h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

RIP Ookie ba chan

3pm japan time 100+1/3yrs old

RIP

I do hope it was a peaceful passage onwards.

What a grand age; she must have lived through so many changes.

Will there be a traditional Japanese funeral?

zdt

Thanks Terry and yes ,the family is all together at the moment ,I just came home to feed the dog and will go back .

The doctor came and has gone the nurse came to wash and dress the body and has gone the priest has been and gone and we are all preparing (cleaning and rearranging the furniture for a ceremony tomorrow evening and tuesday day time there will be another ceremony starting at 10am , before lunch the body will go to the crematorium and be cremated we will all go with the body return home for lunch then go back to get the bones,we will travel by bus .

She was not expected to get to 100yrs May 23 but she made it well past . She was a wonderful lady .

May memories of Ookie ba chan bring joy and peace to you and your family.

My regards to you and your family.

Thanks and to you lady.

When I went back last night the monkj was there doing his thing again then we all sat down to a bought dinner while the neighbores came to pay their respects to Ookie ba chan , At about 9.30pm Oba chan realised she hadn't told the cousins uncles etc panic phone calling today starts again , Got to go

Take care of yourself. It is always a stressful time, but it is not selfish to take time for yourself, it enables you to support others and cope. Regards GA

Just come home for a break and feed the dog .
We went to Obaa chans (mother in law) house at 10am this morning and could not find a parking space so we had to park in a car park about 100mtrs away marked for this event when we got to the house I found about 12 people working on the decorations for tomorrow
At 11am we were invited to wash the body a symble I think then the pro's cleaned and dressed her in a brown kimono at 12 I helped to lift Ookie ba chans body into her coffin again symbolic as the flower arranging went on at the head of the room and the room walls covered in a white cloth with a very pretty blue with cloud pattern at the top .

All the time we were there it was our (my wife and I ) job to keep making barly tea for everyone coming to pay their respects , my sister in law greeted everyone at the door mother hovered and chatted to the guests . their were also about 40 lunches served .

My brother in laws business is funeral arranging so he was outside putting 3 tents up in the garden and covering all the outside walls in black and white cloth and the gate way has paper lanterns hanging I noticed 5 large ash trays for the garden and dozens of chairs were their too ready for tomorrow .

Some groups of women came to chant buddhist mantras but it has been busy and we will go back in a minute and something else starts at 7pm n later dinner will be served .
It's still hot 35c

I will try to post about today and tomorrow in a couple of days but my heads in a bit of a spin at the mo b ut I think Obaa chan had a good time and it was her day if not her funeral

I hope the rest of the funeral goes well. I will think of you.

Monday evening ,I went back to Oba chans house dressed in a black suit and tie and many people were gathering in the house garden and in the road outside ,every one who came signed a book of condolences at the gateway entrance and as is custom left a donation in a white envelope tied with black and gold string with the helpers there ,all were dressed in black including the workers min 6 at any time , First we ate with family, bento boxes prepared at a takeaway shop .At about 6.50 we the family started to sit neeling on cushions in front of the coffin about 5min's later the priest came in and took his place , he chatted and joked with us for a short while then turned around to face the coffin and after striking the (brass bowl on it's own cushion) not gong or bell 3 or 4 times began to chant very slowly nobody understands what he is saying ,There was a lady doing a kind of commentary on the speakers that could be heard both in and outside the house and soft music could be heard in the background .

After about 10min's the priest lit some more incense in a box and handed it to the local chief funeral director (appointed area boss mourner) he goes to all the local funerals to make sure everything is done correctly he then took 3 pinches of incense each one lifted to the forehead before putting on the main pile,a short prayer was said by him before and after burning the incense then handed the box to my brother in law who is the nr 1 direct male decendent who repeated the proceedure and handed the box on to my other brother in law who in turn handed it to me , after I had burned my 3 pinches of incense I handed it on to the person next in line.

The funeral boss my brothers in law and a male cousin and I then stood and went outside where another table had been set up and we formed a line next to the table and after all the family in the house had done their incense burning prayer bit Oba chan , sisters in law and my wife nelt sat in the open double doors/windows at the back of the room where the rest of the family sat , then the people outside were invited to burn incense this time 3 burners were set up on the table and the ladies at the window bowed as people burned their incense 3 at a time ,as they passed us going back to their seats etc outside we bowed to them and a (worker) lady gave them small packets of salt so that when they leave our family land they could walk on the salt to stop them taking death home with them .


After every one had burnt incense about 50 min's later the lady with the mike thanked us /them and the priest wound down his chanting struck the brass bowl a few more times turned back to us and chatted a bit more and moved away back into the kitchen and that part came to an end .

I think about 150 people came to that ceremony which finished at about 8.30 pm and after a short chat and drink the priest went home ,When it was down to just family and the chief mourner we all went back into the room with the coffin in and they, not me sang an Enka summer song which lasted about 30 min's,It felt a little strange but they all enjoyed that .

Barley tea was served to every one that came and lots of cans of beer were drank by mostly the males in the family I got home at about 10.30pm that night but my brother in law stayed in the house ,he has stayed since Sunday and even now is still there.

Tuesday later

My brother in law has taken pictures of the flowers and coffin room (quite pretty really) and the gateway as requested by me so eventually I will hope to have them available If anyone is interested in seeing them .

It sounds so beautiful and goes to my heart, I would be honoured to see pictures.

Tuesday.

We went to Oba chans house at 9.30 am as arranged ready to greet people, my 2 sisters in law were helping each other dress in black kimonos my wife wore a black dress .

At about 10.50 we all took our seats and this time friends and neighbores stayed outside the gate in the inner tent were 18 ladies wearing black with a purple and gold motifed scarf ,

At 11am these ladies began to chant slowely in unison, after about 5mins 2 monks entered the room and sat in front of the casket ,when the ladies stopped chanting 1 monk started started slowly to tap the gong (cant find a better word) then to chant again the same lady was talking softly on the mike and soft music was played again the incense came round but this time only 2 pinches were taken by each person and we again had to go outside to thank every one coming in to burn their incense , it was very hot standing in direct sunlight in a suit at that time of day 34c .

When that part of the ceremony had finished the flower arranging people carrying baskets went into the room to cut the heads of all the flowers and as we went back in the casket was moved into the centre of the room and the lid was removed , we were then given small bunches of flowers which we placed around Ookie ba chans body I also put 2 oranges by her feet and my brother in laws daughter put 2 apples on the other side I think bananas went in too , the casket was then moved to the window for all the other people to put flowers in until it was very full and only her face could be seen surrounded by flowers then th lid was put back on and a small sword was placed on the lid .

We went back outside and 6 of us carried the coffin from the window out to the hearse and placed it within, we then went to and entered a bus, the monk my brother in law and the cheif mourner got in a taxi and the hearse followed by the taxi then the bus set off for the crematorium about 20k away on the opposite side of Nara .

At the crematorium the casket was removed from the hearse before we got out of the bus and set on the base of the furnace , there was another service happening at the other end of the room their are 8 furnaces in a row then when we had gathered around the casket the monk tapped the gong and chanted again for about 5 mins then we burnt incense this time only 1 pinch per person the sword was removed a bunch of flowers were placed on top and the casket was wheeled into the furnace the dood was titely shut by the worker we all bowed then got back on the bus to return home . It was 1 .oo pm and the worker said we should come back for the bones at 4 pm .

When we got back to Oba chans house there was a line of salt at the gatewhich we had to rub our shoes in all signs of the funeral had disapeared even the tents were gone, that same room was now filled with small individual tables with a large bento box and a glass on each one, the children ate in another room We then ate lunch with a lot of beer being consumed.

Later that afternoon I changed out of my suit and my other brother in law went to work ,he is a sergeant dectective in Osaka .

At 3.15pm I think 10 people went back to the crematorium by bus to collect the bones I did not go but my wife did I have been before so I know what happens and Oba chan went too ,She was not allowed to go the first time , my wife told me their were not many bones left to pick up but the family pick up usually the small bones using rough chop sticks and put them into a ceramic urn then into a cardboard box covered with a white cloth my brother in law then carried it home , they got home at about 4.45pm and most people just went home , my brother in law stayed with Oba chan , as for us we went to buy bread to make sandwiches for tea as I think we had only been eating from bento boxes and were fed up with it , Later in the evening my wife went back to serve drink etc for anyone coming to pay their respects and she will spend most evenings doing this for 49 days .

On wednesday morning my wife went back to MIL's house to what I thought was another visit from the preist , but no , brother in law MIL and my wife carried the urn to the temple for a prayer and then with the preist went to the cemetry and placed Ookie ba chans urn in with O gee chans (my wifes father) urn , he died 8 yrs ago Aug 28 , My wife said that the cloth on her fathers urn was still dry and intact.

I did ask because of this thread and my BIL thinks it cost MIL about 8000pounds ,

She gave every one who came a gift of tea and 1000yen gift voucher .

All the family members also got 2 or 3 bags of food I am eating a nice big peach at the moment

Japanese people are very generous and like to give presents , many crates of beer cans of coffee and many baskets of tinned food, fruit even biscuits were all given by other people and is shared by the family .

Thank's Milla I will try to get pic's to you when I get them, It would be nice to get your EMail address

One other thing I forgot to mention ,When Ookie ba chan died Oba chan shed a small tear , when the coffin was opened and we put the flowers in most if not all the women were crying then .