h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Lifestyle things:

Imagine people in the poorest, crappiest situations imagineable. Do you think many of them regret the additional burden of their children?

>When did I last go to the cinema? To a gig? To a restaurant for an evening meal, other than on busiiness?

And it's for all of those reasons I don't have them- I enjoy doing all of those things.

>Imagine people in the poorest, crappiest situations imagineable. Do you think many of them regret the additional burden of their children?

So? I should regret not going on food stamps and giving up everything I enjoy in order to pop out some sprogs?

Ah...PC...I promise you...that's not what I'm saying.

All I'm saying is that I don't miss all those same things I love ebery bit as much as you. I find a workaround. Food stamps...well...we've got into financial trouble since we had kids. Doesn't everyone? And if I didn't have the ( I've heard them called) 'drag coefficients, how much money for meals and and cinemas and food and trips and CDs and Books...etc...would I have today.

But do I regret my lifestyle compromises? Not. For. One. Minute.

Show me a single person, rich poor or middling who regrets their kids...and I'll show you someone I really couldn't get on with.

Look...I'm not trying to persuade you. Just trying to explain me.

It's been my experience from having a dog (and it might be the same for people with cats) that your lifestyle changes with them too.

I appreciate that it's not the same having pets as having children, BUT with our dog, we get up earlier and need to arrange for sitters when we go on holiday and we need to make sure we keep regular hours (ish) and we need to go home earlier and stay out shorter than we did previously.

And this is the point people probably make about their children - it's worth it. Our dog has enriched our lives, made us laugh and cry and he makes us happy every single day.

I appreciate that he is lower maintenance than a child is and I'm guessing some days parents would willingly give their kids up. But I'm also guessing they generally find it worth it, to make those adjustments to their lives and their lifestyles.

I know that for you it's more complicated than just a lifestyle issue but maybe that's not coming across at the minute? Or Edward just likes to make his point

>>Or Edward just likes to make his point




OK...imagine if you got a great new job far away, or a great new home where you couldn't keep your dog. Some people could give up their dog (with deep regret and grief), some couldn't. But do we feel ill of the person who gives up their dog?

Now...what do we think of the person who gives up their child for a better job or better home?

PC:

I *promise* you I'm not trying to talk you into children. There's no reason at all why you need want them.

All I'm trying to do is express how absolutely, gorgeously, amazingly, surprisingly essential they are.

Actually, our dog would come first - he has already. While I understand that not everyone is in a position to make that decision, to be honest, I sometimes find myself (slightly) condemning people that do give up their pet for what is to my mind superficial reasons.

Moving house / moving jobs is to my mind not a good enough reason. You wouldn't give up your kids so why would you give up your pet? I try, but I honestly don't understand that.

I understand that there are other reasons, like death, sickness, children, allergies, break ups and so on, which to my mind are more valid - although only one of those would make me give up my dog.

(to be fair, he may have typed some of this, snoring as he is in between me and the laptop. I have one arm under his head and the other over his back, stretching to the keyboard. But it feels very

To be honest, I think we'd have a difficult time choosing between our and a new location or job. They've become our 'family' of sorts.

And when my daughter was born (many moons ago now), I was more or less ready to settle down somewhat anyway. I had been a relatively normal young military buck and done a lot of stupid things by then, so normalcy felt good. Still, we managed to get out and about when an occasion arose, with the infrequent assistance of friends.

In the end, I don't think any the less or more of someone because of their reproductive history. Each of us has our own wants and needs and that's just simply that.

Hey I don't think any of you are trying to talk me into them, and I'm never in doubt that I neither want nor need them.

Honestly, my reason for starting the thread was to get a little insight into the notion that it's wrong, or abnormal, etc, not to. That's all.

And I'd never consider a job offer or relocation, etc, that would necessitate giving up the cats- we accepted responsibility for their care and they're part of the family.

Some people do give up their children- there are many reasons for their doing so. Sometimes it's the right thing to do, if someone is unprepared and not fully equipped to be a parent or provide for children.

Thank you to all who have responded positively to my admitted rant, & your support, it’s much appreciated. Especially to PC, whose journal I gatecrashed. If I'd seen this in Ask, I wouldn’t have answered, or would have been a whole lot more circumspect.

Ed: >In other words...are you able to help us understand your feelings any better by unpacking 'I just don't want them'?<

It’s not that I don’t like kids, I get all my input from family & friends’ kids. Sometimes their company can be a lot more entertaining than the parents (but I didn’t say that aloud).
For me, it has never really been a problem that ‘I just don’t want them’. It’s on a par with me deciding I did not want to a lawyer when I grew up. I just knew it wasn’t for me. Though to be fair, the lawyer decision was definitely a conscious one, the no kids was a much more unconscious decision. So to answer your question – probably not , as I’m unsure where those feeling came from myself.
Luckily, I’ve had no probing questions from the parents – they were (not-so) jokingly informed years ago that they'd be having no grandchildren from me. And they had the good grace to accept that, for which I’m grateful.

Societal mores change. It used to be much less acceptable to live with people without being married. But is this really a ‘new’ thing, or is it just more widely recognised & reported on than previously. Just had to bite my tongue to stop myself using ‘paradigm shift’ there.

Maybe we're all a bit to understanding and sensible about this to give you a good insight for your original question? We all seem to be agreeing and so on - from that perspective you'd probably get a different response in 'Ask', maybe with more answers, probably with more ranting.

I've enjoyed it, anyhow.

Hmm. A post missing. What I said was:

If someone said to you 'Why do you have a fat ass', you'd think they were ***holes. You wouldn't feel the need to start a thread on it.

So what's this about?















btw...no implication that your ass is anything other than utterly callipygean.

Presumably the difference is that people wouldn't ask that unless they are *trying* to cause offence - whereas with this question, a great number of people feel it's fine to ask it, and to make very judgemental comments into the bargain.

Yeah, I think that a majority of people really don't realize that it's as rude to ask me why I don't have kids as it would be to ask about why someone has a fat ass. Probably some of them don't realize how judgmental they're being, or sound, or whatnot.

A lot of people assume that I must dislike kids. I don't dislike all of them. Sometimes I like being around them- and there are a few of you here with children I'd love to meet someday (as well as meeting you, too, of course) because they sound so lovely to be around.

OK - so what beefed you enough to start this thread?

(and don't get me wrong...it's a *good* thread! 'You give good thread'. )

People tend to be very judgemental against anything and everything that is not as "supposed to be".

For instance, I have a cousin, bachelor in his late thirties. He has never introduced any woman as official companion. So what, that's up to him. I would never dream of asking him why, who, what etc. If he wants to introduce me to someone important he will.

But the aunts incl. the Queen Mum, (and the few remaining grandaunts) fuzz around a lot. Pitying his mother, who is in her late seventies, that she never will become a grandmother. Discussing whether the cousin might be "one of those" or if it's something else wrong with him. Because every man in his age ought to be married with children according to their narrow view of life.

And he might be gay...or might not...and he might or might not have a problem with either of those.

(I have a dear, dear friend who I'm 99.99999% certain is closeted gay. But I love him dearly and wouldn't dream of putting him on the spot - no matter how much I might think he'd be happier out.)

I have both a dear uncle and a good friend who seem to me to just be utterly asexual- but I really don't think it's any of my business one way or the other.

Ed, it's not anything recent that's got me cheesed, more a culmination of a running stream of comments from a couple of people in particular- people at work, with whom I don't work directly and who don't know me well enough to pursue such inquiries to begin with. Yes, people I like and am reasonably friendly with will sometimes make little comments along the lines of "well, once you find that house, you can get started on those kids", etc. It doesn't cheese me off much except when it's done in an insulting way, or behind my back but I'm meant to overhear, if you know what I mean.