aside from some fresh fruit and veg, and a half dozen kinds of cheese, it's mainly beverages and condiments. I guess that's not so awful, is it?

Incidentally, Terri, you would be proud of me- my desk here at home is a cluttery mess, and there's a poo in Herman's box that was here when I got home four hours ago.

PS- re: Houdini's death- it's how K and I excuse ourselves from anything, or talk other folks out of doing stuff. I don't know as that anyone has believed it, yet.

Which reminds me of a dirty joke involving a prostitute.

The lady in question brings a john back to the motel room, and they do the deed. Afterward, she asks him "what will we name the baby?", and he runs away screaming, leaving his trousers, with wallet intact, behind.

The following evening, she tries the same trick on another, well, trick, and the same thing happens.

This goes on for several nights, until she finally picks a particularly intelligent fellow. When the deed is done, she asks him "what shall we name the baby?"

He reaches down, pulls off a condom, ties a knot in it, and replies, "if he can get out of this, name him Houdini!"

****

Da dum dum.