h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, that's a bit unrealistic really. But even more unrealistic i reckon is expecting that 'One person' to satisfy 'all' your needs, emotional, sexual, friendship, shared interests, intellectual, work related stuff...i truly feel that's too much of a burden to place upon any one person.

Which is where places like this may act as a sort of pressure valve, a place to discuss things, have fun, share experiences in a 'safe' place; a real community, place to vent & share joy....and i do feel that it's a caring community; which is vital if you don't get much RL opportunity to be in one.

to you all!

zdt

I guess what I like most about this kind of "community" is that aside from the circle of musicians/artistic types in my (and overlapping) circle(s) of friends, I've never been really big on that sort of small-town, community spirit type thing. Block parties and women's societies and everyone knowing your business. Etc. Online community is much less intrusive- it's not like someone can just show up on your doorstep unannounced.

Ed, most of my friends with kids had them in their mid-30s to early 40s, with a couple of exceptions who had them in their early 20s. One of my female friends who had three in her early 20s was in the military and didn't have to worry about affordable housing, etc, which I am sure makes life a little easier. For my other friend, it's been a real struggle and I know she regrets having her daughter when she was so unprepared, even though she does love her very much.

Terri makes a good point about expecting one person to fill every aspect of your life- and I'm sure for some or even most people, this is one of the roles their kids play. I like having someone around with whom I share a lot of interests, we both work and can relate on that front, etc, but it is nice having some friends and activities and interests that don't necessarily overlap.

Ismarah, a friend of mine in her mid-40s and her lovely fellow (they're not married but own a home together) just announced that they're having a little one in a couple of months, and she didn't figure out how to tell most people (some of us were different, I guess ) until it became rather obvious. You spend so many of your young years avoiding having to make that announcement...

This has all been very interesting and it's been nice getting to see some of your soft sides. I'm still leery of bringing this up on Ask- but still curious as to what makes some people think (a) being childless is bad, wrong or un-fulfilling or (b)they have the right to comment on it. I'm going to peruse the 'net and I'll report back what kinds of things I see- for you lot to comment on.

I hope you don't mind me putting my 2 cents worth in. I've read this thread with some interest - it's a good one but I think you'd get a better cross-section of opinion in a bigger forum like Ask.

I didn't have my daughter until I was 34 this was because I had a lot of drinking and partying to do and then when I was ready I had a health problem that almost resulted in a hysterectomy. So, to have my daughter at all I feel particularly lucky. In other circumstances I may have had more children (at school I fancied I'd have about 4 or 5) in reality they are a very expensive item to keep. Although she's only 13 I seem to spend just about every available penny on her and I'm glad now that I stuck with just the one.

I don't have a problem with childless couples at all - it's nobody's business but theirs. I like to think it all evens out - I have a nephew who works hard to keep his wife and 6 children and everyone of them is a joy, on the other hand I have quite a few family members with no children.

I think some people just lack social skills and will ask anyone in range an inappropriate question (I have one family member who will ask any new acquaintance how much they earn - what's that about?) I just think she doesn't know any better or ill-reared as we'd say over here - needless to say I've tried to put her right on more than one occasion but these people seem incredibly thick-skinned.

In my own circumstances (I've been together with my soul-mate for 30 years although we have never lived together - he has his space and I have mine (daughter lives with me although we see him every day) we holiday together and go out to the cinema, gigs, family get togethers and meals as a family) I often get the 'when are you getting married' question -

I reckon if we haven't felt the need for 30 years we aren't going to do it now .... mainly because we couldn't live together but having said that we have a very good relationship. I've even had one work colleague ask how we manage to have sex!! So there are very few questions that will surprise me after that. I'm happy with my arrangement (despite daughter's school nurse telling her that our arrangement was strange!) and I'm happy with telling people to mind their own business. I'd suggest if you're happy with your circumstance you tell people to do the same. It's remarkable how rude you can be to rude people and they still don't seem to notice.

Goodluck with your research - I'm hope my little rant won't skew the outcome but maybe show that people are the same the world over.

Well...Jim Morrison said it:
People are strange...

What was unimagineably strange in the school nurse's life? Everyone has something strange. I certainly do.

Totally agree, Fizzy, people have their own ways of sorting their own relationships & it's nobody elses business, unless, as on here, someone feels safe to discuss this.

I don't think most folk here in Eye Land can quite work us out, on the one hand, we appear to be totally besotted with each other (which we are!) but on the other hand, we usually sleep apart, though we live technically at the same address.

It's as my Gran would have said "it's for us to know & for them to guess."

zdt

Something interesting about 'Normal Relationships'.

The incidence of indeterminate genitalia is approx. one in 100 births. That's almost as common as twins. We will all know somebody...possibly the local doctor, window cleaner, priest.

Not all these people will identify as LGBLT. Many will simply come to their own arrangements, with normal people, within normal relationships.

We will all know such a couple.

There's nowt so etc. etc.

WTF is LBGT or whatever (when it's at home!)?

zdt

Well I understand that some people have a preference for sex with someone of one particular gender over another. Admittedly - so do I...although I've always struggled to see what this staggeringly dull fact has to do with the price of fish. Sure, in my case it's been convenient in the past for for progenitation - it saved faffing about with turkey basters - but that's about all.

What was unimagineably strange in the school nurse's life?

I have no idea why she felt the need to comment to S about our strange relationship especially when there are children at the school that have been sent half way round the world to board in Belfast - now I think that's strange. I think Hong Kong has a very good education system.

Why would anyone have children then send them away for all bar 8 weeks in the summer?

Isn't it rather unkind to refer to the offspring of unmarried turkeys as "basters"?



zdt

>>Why would anyone have children then send them away for all bar 8 weeks in the summer?


Oh, that's an easy one. Many people hate their kids.

No, I can't believe that and if they hated their daughter wouldn't they just let her slouch around in Hong Kong and save all that money for flights and board etc.


It's strange I tells ya' and I'm too polite to point it out.

Well, I work with a lady who has a three-year-old son, and they sent him to live with her in-laws in India a year ago because they wanted him to learn the language and culture, etc, before they move back there for good.

I also have more than one friend in RL who attended boarding schools- and I went away for entire summers as kid with lots of other kids- and I don't think all of those parents hated their kids. Some parents who send their kids away to school or what have you might well want them out of their hair, and some people do dislike their kids, but not all of them.

Fizzy, I knew you and your fella weren't married, at least not in the narrowly legal/ ecclesiastical sense, but I didn't realize you didn't live under the same roof. You know, as much as I love having K around, there are some moments when I wish we rented two flats in the same building or something, so I could have everything nice and tidy and he could have his clutter. Plus there's the snoring... including the cats!

Honestly- who gives a shit what anyone else does or why, when it comes to their own lifestyle and relationships? As long as you're happy, no one's being exploited or anything, then I'm happy for you!

Well...fir enough PC. people have their own reasons. Sending kids off to a school, though, is a helluva lot different to sending them to family. Sure, there are some good reasons for sending kids from home to school. But Hong Kong to London? Hmm.

As for getting kids out of one's hair: get the hair cut and keep the kids! On the whole, kids need parents.

But, hey, you don't have to tell *me* about families where kids are better off being away from their birth families. Several times I've had to make arrangements to keep them apart.

I didn't mean to imply that because certain parents might choose to send their children away to school, or to summer camps, etc, that those children were necessarily better off away from their families. I hope I didn't come across that way.

But I am sure there some people who have kids because it's the thing to do, or everyone else does, or everyone expects they should, and can afford to ship them off during the school years and then somewhere else during summer breaks ... or then you have your Blue Bloods who need an heir to the family fortune or whatever . A friend of mine works as a nanny for a couple who are too busy in academia to bother with their children. And another friend was born when her mother was in her late 40s and her dad in his mid-60s and they apparently didn't have the energy to deal with her so they pretty much ignored her. So yeah, some people don't much care for their kids.