h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ooooh! Groovy! I didn't realise that...
Come to think about it, I don't really know anything about you.

Well, get your drawing head on instead then!

What kind of cartoons do you do<?>

Well since I'm trying to get a job in it, it's not official.

Draw my own 'comic' strips for want of a better word.

And you'll be glad you don't know anything about me!

Groovy I do the occasional characuture (Which would be better if I could spell the word, but you know what I mean!) but I'm not that fantastic at art unless it's PC rendered

Well... I'm only nosey when I need to be I'm sure you're not that boring/ contraversial/ insane/ pathetic that I'd glad I don't anything about you... Hey, we just help run the same club! Don't ask me, I work here! etc.

Wish I could get some of my stuff on the 'Net but I don't have it, or a scanner for that matter!

Boring, depends.
Controversial... mfmmghfxvcx...
Insane, quite possibly.
Pathetic? Over my maggoty, rotting, straight-jacketed corpse!

You could always have a go at copying some of it up using a decent paint program.. or maybe investigating in one of those funky pen mouses You have to have a really really good scanner for stuff like that to come out properly

Well, I guess that makes you just insane and contraversial. Nout wrong wi' that...

Should run for Gov. of California eh?

Heck, why not!

I'd start of by becoming the PM first though. That should be easy enough.

Can't. Couldn't get past the brown-nosing President bit.

Ah, that's a shame... Perhaps if you just bombed some middle-easten country you'd get the job<?>

Without a President? Are you mad?

They are getting closer mind.

Far East,
Russia,
Middle East...

Oh dear.

Oh dear indeed. Shall I ring up a man to sex-up a dossier<?>

{Oh, by the way, you are a plant. http://thesurrealist.co.uk/monster.cgi?att=Exist&def=HPB&a=I Can you tell I'm very bored<?> )

Did you listen when I said I didn't have the 'Net?!

What kind of plant?

Sorry! I don't quite know where my mind is today... I blame it on... urrh.... yellow<?>

"HPB is a Human-Sized Man-Eating Plant that Expands when Attacked, can Leap Great Distances, and has a Single Giant Eye-
Strength: 7
Agility: 1
Intelligence: 1"

*ahem*

You're lucky i'd just put 'Always look On The Bright Side Of life' when I read that.

What are you then?

Always look on the bright si-ide of liiiiiife....


Well, it depends...

"Exist is a Giant Bee that fell through a Dimensional Warp, breathes Poisonous Gas, can Change Shape, has X-Ray Vision and Enormous Tusks, and spits Jets of Water.
Strength: 6
Agility: 8
Intelligence: 12"

Or
"Existential Elevator is a Giant Mecha-Bee that is Covered with a Thick Slime, fires Rockets, and has Dozens of Tentacles and four Extra Limbs.
Strength: 3
Agility: 8
Intelligence: 8"

I think I prefer being "Exist"

What do they know then?!

Put AJRimmer in... or Pontus.

Sorry mate...

Okay, here we go...
"A J Rimmer is a Giant Bee that breathes Ice Vapour, Tunnels Underground, is Guarding its Nest, carries a Ray Gun, and has a Terrible Roar and Bulletproof Skin.
Strength: 3
Agility: 7
Intelligence: 8

Cold Attack!
Noise Attack!
Radiation Attack!"

And
"Pontus is a Giant Blob that is Covered in Spines, and Hovers Eerily.
Strength: 11
Agility: 3
Intelligence: 1"

Ah.. prove this fixed by putting Tony Blair in!

"Tony Blair is a Giant Moth that can Regenerate, Fears Nothing, carries a Samurai Sword, and has Four Sets of Teeth and a Sharp Beak.
Strength: 2
Agility: 9
Intelligence: 6"

Still smarter than you, I'm afraid..