Journal Entries
Love is all you need
Posted Mar 24, 2003
I had a very interesting, considered, and lively debate on Sunday. "Aha," I hear you cry, "some more middle-class effluent that tries to pass itself off as a reasoned point of view on the current crisis in the Middle East". Well, no. In fact, Claire and I got a good couple of hours of discussion out of the conundrum that is: why neither of us has had sex in several months.
I mean, it's shocking isn't it? We're both intelligent, articulate, thoughtful, and (dare I say it) good-looking people. Surely nubile young women and strapping young men should be queueing up to tear our respective sets of clothes off with their teeth? Apparently not.
Without wanting to prevail upon your patience any further, I'll skip straight on to the end of the argument. What we settled on, and what every man and woman of consensual age needs, is a certain person you carry in your back pocket (not literally, of course) to whom you can go when you badly need to get your rocks off. They might be attached, they might not. Let's face it, you don't even have to get on that well. All that's required is a mutual physical attraction and a shared enjoyment of frenetic illicit sex.
So if anyone fancies offering their services, you can contact me through my page. You'll be doing someone a great favour, and even (if my current dry spell continues for much longer) saving a life.
Go on. You'll be glad you did 
EDITOR'S NOTE: the views expressed herein are those of the author only. The BBC's views and mission are in no way represented by this rather seedy person, who has chosen to use H2G2 as a forum to air his sordid desires and broadcast his unfulfilled longings. Nasty man.
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Latest reply: Mar 24, 2003
Back in the land of the living
Posted Aug 14, 2002
So here we are, back in London after a blissful week in Barcelona. Barcelona... city of Gaudi and Rivaldo, stocked with stunning architecture, drenched in sun and fried in extra virgin olive oil.
For those that can't afford the Rough Guide or Lonely Planet, I therefore offer my Quick Dash through Barcelona. And please bear in mind that this was the first bit of serious quality time I had spent with my girlfriend for weeks and weeks, so if we didn't get out and about quite as much as we should have, well... you know why.
Las Ramblas
This is the Oxford Street of Barcelona... urchins, tourists and open-air stalls selling junk, souvenirs, canaries, etc. Plenty of those performance artists who seem to think that painting themselves blue, shoving a feather up their arse and then standing very very still, is somehow worthy of payment.
Le Seu
The cathedral. Big, impressive, costs £3 to get in. They never asked me for money to get into St Paul's. Typical Spanish efficieny meant that it took the best part of 600 years to finish.
Barrio Gotic
Or Gothic Quarter. Smaller streets, smellier, charming in an American tourist oh-my-gaaawd-didya-see-THAT? sort of way. Ugh.
The Food
On the whole, excellent. Reasonably-priced, good quality and plenty of it. Stand-out was a restaurant called Les Quinze Nits, just off Las Ramblas: excellent 3-course meal for 2 with 2 bottles of wine and coffee was 60 euros. Or about £40 to you and I. Bargain. An added frisson: there were some 20 people queueing ahead of us to get in, but as the only couple in the line we bypassed them all to take the last table a deux. Cue many dirty looks and some sniggering on our part.
Booze
Not enough beer variety. Everyone drinks, and everywhere serves, Estrella, which appears to be the local stuff. Tastes like p**s, to be honest, which might explain the propensity of Americans looking right at home.
And there we go. Trust me, it's a great place and I highly recommend it. And if you're unsure where to stay you could do a lot worse than the Hotel Barcelona Universal on Avenue Paral-lel.
Keep smiling
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Latest reply: Aug 14, 2002
Charmed
Posted Jul 31, 2002
I've just had a charming message from Em, who appears to be a resident editor on the H2G2 site. What a sweetie. I, of course, hiked myself forthwith to her page in order to check her out (top to bottom).
Em has a thang set up on her page, where she's polling people to find out their top 10 CDs. A tough call, I'm bound to say. I did notice that the past entries were somewhat rock-heavy so I've done my best to represent the electronic side of the music business.
Am also rather excited to have booked a few days break in Barcelona with my beautiful girlfriend next week. Yes, I know it's not what you'd call a summer holiday destination but I just need to get out of London for a while. I'll send the Guide's love to Espana.
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Latest reply: Jul 31, 2002
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